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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? is he BU? I really can't tell any more!

60 replies

makeitpink · 01/05/2016 10:59

Ok long story short I feel like my partner is emotionally abusing me but I'm not sure if I am just being overly sensitive? Or seeing things where they aren't there.

He will call me fat (I am over weight) and think it's a joke but I have told him it does upset me, he looks at other, much slimmer, younger, prettier women when we are out together and is really obvious about it and he will always make sure I know when he is looking at other women on FB.

When ever he says something nice he will follow it up by looking at his pint and suggesting that he's drunk/something wrong with the beer cause obviously he'd have to be under some influence to say nice things to me. He doesn't say he loves me really, will sometimes text it.

He has some good points and will take me and my kids out for dinner and treat the kids to bits and pieces when we are out. And he does always say he's joking when he says hurtful things.

This morning I asked him to fill my glass with water whilst he was in the kitchen and he only filled it half way (he knows this really annoys me!!). It feels like the last straw.

So AIBU? Or is he being emotionally abusive?? Sorry for epic post!

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 01/05/2016 13:15

I hope you get shot, good time to do it, pack his bits up tonight put them out side, change locks and go out for the day, no confrontation if that's not your thing. He sounds like a condescending twat

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies · 01/05/2016 13:25

Do it today my lovely, then your glass will never be half full ever again .

Ohh, so sorry OP, I meant to say 'your glass will never be half empty ever again! Flowers

Elendon · 01/05/2016 13:29

I didn't ask if he pressurised you into having sex. I asked if you have sex with him, when you don't want too. Who has sex with someone when they know that the only one person is getting any sort of 'satisfaction' from it. I know that being intimate is about reciprocal actions. Anything less, is a no go to.

Elendon · 01/05/2016 13:37

And you never sexually satisfy someone who only gets the 'pleasure'. Those on the receiving end of this type of sexual activity who fake pleasure are those with low self esteem. They are pleasers and their worth in life is to please others.

You have no ties with him. You understand the sexual dynamics between you both. You do have the strength to end this.

Good luck!

AyeAmarok · 01/05/2016 14:10

He sounds like a truly horrible person. He wants you to feel insecure and grateful for the crumbs he throws your way. You deserve better than this.

Since you don't live together, it's actually really easy to end the relationship.

Just text him or call him and say "this relationship isn't working for me anymore. It's over." and then don't engage any further in talking about (or letting him steam roller over what you have decided).

Onlyicanclean10 · 01/05/2016 14:15

It should be fun op, it should be fun, supportive, mutually kind and any jokes should be mutually enjoyed.

Put it this way, if one of my dss was behaving like this I would be ashamed and kick his arse.

makeitpink · 01/05/2016 15:03

Tried to say I wasn't happy. Ended up a gibbering wreck Confused he's leaving tomorrow to go to his own home. Will text next week. I know this is weak of me. Thanks for your input MN X

OP posts:
LeaLeander · 01/05/2016 17:01

Why do you give him so much power over you?

makeitpink · 01/05/2016 17:17

I think I'm scared that actually he is right and I'm over reacting. I'm afraid to be alone and have let my stupid head ruin a good relationship. I keep thinking he can learn to be more loving. I know it's pathetic and I have told friends in similar circumstances to LTB and believe me I see the irony!!!

OP posts:
Shouldwebeworried · 01/05/2016 17:45

You've been together 6 years and he is not loving to you now, he is NOT going to "learn to be more loving".

You are NOT ruining a "good" relationship by being overly sensitive. This is not a good relationship.
His attitude towards you has got you so topsy turvy that you can't see how dreadful his behaviour towards you is.

I would class what you have described as emotionally abusive, he purposefully does/says things that he knows upset you and then belittles you when you tell him how you feel and gives no respect/weight to what you say. He won't even "let you" finish with him.

Get out now before this gets any worse and your kids see anymore of his horrible behaviour towards you.
You are worth a million times more than what this "man" thinks of you!

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