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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? is he BU? I really can't tell any more!

60 replies

makeitpink · 01/05/2016 10:59

Ok long story short I feel like my partner is emotionally abusing me but I'm not sure if I am just being overly sensitive? Or seeing things where they aren't there.

He will call me fat (I am over weight) and think it's a joke but I have told him it does upset me, he looks at other, much slimmer, younger, prettier women when we are out together and is really obvious about it and he will always make sure I know when he is looking at other women on FB.

When ever he says something nice he will follow it up by looking at his pint and suggesting that he's drunk/something wrong with the beer cause obviously he'd have to be under some influence to say nice things to me. He doesn't say he loves me really, will sometimes text it.

He has some good points and will take me and my kids out for dinner and treat the kids to bits and pieces when we are out. And he does always say he's joking when he says hurtful things.

This morning I asked him to fill my glass with water whilst he was in the kitchen and he only filled it half way (he knows this really annoys me!!). It feels like the last straw.

So AIBU? Or is he being emotionally abusive?? Sorry for epic post!

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 01/05/2016 12:33

Excellent. Let him go home and tell him never to come back again. If he has a key - change the lock.

Elendon · 01/05/2016 12:33

Do you have sex with him, even though you don't want to?

I would not want to be with anyone who behaved like that to me. And I don't have high self esteem.

I think he should be dumped. And good riddance to him.

Original poster
makeitpink · 01/05/2016 12:38

No he doesn't pressure me into sex. Sex is usually on his terms though. Mostly for his pleasure rather than mine.

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 01/05/2016 12:38

Absolute twat. He "accepts your apology" wtf?? He will erode your confidence more and more the longer you stay with him, he sounds like an immature wanker, sorry.

Cabrinha · 01/05/2016 12:40

It really is as simple as you saying "you know, this really isn't working is it? I think it's best if we break up".

Of course you could list all the ways in which he's a total shit... but I wouldn't waste your breath and I think you'll find the above suggestion easier anyway.

Having a partner who likes a glass full, and remembering to do that even when you don't usually, is one of those little things that remind a partner every time that they are loved. The opposite tells you that he doesn't give a fuck. It's not even absent mindedness - he actually laughs at you.

Your boyfriend should love you more than anyone in the world (bar your parents and kids). Just - why would you settle for anyone who is unkind? WHY?

Imagine a colleague at work who always pulled that shit with the water and laughed at you. Would you think - ooooooh, I'd like to date him? No, you would not. So don't date this arsehole.

You're so lucky that you are literally only a sentence (you can even text! You owe him nothing) away from being free of the shit.

SixtiesChildOfWildBlueSkies · 01/05/2016 12:41

How do I break up with him and leave with some of my self worth/esteem in tact ?

Just as AlpacaLypse says, the second you tell him he's gone, you change the locks, and realise that you never, EVER have to listen to any of his nasty, belittling comments ever again. THAT's how.

Just say to him (or text if you prefer) this is no longer working for me, goodbye. No explanations, just repeat, and repeat, and repeat.

Do it today my lovely, then your glass will never be half full ever again.

RandomMess · 01/05/2016 12:41

You don't live together so it's actually quite easy.

Pack all his stuff up - next time he comes around hand it to him and tell him it's over, get your key back their and then. If he won't or starts talking etc. shut the door in his face and lock the door from the inside.

Block his number, forward emails into junk, get locks changed.

You self esteem will recover without him in your life eroding it!

Cabrinha · 01/05/2016 12:42

And there you go - the sex is for him too. Surprise surprise.

The only good thing you've found to say about him is he sometimes throws money at you.

Are you for sale?

Thought not.

One text, now. Job done - and a lovely back holiday weekend in which to feel FREE!!!! Flowers

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 01/05/2016 12:44

Oh Op there surely can't be any question here at all, this guy doesn't even particularly like you very much Sad. He doesn't respect you and is treating you with contempt, you deserve so much more. Please ditch this loser and get on with your life.

Oldraver · 01/05/2016 12:46

You dont have to give him any reason, tell him you dont wnat to see him anymore, take back the key if he has one change the locks. Block and delete him form contacting you, dont engage at all, dont justify.

And I bet you self esteem will show an appearance very soon

Hassled · 01/05/2016 12:47

Just the "in season" comment alone would have me heading for the hills.
Don't worry about keeping your self-esteem intact - just the act of leaving him will do that for you.

Costacoffeeplease · 01/05/2016 12:47

Brilliant that you don't live together - if he's there now, tell him to leave and take his key/change the locks - job done. What a dickhead he is

Nanny0gg · 01/05/2016 12:47

You are getting nothing worthwhile out of this 'relationship'. You are getting lots of misery.

He is demonstrating to your children how to walk over someone you are supposed to care for.

Be very grateful you don't live together. You don't owe him any explanation. You don't want to see him any more. If pressed, just tell him you don't like him any more.

Block his number. Move on.

LindyHemming · 01/05/2016 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inlectorecumbit · 01/05/2016 12:55

Try giving a 1/2 full plate and meal times and wash 1/2 his clothes, iron 1/2 his shirts /t-shirts (if you do his laundry that is) see how he likes it.
But l would probably bite the bullet and leave-- or get him to leave , that way you will lose 12 stone + of dead weight very quickly

inlectorecumbit · 01/05/2016 12:56

Doh should have read page 2 --sorry Blush

Lynnm63 · 01/05/2016 12:58

How to end it and gave your self esteem intact? Text 'jog on tosspot' to him.
If he accepts your 'apology' tell him 'I wasn't apologising you sanctimonious cunt now be a good chap and fuck off'

RattieOfCatan · 01/05/2016 13:00

Get rid of him, as the others said, just hand him his things at the door and demand the key back. You don't owe him a single explanation so don't get drawn into it. If you have a friend you can have be your back up, ask them to come be there when you end it so that they can be an extra pillar of strength, even if they're sat in a different room, knowing that they are there can help you stay firm at the door and send him on his merry way.

LeaLeander · 01/05/2016 13:02

God, he is a vile asshole! I wouldn't deal with someone like him as a friend, neighbor or tradesman let alone as a supposed lover. You've wasted six years being treated this way? Get rid!

DeadGood · 01/05/2016 13:02

Wow - he's awful. The way he talks to you is not normal.
Change the locks, tell him it's over and move on. I wish I could tell you how much better off you are without him. And that you could see from the outside just how awful he sounds.

ImperialBlether · 01/05/2016 13:03

Are you serious? There isn't one reason why you should be having anything to do with this idiot. Tell him to get lost.

Lynnm63 · 01/05/2016 13:04

Or I may be fat but you're a cunt and ooh look I've just 'lost' 12 stone of lard..... Bye.

TinkerbellaPan · 01/05/2016 13:06

Or don't bother telling him you're breaking up face to face and just change the locks when he's out and do it by text. He'll probably slag you off for being a wimp or whatever, but seeing as he wont let you dump him face to face then screw doing it in an honourable way. He doesn't deserve being treated nicely. Just cut him out your life and stop speaking to him.

Think about it. He clearly doesn't like you, so why would you even want to be mates with him? It is not your fault he's an arsehole. He is aware that you could do better than him, that is why he acts this way. Let that boost your self esteem, you know you can do better, and you have enough respect to get rid of someone who treats you like crap. Be strong, get angry. Flowers

acasualobserver · 01/05/2016 13:10

The more you post, the more appalling he sounds. You ask about regaining your self-esteem ... first step, bin him.

PannaDoll · 01/05/2016 13:15

I think the real question is how do you stay with him and keep your self esteem intact?