I have a very mixed family but am more or less black. Coffee coloured. DH is white. Race has never been an issue on either side but his damn mother keeps on saying the most infuriating things and DH and FIL keeps on shrugging it off as "she's just from a different time/ it's just silly ignorance"
When I think about what my family has been through I just cannot dismiss it as such. I've done the whole "Oh come on" polite speech but she just laughs me off as being defensive: "Oh I don't mean you, you're different"
Examples:
On DD1 when she was just born: "Oh, she's beautiful - not even as dark as I expected."
A conversation about an advert urging people to foster BAME kids: "Yes well of course more of them are in the system they just don't value family as much as other people do they?"
On first meeting me : "Oh you're quite well spoken"
On me straightening DD1s hair as a one off for a special occasion: "Her hair is so much prettier like this - so much less unruly"
On DD saying "I'm from Jamaica!" because her nanna is from there and we just got back from a trip and she's proud of her mixed heritage : "Oh but not that much darling"
On black lives matter : "Why are they so angry? If you behave like a hooligan you will be treated as such"
It really upsets me and I don't want my DCs hearing this shit. Yes their dad is white but they are still people of colour and I don't want them growing up hearing the shit I heard which made me feel inferior at times.....from their own damn grandma!!!
I don't even want them thinking about bloody race but it's like she cant help herself from making comments which subtly remind them that they are different from their blond haired blue eyes cousins. They are subtle and not all the time but enough to plant a seed.
Told DH MIL's comments aren't getting better and I'd I refuse to fight with her about it. I've addressed her comments nicely several times and she just laughs me off. DH is being useless. Seems to think that because she's not in the KKK its all petty.
I don't know what to do.
AIBU?
To think MIL is not racist....but so f*cking ignorant & shouldn't be around DCs
rockacrybaby · 30/04/2016 22:01
Mu mil said to my husband when we were dating
When are you going to stop messing around with those ethic girls and find a nice girl someone we can be proud of 
Tbh honest as Somone who is married t a white person but is also charged as the person who has to build there self asteam and protecting them from racism I would also be having a long chat with your husband about what he understands rarasicm I think he he thinks his mothers comments are not a issue then he has no chance in helping them understand how the outside world will view them and equipping them with what is a white privallged word
Hi guys.
DD and DS play with all toys but ive been weary to make sure they have ones that look like them too. When I was growing up their were no black princesses portrayed in story books or on tv shows to make me feel I belonged or was beautiful. All the adverts were of white women with long silly hair etc all the shit that makes people of colour feel alienated and not beautiful growing up. These days you turn on the TV and the first advert you see features a mixed raced family. DD can watch Aladdin, The Princess And The Frog, Mulan, Home and Pocahontas as well as Frozen now. When she watches TV she sees all races included and celebrated. As someone who has lived in this country in our darker times......I'm so proud of how far we have come.
My hair was nappy unruly and ugly.
DDs hair is literally cooed over everywhere we go
I was too dark and therefore not pretty but
DD is just so cute and omg you're kids look so exotic and OMG I love mixed raced kids!
It's a shame it's come to this. This is her nan and what I have to do is about to cause some serious tension. I spoke to DH before bed ; he said he knows but his mother was his hero growing up and he's just been wrapping his head around it. He will have a solid talk with her today after lunch. I promise you guys my husband isn't okay with racism. I think this is a tough one because he always thought he came from middle class liberal background......but now that liberalism must have been in theory. Not practice. He really is in shock I realised last night. He said he knows his mum is wrong and it just hurts to know what has to come next.
I said I understand but I don't want DD not thinking she is beautiful because of her blackness like I did at times growing up. He said growing up despite being in London he was always socially around white people due to his schooling etc. He said he remembers seeing black girls with their long braids and thinking they looked like movie stars and were so cool and beautiful. 
He said he will never ever ever let DD ever feel less than and apologised for letting his mum go unchecked and for making me feel pressure to do it when it should be him. He also said he's subtly been reminding DD that nanny has lost her marbles etc but didn't do it when I was around because he didn't want it to be too intense or look like a gang up on his mum as DD does love her nanny.
I'm really upset. I love my little rainbow family ; why can't she????
Janecc I know I know 
I'm really getting anxious guys I'm scared of how MIL FIL SILs and BILs will react. I have a nasty nasty feeling it's about to kick off and become a huge family drama. 
We have had some great times as a family. She's going to feel betrayed. I've tried to shut her down so many times nicely though. She knows what she's doing and I hate that it's come to this.
I hate family drama. It can really fuck shit up. Im scared about what she's going to say when seriously and sternly confronted by her precious son. I have a very very horrid feeling.
shonasybarbaric she won't. that's probably why he's avoided this for so long and why I've been a little soft with it.
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