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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shitting myself about this ?!

34 replies

Majorlyscared1993 · 27/04/2016 17:37

I have created an account in mild desperation- need to hear that everything is going to be ok!

I will keep it short as possible

I gave birth to ds in December 2015- birth was somewhat traumatic so ever since I have been quite satisfied that he will be my first and last.

Have been using condoms with dh since the birth

I have had a feeling inside me... Like I knew something was different. I did a pregnancy test and it immediately read positive. So I did another... And another... You get the point.

So from my rough calculations this baby would be due mid December.

So the AIBU.. Is it U to be very scared about having two children so close together? I feel very lucky that there is obviously a plan for me to have more than one child and I am glad that my son will have a play mate. I feel very blessed to be pregnant once again, I am just frightened as to logistically how I manage with two small children!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 27/04/2016 17:39

It's OK to worry about the logistics. You could pop over to the multiples board for tips.

MrPony · 27/04/2016 17:42

Well yanbu to be nervous, a baby is a big deal!

There are lots of pros to having babies close in age, it'll take some adjusting but you'll be fine.

hazelangell · 27/04/2016 17:43

If the first time you fell pregnant you had twins then you would have just muddled along some how (many people do) and I'm sure you will be fine. It's normal to feel scared though, especially after a traumatic birth. YANBU.

Cutecat78 · 27/04/2016 17:44

You'll be fine!!

I had 3 under fours - the third one raised himself Grin

QueenArseClangers · 27/04/2016 17:46

My friend had 12 months age difference between two of hers.
It was hard work but she loved it. They can't remember a time without each other and are thick as thieves.

You'll cope just fine, make sure you ask for support though 💐

Twitterqueen · 27/04/2016 17:47

Another one saying you'll be fine. There were only 364 days between me and my elder sister. Clearly I was a mistake. I have to say that does rankle a teeny weeny bit so make sure #2 gets extra love!

the more you have the easier it gets Wink

Original poster
Majorlyscared1993 · 27/04/2016 17:49

Thank you everybody that has replied. I think I'm still getting my head around it! Dh is very pleased, I'm just feeling more shaken up about the whole thing. It is good in a way that the decision to have more has been taken out of my hands because I know how close my children will be when they grow up as I myself have a sister who is only a year younger than me. I do struggle as both of my parents have disowned me so I very much rely on the support of my in laws

OP posts:
Twitterqueen · 27/04/2016 17:51

Oh, congratulations by the way!
And another thing... my #1 birth was truly awful, Sunday pm to Tues am with everything under the sun. She was back-to-back.

#2 birth nearly happened on the dining room floor because I was so blase about how long it was going to take I was trying to sort out sheets & duvet for guest bed, sandwiches, toys for #1 etc etc. We made it to hospital with 5 minutes to spare after a 3 hour labour with no drugs or intervention.

No 2 births are the same!

Sallyingforth · 27/04/2016 17:55

Just - congratulations! Of course you will cope :)

Pinkheart5915 · 27/04/2016 18:04

I completely understanding where you are coming from with feeling very blessed to be pregnant but nervous about two close together.
When my dd is born in August my ds will only be 11 months and I was nervous about the age gap when I first found out I was pregnant now it's just excited as I know we will cope somehow.

Congratulation by the way

ShmooBooMoo · 27/04/2016 18:11

I know someone who gave birth in Jan and Dec of the same year...they found it hard but manageable! Congratulations! Smile

icanteven · 27/04/2016 18:12

Congratulations!

You'll be fine - it's going to be a tiring 2 years, but having them so close together will be great in a million different ways.

Original poster
Majorlyscared1993 · 27/04/2016 18:14

Thank you again everybody! I've got to pull my socks up and start making plans!! Wink

OP posts:
Katarzyna79 · 27/04/2016 18:16

majorely same happened to me after my first. i thought i was being so careful too obviously not. they were a year a part and actually the experience from the first made the 2nd easier. the hard part as you already know are the first few weeks getting the baby in a sleep routine, thats tough especially since you cant lie in with baby if other child decides to wake up early. But after a few months when you see the grow up together play together gets easier. Mine were also born in the same month both summer babies born 2 days apart but obviously a year difference ;)

I wish you the best OP don't fret you will do a wonderful job :)

TheDailyMailareabunchofcunts · 27/04/2016 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocolateChipCupcake · 27/04/2016 18:20

Mine are a bit further apart (19 months) but they are the closest in my peer group. I love the small age gap. They are 4 and 5 now and they get on together so well, and play so nicely. They don't remember not having each other and I'm really pleased I could give them the present of each other. It's easier in a way too, because they have the same interests broadly speaking so what entertains one entertains them both.

Of course it's hard having 2 small children but I wouldn't want to start again with nappies etc (and watching bloody Night Garden) once it was all a distant memory. It is much easier already.

Also, 2nd births are almost always less traumatic than first. I had an induction for first which took days, but 2nd was out in 4 1/2 hours after the first twinge.

Good luck, and congratulations!

MyQuaterLifeCrisis · 27/04/2016 18:22

I found out I was pregnant with my second when my first was 11 months old. It was hard in the early day (on my own) but now they are 4 & 5 and in school, so independant and I'm desperate for another!

Itsallaswizz · 27/04/2016 18:30

You will be fine. Less than 2 years between mine and yes some tough times but now 5&6 things are great! I'd say, for me, the youngest first year was tough but after that it's been all good really. I had two girls too so don't know if that makes a difference having two the be same sex. If I had my time again I'd do the same - maybe even closer together!

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 27/04/2016 18:30

DD was invited to a birthday party of (what I assumed were) twins last August. I bought them both an 8th birthday card but DD then informed me one of them was 8 in August and the other one 9 in September! So almost a year apart but in the same school year!

My DC are close in age and, although it was hard in the beginning, it's so worth it now they're 9 and 10.

Flowers
happyis · 27/04/2016 18:35

Congratulations!

I have a small gap between my two.

I felt very much like you! We had tried for nearly 2yrs to conceive ds1, he was so wanted! Then ds2 came along completely by surprise! I felt absolutely awful for not feeling the same elation and excitement that I had first time around.

I was worried about so many things! not having time for ds1, managing 2 under 2, money, Giving birth again so soon, DH and I relationship, are just a few!

The first few months were hard work in a physical sense, but it does get much easier! cbeebies became my lifesaver lol! And it helped that ds2 was such a happy baby, who would go to anyone and everyone, (he is still the more sociable one of the pair lol)

Being a similar age, they like similar tv programs, toys and activities. They play brilliantly with each other and entertain each other (most of the time lol) I think a small gap can be quite challenging in the early days, but it certainly makes things much, much easier for the long term.

randomer · 27/04/2016 18:38

yes they bond and become " the kids" which is great

Lolimax · 27/04/2016 18:42

13 months between mine. The babies are now 18 and 19 so it is survivable! Don't expect too much of yourself, take help where it's offered and don't forget to take plenty of photos of no.2 (I have a lot less than of no.1!). You'll be fine and good luck.

whatsagoodusername · 27/04/2016 18:46

I had the same - not a great birth, found out I was pregnant with unplanned DS2 when DS1 was only a few months old - 12 months and 3 weeks between them, and DS2 was a week late Smile

It is hard, and DS2's first year is a bit of a blur to me, but they are 4 and 5 now and they are the best of friends most of the time and it is great that they are nearly always at quite similar stages.

MyQuaterLifeCrisis · 27/04/2016 18:49

I must say that yes, the early days were shit - especially the double buggy days - and I felt really trapped with no way out. But now, both started school and I regularly freak out about how grown up they have become... I also teared up walking down the Asda baby sale aisle yesterday, because I can't get away with buying anything 'baby' anymore! My days now are focused around running mu business and doing a full time degree. Those crap days soon pass.

whatsagoodusername · 27/04/2016 18:50

Take it easy, and take care of yourself. This is the hard stage.

I got a reputation for being very laid back when DS1 was a baby. Really I just got very good at assessing a situation and whether DS was safe. I wasn't chasing after him if I didn't have to when very pregnant or with a newbornSmile It did help he and DS2 were quite independent generally.