Row with DH - AIBU? or is he?

[iloveewanthedreamsheep]

I'll try to keep this short.

My dad plays golf. He wants to buy our DS (who is currently 4 months old) his first set of golf clubs, when he is big enough. He's mentioned this a couple of times.

DH just lost his rag about this. He says that only he and I should make choices (and discuss them with DS) like this about hobbies.

I think some plastic golf clubs and a few goes up the driving range when older do not make a hobby. Also if my dad wants to do something bonding with our son all the better. Also choices like this will be offered to him every day in life/at school etc. I wouldn't mind the PIL doing something like this with him. I also think HE IS 4 MONTHS OLD!! What a ridiculous thing to get a bee in your bonnet about.

Rant over. Thanks for reading - AIBU?

Actually, I can see your dh's point. Your father is trying to foist golf onto your child, whether you guys like it or not. I'm not saying that I would necessarily have a problem with golf, but I would have a problem with the attitude of 'I'm going to get x for your baby, whether you like it or not' rather than 'would it be OK with you if I got x for your baby?' iyswim.

Hmm. I get pissed off when PIL try and force football on my DC. Baby sized football kits, toy footballs etc. PIL love it, DH loves it. If the DC love it themselves then fine but I don't want it forced on them.

This is the same as a mum wanting to buy her child their first shoes, order their first birthday cake, take them for their first swimming lesson. Your DH is fine.

Thanks for the perspective mumsnet!

Buying a set of plastic golf clubs for a young child is such a ridiculous thing to get worked up about. Your DH is BU. While he might be upset he can't participate in sports it would be very selfish to not encourage your DS doing something like golf with your Dad. Most kid like playing crazy golf and at a young age that is all it would be. If your DS likes it, some do and some don't then why not encourage it? My brother has played golf from the age of 8 and still adores it and plays competitively all over the world. Personally I can't stand the game/sport.

The only reasonable response to this is "let's see what DS wants to do when he's able"! Never mind everyone deciding what hobbies he's going to have, or not, when he's 4 months old! How daft!

I totally see where he's coming from, but I was nibbled by a 9 iron at an impressionable age.

What TattyCat said.

Your dh needs to realise that by the time your ds is able to hold a golf club he will be a person in his own right with his own ideas. He may love golf or he may hate it. He will want to try things because his bf is doing them or because they are the flavour of the month or for whatever reason. Your DF may not get a look in. But then neither may your dh.

My Dad cannot do things like kicking a ball with my DS because he is ill (MS). It limits a lot of what he can do as a grandparent and that is hard for him and very, very upsetting. Especially as very little children really don't understand why people with a disability can't do something sometimes.

Knowing how tough that is for my Dad, just as a grandparent, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for a father. Every Dad dreams of kicking a ball around with their kids don't they? Teaching them to throw a ball, use a bat, that sort of thing.

I think it's possible that your DH is struggling with the idea of not being able to parent in exactly the way he wants because of his physical limitations. It might be an idea for you and your Dad to bear that in mind and deal with the subject more sensitively. If he is struggling with that the thought of his son disappearing off with fun Grandad to hit balls around at the weekend while boring Daddy can't do anything could be a tough one to deal with.

I think it's odd and insensitive that your dad has felt the need to mention this on more than one occasion given that your DH is so unwell he can't even play any sport. Your baby is 4 monthsold, tell your dad he's made his point - he's buying golf clubs - and can he shut up about it now please.