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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

aren't*** MNHQ - title amended to RENT, which is what the OP wanted before her phone intervened***

61 replies

bettybear · 02/05/2016 11:47

My 16 year old DS is doing an apprenticeship and is on more than the minimum rate for an apprentice his age. His take home pay monthly is £750 a month. He pays his own phone bill and contributes to the Sky and broadband as he has his own set up in his room. This morning we have had a discussion about how much rent he pays me weekly. I currently charge him £25 and he gets 3 meals a day, snacks, all his washing and ironing done, his room tidied and bed changed weekly. He has just told me that one of his friends pays £20 a month and another pays £30. These friends are at college but have part time jobs and actually don't warm a lot less than my DS monthly. He thinks I am being unreasonable to charge him £25 weekly but I think he's getting a great deal and would love to live somewhere for that amount and get everything done for me! He's currently saving up for driving lessons and a car and is as tight as a badgers bum when it comes to money but even after paying out his costs he is left with over £600 a month! AIBU???

OP posts:
MaybeLater4 · 02/05/2016 12:08

He's only 16 and you're charging him rent? I think it's a bit ridiculous, he's still a child really. By all means make him pay for his phone bill and sky, anything he actually wants, but to charge him just to live in your house is a bit OTT.
Charge him when he gets to 18 if you must, but 16? Obviously he has to learn that he'll need to spend money on bills and rent when he's older but for now, maybe make him put that money in an account to save up, rather than charging him rent, then he can use it in the future to get a deposit on a house or flat.

NeedACleverNN · 02/05/2016 12:19

If he has an income he can be charged rent.

Simple.

The op would still be getting benefits if he had gone on to full time education

Bogeyface · 02/05/2016 12:22

Just waiting for someone to accuse the OP of making money out of her own child......

OP, when DD goes to uni in September she will be paying £95 a week for her shared house (halls arrangement but in houses) including all bills, and then she has her food, phone etc on top.

Tell him that if he is so bothered by what you are charging he is welcome to move out.

bushtailadventures · 02/05/2016 12:24

Isn't it funny how they always know someone who pays less than them, and how it isn't fair?

I think you are being more than fair personally, he has plenty left for anything else he needs, and at 16 how much can he really spend a month? Maybe a chat about how everyone's circumstances are different would help, but he's 16, he knows everything already Smile

DixieNormas · 02/05/2016 12:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boogers · 02/05/2016 12:39

OK, let's say 3 meals per day at roughly £3 per meal = £63 per week.

Heating for one room, plus extra for cooking = approx £10 per week.

Electricity to power his room and charge his gadgets = approx £5 per week.

Laundry service, Im not sure how much this is but from dirty laundry to freshly ironed professionally I'm guessing about £20 per week.

=£98 per week

If he rented a bedsit he would have rent and rates on top of that.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. £750 a month is a fantastic wage for a 16 year old and £100 a month of that to contribute to the household expenses is not unreasonable. It's actually pittance compared to what he actually gets for it.

Maybe do an Excel spreadsheet detailing everything he uses? Smile

19lottie82 · 02/05/2016 12:44

Maybelater4 don't be so ridiculous. He's got a FT job, of course he should be paying rent! Especially as the OP has now had her CT Credits stopped because he is no longer in education. He needs to live in the real world and understand that bills need to be paid!

Even with the tiny amount the OP takes from his wages, he still has £550 a month to spend on himself! A lot of adults don't have that much left over each month.

SeaCabbage · 02/05/2016 12:53

Never mind the rent, I can't believe you are tidying the room and changing the bed of a 16 year old.

I hope this thread will ring some changes in your house. Smile

ohtheholidays · 02/05/2016 13:04

I got paid £580 a month when I was 16,my job had a lot of responsibility and I was over a couple of other members of staff,it was long hours and hard work.I used to pay my parents £250 a month,I'd also help out around the house and with gardening,I'd cook some meals,hang laundry out ect,I'd also buy in some food I knew my Mum and Dad would like and I'd treat my Mum and Dad often,take aways,new clothes,trips out ect.

The money I had to pay and I was expected to help out but I didn't have to treat my parents all the time,I did that by choice.Your son's very lucky and should realize that!

Our 20 year old was on the same wage and was paying us £200 a month,he's had a big pay increase and now pays us £300 a month,that was his choice,we told him he didn't need to but it's really nice that he wants to and is.Some of the rest he spends and then the rest he's saving up for a deposit for his own place.

It could come as a real shock to your DS when he moves out on his own.Start charging him a bit more and get him to help out at home,your be doing him a favour,you'll be preparing him for the future.

Original poster
bettybear · 02/05/2016 13:23

I've just mentioned some of your comments to DS and he has now decided that £25 a week is reasonable and has taken the Hoover upstairs with him! Smile

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 02/05/2016 13:29

Result!

MNHQ
YetAnotherHelenMumsnet · 02/05/2016 13:31

Hi bettybear,
we have amended the thread title for you but it seems like it's been a good result for you anyway.

CharleyDavidson · 02/05/2016 13:39

I was never charged rent, but didn't earn much at all. And my parents didn't subsidise my (tiny) university grant.

DH worked on a YTS basis and he paid his Mum what worked out to be a week's wages, so 25% of what he was earning.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2016 14:11

'I currently charge him £25 and he gets 3 meals a day, snacks, all his washing and ironing done, his room tidied and bed changed weekly.'

Stop skivvying for him! He'll grow up to be one of those dickheads who thinks all domestic chores are women's work.

I cannot believe you are still doing all this for a 16-year-old!

As for £25 a week, he's getting a bargain. He disagrees. So what? He pays up or finds a houseshare where he'll be paying a lot more.

He needs to learn to wipe his own arse and look after himself.

P1nkP0ppy · 02/05/2016 14:15

Blimey, 10 years ago DS paid me £40/week.......
Yours has got it cushy op!

DownstairsMixUp · 02/05/2016 14:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

gingergenie · 02/05/2016 14:20

Bloody hell I was paying my mum £20 a week when I first started week at 18. I took home £75 a week. My train fare to London cost £20 a week and the rest was mine. I was the best off (retrospectively) I've ever been!!! I'm 46 now. Your DS should be ecstatic. I'd carry on and remind him how much it wold cost if he moved out. If he does, can I baggsie his room?

Fluffycloudland77 · 02/05/2016 14:26

Perhaps a quick look on rightmove to show much it would be for him to move out?.

I think you should take a third, so £250 a month.

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 02/05/2016 14:37

IMO he's not paying rent at all because £25 a week will barely be covering the food, rent is on top of food.

Most adults I know on lower level professional wages (like 22,000ish) pay over half of their wages in rent before utilities or food. I do live down south though.

It costs between £300 and £400 to rent just a room around here, so the suggestion of £250 to stay living at home sounds reasonable to me. He would still be saving by living at home that way

ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism · 02/05/2016 14:38

That said, he's 16 and I wouldn't charge mine to live at home at all until 18

BennyTheBall · 02/05/2016 14:45

He's 16 - still a child.

I wouldn't charge mine rent no matter how old they are. I would encourage them to save a bit of income, but I can't imagine charging my own children rent unless I was in penury.

Trunkadunk · 02/05/2016 14:50

Why are you doing a teenagers tidying? Why isn't he contributing by making meals?

He's going to be useless when he moves out!

Trunkadunk · 02/05/2016 14:52

Also, up the little bugger's rent! I don't understand people who say they wouldn't charge their children rent. Fair enough if they haven't got a job but once they do you're doing them a disservice by not teaching them about the real world.

WankStainWasher · 02/05/2016 14:56

My DS1 is 22 and on £12K a year. He pays me £40 a week. I started charging him because I lost my 25% single adult council tax discount when he moved back in full time. I should charge more as £40pw probably doesn't cover the electricity and water he uses. But I'm too bloody soft for my own good.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 02/05/2016 14:57

I was going to add OP that at 16 I was at college but renting a very crappy room in a shared house for £60/wk receiving income support of £46/week I had no proper cooking facilities so no sunday roasts. No washing machine which meant I had to go to the laundrette and spend a good 4 hours in there doing my laundry. Electricity was paid in a coin meter. No internet at all so I had to use the limited slots in the council run library or get up very early and camp out outside college library to snag a PC before it got busy. No TV because I couldn't afford the TV licence.

If I had the chance to live with you @ 16yo for that much I would've bitten your arm off!

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