To feel undermined by MIL

[Shouldwebeworried]

Ok, this may well sound silly but just want some genuine perspective.
I am fairly particular about how I dress my DD (almost 3), as in I don't want her covered in pink and "girly" stuff all the time. I have no objection to some of this but hate the idea that she should always be in pink and butterflies (or whatever) just because she is a girl. I want her to like whatever she likes because she likes it, not because she "ought to" 'cause she's a girl.
MIL appears to be of the complete opposite opinion and despite the fact we never dress DD in a super girly way, continually buys those exact type of clothes for her. E.g today she has given DD a pair of velcro sandals which are pink and glittery "because all little girls love that stuff" !
Also a coat that is pink and a cardi, skirt and hoody that are super pink and frilly and girly she showed me that are for impending birthday.
I am grateful she buys DD stuff (I kmow prob not sounding so right now) and it's very generous however, I do feel that as we never dress DD like this and mine and DH's frequent comments that we don't like the over girly stuff or too much pink that MIL is being a little bit underminey? Like she knows best because she had 2 kids 30 yrs ago ffs. Am I just being over sensitive or would anyone else be peeved?

[hidingwithwine]

My MIL used to buy the most hellish flouncy so practical dresses for DD as a baby, complete with manky frilly knickers not a hope they were going on her I just smiled and took everything back/gave it away. She soon got the message.

[ScarletForYa]

In a while your DD will want to dress herself and neither you nor your MIL will have a say in it. Calm down and enjoy the present where she will allow herself to be dressed at all.

[Amy214]

I ask dd what she wants to wear and most of the time its a dress but if the weather is crap it'll be jeans/leggings and a t shirt

[lavenderhoney]

If your dd likes them, it's fine isn't it?

[WalkingZed]

I really wish this was the only issue I had with my MIL!

YABU and making a much bigger thing than is necessary.

Take the clothes and then give them away or return them to the shop where they came from and buy something you like instead.

[DailyMailAreAFuckingJoke]

Crunchy = hippie/alternative. E.g. continuum concept. It's an American term and a shortened version of 'crunchy granola' which is supposed to denote a health food store type approach to life. Not always necessarily a bad thing, but like all 'groups' there's a spectrum of personalities within it.

OP I think you are being a bit sensitive. I understand your aversion to pink and frilly, but as others have suggested I would accept the gifts in the spirit they are presumably intended (your MIL wants to spoil her GD and 'pretty' girlie clothes are an easy way to do this). Mix the pink in with non-pink. So you could team the very glittery shoes with some jeans. The dress with some plain tights and shoes and a neutral jacket or cardi.

I confess to buying very girly dresses for my youngest niece, but it's because she is obsessed with dresses and loves fluff and frills and I love buying stuff for her. Her older sister is a bit more of a tomboy so my last clothing present to her was a pair of bright red DMs, which she was thrilled with. However for the younger one I do try and look at colours other than pink - I'm currently watching this to see if it is reduced any further in the sale. Pic doesn't do it justice; the pleats mean it moves and my niece will love twirling round in it.

[RiverTam]

Why do you seem feminine clothing to be a bad thing? You are policising her clothing. If you think your Dd will end up a vacuous bimbo because she wears a few butterflies and pink then there is something very wrong with your parenting!

[sulalovesbing]

Let her buy them and don't put her in the stuff. That's what I do. My mil usually buys shit and I just put them to the back of the wardrobe. I once put an outfit on a doll that my dd2 never wore and I'm quite sure she spotted it as she said "oh that's a nice outfit on that doll." I only clocked later that she probably bought it! She still buys my Dds stuff so it obviously didn't penetrate her unbelievably impervious skin.

[Ledkr]

My dd dresses constantly in flouncy frills. She wakes me most mornjngs fully dressed in frilly ensembles, I then spend another half an hour trying to persuade her into school uniform, warm clothes, cooler clothes, suitable clothes some just like that type of stuff.

[OhMrBadger]

Are there other issues? I only ask because your comment Like she knows best because she had 2 kids 30 years ago sounds like you've been giving it some thought. The clothing is a very minor issue really and I wouldn't give it much headspace. Were her 2 kids boys? If so, perhaps she's just enjoying buying 'girly' clothes. Perhaps she loved wearing that type of thing when she was little and is thoroughly enjoying reliving her childhood.

I wonder if she's feeling bemused by your reaction to the clothes and thinking, "she thinks she knows best just because she's had a kid almost 3 years ago".

[Osolea]

An almost three year old will be able to tell you whether or not she likes the clothes she gets from her Gran, and if she likes them, then I think yabu to think your mil shouldn't buy them.

It's not undermining you, you are still getting to pass your own opinion down to your child. Grandparents often do things differently to parents, and as it's usually done out of genuine love, then it's only a problem if you try to make it one.

[Shouldwebeworried]

Tbh I kinda know I'm being overly sensitive on the issue and am kinda conflicted in myself regards the clothing.
Iknow MIL is being nice and my goodness she is great with DD. I think I object most of all to her continued statements along the lines of "all little girls like pink and sparkly stuff" and there is a kind of she know best attitude from her.
To be fair DD will probably love the items she has been bought by MIL as she is quite keen on that type of stuff but she also loves dinosaurs and sharks but MIL would never get her something with those on.
It's not so much that I think the pink/flowery/glittery stuff is bad (quite keen on the odd flower myself). I just don't like the whole "girls should like this stuff and boys should like this other stuff" thing.

Yes I suppose I could be described as "crunchy" though find that a kinda horrible label.

I do let DD chose her clothes most days and am quite aware that if I push her too much away from the frills as a pp said I will probably end up with a super towie type as a teenager as a form of rebellion

[Headofthehive55]

It won't matter what she wears really! I think it's best not to try and show any strong preference - how would you feel if your DD really wanted pink frills but to please mummy she needed to choose something else?

[lavenderhoney]

Ledkr, my dd also gets up and dresses ready for a v posh garden party:)

At the last school my DC attended, I was waiting to see the head and couldn't help but overhear a fond papa in there loudly demanding the girls uniform be changed to pink as that's what his princess liked wearing:) would have been much easier to get her dressed for school tbh:)

[NerrSnerr]

Exactly what head said. I was that child. My mum hated us wearing pink so I'd pretend to love the boring neutral shit and hate pink. I wanted the pink really.

[corythatwas]

Agree with Headofthehive that in many ways it is best not to show a strong preference.

I myself am very much a non-gendered practical-outdoor clothes kind of person, but dd went through a phase when she adored pink and frillies. She now, as a young adult, wears her own style of cheap but feminine looking wear, which rarely involves pinks but is also nothing like the kind of clothes I would ever buy. And wears make-up which I never did. But is very much a feminist. She just doesn't believe it's about clothes.

And I am glad I never bothered to offend anyone over something as unimportant as the colour of a gifted dress. She grew out of her obsession with pink, but an unhappy relationship with her grandmother would have been a lot harder to grow out of.

[BertrandRussell]

I loved having grandparents who bought stuff the kids wanted but I didn't want to buy- it was brilliant. I could maintain my principled stance- they got everything the wanted. What's not to like? My ds has such happy memories of his Action Man conspiracies with Granddad.

[Mishaps]

My Mum bought my DD a truly ghastly dress when she was born - all slippery nylon layers and frills. I kept it in a drawer till my Mum came up on a visit and I then dressed DD in it. I came into the living room carrying her and my DH said "Good God, what is she wearing - she looks like a chimpanzee's tea party!" - whoops!

[Ilovewillow]

I also hate pink and character clothes and my MIL always buy it too for our daughter who is 7 and not remotely girly in her dress! When she was young I dressed her in it if we were seeing my MIL but only one item and just teemed it with another colour - navy or grey or denim!

I have said in the past thy I don't like pink or anything too girly in general conversation but it's been ignored so now I let it go over my head!

[Headofthehive55]

I agree bert - There is much to recommend grandparents making purchases that you wouldn't.

[ollieplimsoles]

Its not worth an argument op, just take the stuff, shove it in dd's wardrobe for a bit and tell mil she wore it here and there, then donate it elsewhere when enough time has passed.

I agree it does sound a bit 'i know best' and it would annoy me when she says all girls like pink and glittery. My mil never had any girls and she tries this with dd.

[BertrandRussell]

And I still remember my dd's face when Father Christmas brought a Barbie horse and carriage to grandma and Granddad's house when I had said categorically that he wouldn't be bringing it to ours. She was alight with pleasure.

[serin]

I was always just grateful for any gift of clothing whatever the colour! We didn't have much spare cash when the DC were little.

Pink is just a colour. It isn't as if MIL has had your daughter's ears pierced or given her a tattoo (like that Shameless episode!).

It's a balancing act isn't it? Sometimes our DD dressed as a fairy, more usually she wore a LFC kit. TBH she is nearly 19 now and would be quite happy in either of those outfits still!