Don't want my daughter to see my sister anymore

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

Sister has 3 sons. I have DD and DS. She has never come to terms with not having a daughter and there have been about four occasions when she has had a jealous outburst (only once directly to me) but usually to our mum.
My relationship with DD is very close; she is very easy going, we share interests and she has always been an easy child. I have trodden carefully trying not to rub my sister's nose in it but she is sensitive about the time I spend with DD and the activities we share. Commitments mean that we can't always involve my sister but they have done the odd thing together. Generally sister doesn't like DD being involved in things we do though.
It came to a head again last week when she had a go at me about DD being overweight, inactive and unhealthy. DD is a size 12, 5'7" and has big boobs. She isn't sporty but walks to and from school. I have addressed eating habits with her in the past as she has a large appetite and will eat for the sake of it. I have been conscious of treading carefully and going at it from a health perspective. But I am upset about the attack from my sister. We argued; I told her she had gone too far but she said she was entitled to be honest because she is my sister.I suspect this could be about her not having a daughter but I have been licking my wounds and reflecting on it this week and I now feel that I don't want her to see DD for fear of her being judged. Just need a bit of help to process my feelings and the situation.

Sis is a nob. Drop her.

In what universe is size 12 overweight?!

She addressed me, not DD and of course, I have not told DD about the conversation. I don't think that being a size 12 is an issue. She is curvy with boobs and hips and a small waist. I may have incorrectly associated the comments with the 'I haven't got a daughter' thing. I am just upset that she thinks that of my daughter and guess I need to keep some space between them.

Is there any chance that your DD could spend time like that with her aunt? When you talk about your sister's reactions to the Disney thing and the shopping trip it's understandable that she might be a bit pent up as she'll never experience that with her own DD, though it doesn't justify her being mean about your DD.

Do your DCs otherwise have a good relationship with their aunt?

OP said her DD is a size 12 and 5'7", that doesn't sound overweight to me and she's still growing. She needs to be able to eat healthily and not have food issues bought on by her jealous aunt.

I'm no contact with my sister, because she's a bitch and thought she could extend her evil cunty behaviour to my children because she is utterly jealous of my relationship with my DC. She has gorgeous DC herself whom she parents badly. She's not my problem. My DC are my responsibility and as their mother I'm responsible to ensure they grow up in a warm, loving, caring environment.

Best thing I did was to shut her out of our life.

Your sister needs to get over herself. Apart from anything else, there's no guarantee that if she had a daughter she'd be the 'Disney Princess, shopping with Mummy' type.

I hope that her sons aren't aware of this. A close friend of mine is the youngest of 3 girls- she's very aware that she "should've been a boy"

Yes, their relationship is ok. She spoils them rotten materially but that's a whole other thread!

Three "outbursts" in 15 years? You only know about two of them because your mum told you (why?). One happened in front of you (after the birthday party?).

Having a big woe-is-me cry in public about not having a daughter is weird, very weird, but still it doesn't seem like grounds for being as upset as you are.

I am your daughter's height. Size 12 is big for a 15 year old. It would be rude of your DSis to mention your DD's weight to your DD but she didn't do that. She mentioned it privately to you. Whether that's rude or not depends on lots of things. My DSis and I could talk about that kind of thing.

I feel sorry for her 3 DS if they know about any of this. It says they are not really good enough for her, which will screw up their self esteem.

Is there a massive backstory of drip drip drip stuff she has done to you?

Ooh fuck OP. Please keep your DD away from her it'll only get worse when it comes to her first prom, wedding, kids and all in between!

Your sis sounds very very insecure and I am wondering, only because I see it within my own family, that because your DD is the only girl your sister might perceive her as getting special treatment?

Your mum sharing the pictures/news/videos whatever else may, in her eyes, be bringing out a whacking great spark of jealously that's not entirely related to her not having a girl but just the attention is on your DCs not hers? If your mum and you do things with DD that you don't really do with the boys (because of some interest differences) then she'll think there is some special treatment going on.

It's a difficult one to navigate it. I have a sister who is very very jealous. when relatives are pregnant or kids doing well she gets bitchy and cruel. The worst was when she pregnant with her second whilst 2 others were pregnant with their firsts. No one is that bothered with no2 babies but firsts there's a lot of excitement! Not to mention the time she got pissy I was pregnant (after 6Misscarriages) and people were super excited. She got herself pregnant as quickly as she could then got very stroppy he wasn't having a 'first'. Me and my cousin had the first boy and first girl grandkids and she let everyone know how pissed she was about it.

Anyway... Don't stop doing g anything. Don't adjust your life to make her feel better. This is her problem to deal with not yours. As my gran would say 'Nothing you do is going to remove the stick from her arse'.

Shes a growing teenager they are like toddlers they need food when they have growth spurts. Size 12 and 5'7" sounds fine infact it sounds healthy! Even if she did have a daughter she mightve not even been a girly girl anyway.

One was to my mum when I went to a show with DD (my xmas present to her). It was Disney Princesses on Ice and she sobbed because she would never be able to do that with a daughter. Another incident happened when there was a birthday party and DD was dressed as Belle. The other girls were all dressed up too and she cried bcis she would never be able to dress her child up like that. The recent outburst was because I had a day shopping with DD in London

Oh bloody hell she sounds awful, her poor sons! Boys like disney shows, shopping trips to london and fancy dress too FFS.
Jesus she sounds awful

I think you might actually be feeding into it by being "sensitive" about it when its totally damaging, both to her sons and to you and your DD, and she needs to work through it in a healthier way and stop!

Is size 12 for a 15 year old if her height big? Genuine que.

Also OP, you absolutely do not have to apologise for or pussyfoot around the fact that you have a daughter. That's not your 'fault'.

Size 12 at 5'7" is fine.

What is her weight?
It does sound big for a teenager but I guess she is tall

I don't have any scales!

Your sister needs help, your daughter needs you.
S has had 15 years to get used to you having a girl. Is S ill or having relationship problems?

She's an adult height, of couse she will have an adult size. Size 12 is not big.

Oh ffs this isn't about weighing your daughter.

Don't you get it? She's lovely. Protect her.

As long as her height and weight are within the normal Bmi range then she is fine.

Dress size can be a bit of a red herring. If she has big boobs and hips then she will need a bigger size to accommodate them compared to someone the exact same weight and height who could be wearing an 8 or a 10 because they carry their weight differently or have a flatter chest.

I was wearing a 10/12 at 15yo and I'm an inch shorter than your DD with big boobs.

Thank you. I know she's lovely but then I am biased!

One was to my mum when I went to a show with DD (my xmas present to her). It was Disney Princesses on Ice and she sobbed because she would never be able to do that with a daughter. Another incident happened when there was a birthday party and DD was dressed as Belle. The other girls were all dressed up too and she cried bcis she would never be able to dress her child up like that. The recent outburst was because I had a day shopping with DD in London

She sounds unhinged to be honest. I can see how you could regret not having a child of a particular gender but to be crying about it regularly years later out of envy that your sister has a daughter ... she has some issues to deal with.

My dd age 15 is in fact overweight because of the medication she has been taking. She is tall and if she wore a size 12 would be perfectly fine-not overweight at all. I don't know if your dd is overweight or not but I can tell you I wouldn't let anyone unsupervised near my dd who might judge her or even mention anything to her about her weight. We are dealing with it. she doesn't need anyone making comments at her.

As a mother of two boys, your sister needs to grow the fuck up. I'd have loved a daughter, I'm close to my mum and would have loved an similar relationship. My boys rock though and I wouldn't change them. I got over the daughter thing probably no later the day after my scan.

I couldn't pander to behaviour like your sister is showing, it'll only validate it in her mind. Not only is it bad for your daughter, what do her kids think if she's so weird about not having girls?

The weight thing is irrelevant. Whether she's fat or thin it's not your sister's business.

Even if OP's daughter was a size 22 it's none of her sister's business!