Row with DH - AIBU? or is he?

[iloveewanthedreamsheep]

I'll try to keep this short.

My dad plays golf. He wants to buy our DS (who is currently 4 months old) his first set of golf clubs, when he is big enough. He's mentioned this a couple of times.

DH just lost his rag about this. He says that only he and I should make choices (and discuss them with DS) like this about hobbies.

I think some plastic golf clubs and a few goes up the driving range when older do not make a hobby. Also if my dad wants to do something bonding with our son all the better. Also choices like this will be offered to him every day in life/at school etc. I wouldn't mind the PIL doing something like this with him. I also think HE IS 4 MONTHS OLD!! What a ridiculous thing to get a bee in your bonnet about.

Rant over. Thanks for reading - AIBU?

I don't think you are, does DH maybe feel that your parents are a bit overbearing? Is this the final straw that broke the camel's back?

Come on, there's far more to the story than that isn't there?

On the face of it your DH is being utterly ridiculous. Is there a back story? Was there some tragic golf related incident in his childhood?!

I think he does. But my parents are just different to his - more demonstrative and more involved. His parents are very very lovely but are almost standoffish at times.

Seen as your little one is only 4 months I think your dh is being unreasonable and your having a row over something when you really don't need too.

Once your ds is old enough what's the harm in some plastic gold clubs and seeing if he enjoys it, if he doesn't then he doesn't have to play golf.

I personally think it's lovely when grandparents want to bond and do things with there grandchildren

Your DH really needs to get a grip :)

Ha! No tragic golf incident. DH is poorly and doesn't/can't play golf, but he can't play any sport.

I think I'm cross because he says we will do it his way, and I don't get to have an opinion!

Perhaps he is feeling a bit jealous about the thought of your ds spending time and bonding with his gf doing an activity that your dh can't do or join in? Still petty and ridiculous though!

Of course you get to have an opinion. Just make sure it gets heard often enough.

You say your DH is ill and cannot play sport? Did I understand that properly?

Perhaps he is envious that other people may have the opportunity to play golf or other sport with your DS in a way that he will not?

That doesn't mean that he gets to hold DS back from those pleasures though.

I can well imagine that you're cross - his way or the highway?! Sod that!

I would just say that you're not prepared to have a hypothetical conversation about golf or any other sport that your DS may or not play at some point in the future. It's a difficult one as you've obviously had different upbringings - his family sound as if they are quiet inward looking (standoffish?) and reserved whereas yours sound more outgoing and sociable (interfering?), and so you're both trying to adjust to different approaches to grandparenting in the context of your own upbringing. Give it time - and don't get into arguments about something that hasn't even happened

Your dh is a gobshite!

I have some sympathy with your DH tbh. It would piss me off if my PILs kept going on about some sport they wanted to introduce my DC to, from which I was excluded due to ill health.

He is being unreasonable if he really does plan to step in and prevent this though.

Of course you get to have an opinion! He's saying your parents don't, not you.

Your dh is being a bit precious

How poorly is poorly? I can understand him worrying about not being able to do "normal" things with his son like play sport, and perhaps being resentful over people who can

I suspect he will mellow over the years as he finds his niche of what he CAN do with DS and realises that he willl adore his daddy even without sport. For now he is probably adjusting to having a tiny baby, probably not able to do much with him (babies just want their mums aftwr all) and perhaps feeling a bit pushed out. If you could encourage him to calve his own path if might reduce the tension

Tbh, I'd been pissed if my parents or in laws decided that my DD was going to do a particular sport, hobby, etc., if she had not shown any inclination towards it.

I think that your husband is wrong for getting so cross, but I think it's odd that your dad has mentioned it at all, let alone more than once.

sounds to me like your dh is upset that he won't have the opportunity to do sporty things with his ds. cut him a bit of slack. of course you'll get a say. but it's nice for your ds to have a relationship with his grandad who obviously cares very much.

he's 4 months old. when he's 2 or 3 you'll both be really pleased to have a break while grandad takes ds to crazy gold.

It'll blow over. At this age it's golf with granddad, and without Daddy. By the time he's 4 it will have changed in your minds to free childcare with bonus extra sleep afterwards.
Both you and your husband are probably still a bit sleep deprived and tempers can easily flare over things that don't really matter.

My parents play golf. I don't. DH hates the sport.
However, both dcs go and play with my parents. They have been bought some golf clubs too. They only play during the hols when my parents look after them (so a few weeks in the year).

Does it make it a hobby for them? NO
Does it allow them to do something with their grand parents and get to bound over it? YES

Are we actually in control of what sort of hobby the dcs have? What the heck NO!! They have their own tastes, different to mines and DH, different abilities, again different to mines and DH. They are their own persona that can choose what the heck they want to do and like.
On that ground your DH is unreasonable.

I think it's nice your dfil intends to spend time with your child.

My kids would have loved it. In fact, my ex fil bought only some of his favoured grand children clubs and my ds are deeply hurt, in their own childish way.
They'd probably hate golf, but that's not the point. It's a lovely activity for a grandparent to do occasionally with a child.

It's not like he's going to buy him a jag and some gin and a Pringle jumper.

On the face of it your DH is being utterly ridiculous. Is there a back story? Was there some tragic golf related incident in his childhood?!

Btw, how on earth can a child show an inclination about it if they have never done this port before???
What this poor grand dad is saying is: I loive the sport, I would like to share it with my grandson.
If said grandson doesn't like it, I'm sure that he will let people know. Even at 4yo!

Your DH is being (maybe understandably due to illness) over sensitive but give it 3 years, he will be over the moon that your dad wants to take him out for an hour or so on the weekend to give him a break.

Fwiw, my dm loves badminton, she bought ds a mini set of badminton rackets and a shuttlecock...he's totally uninterested. This is seriously not an issue worth stressing about.

As for being frustrated of not being able to do sports/whatever with his son when his FIL can...
Sorry but he'll have to accept it and get on with it.

Ot's a shame, oit's frustrating sometimes, esp when you end up taking them to do activities you love to participate to but can't. But you just do.
Talking from experience there. More or less every weekend when I take the dcs doing a sport I'd love to do but can't. So I stay on the side lines and try to rejoice at their happiness.