To ask: did your/does your Dp want to stay on the maternity ward with you after you had a baby?

[PatternChanger]

I was in for a few nights following a difficult birth. No big drama but they had to monitor me for a few days. We were in a single room and had fantastic care.
Dh would be itching to leave by 7ish each night and would come back at about 11am the next day. As the care was good this really didn't bother me at the time but chatting to other mums it seems he's a minority.

If your partner was allowed, did they want to stay? Were they sad if they couldn't? Did you want them there?

When exH had to go home after I was moved onto the ward I sobbed. It was horrible! And I thought quite unfair that he got to run off home for a take away and some kip and I was left holding the baby with dodgy hospital food. With third DC I discharged myself. They wanted to keep me in overnight meaning exH would have had to go home but I refused to be left like that again.

I wouldn't say DH was itching to go, but he wasn't particularly keen on staying either. Like PP, I thought it made more sense for him to go and get some rest and organise things at home (for DD1 because she was premature and we weren't quite ready; for DD2 because DM and DD1, who had been staying with her for a little while, were due to arrive imminently and the house wasn't quite ready).

Actually, for DD2, I think he actually went to work for 4 of the 5 days I was in (only in that long because it's standard in Belgium). I was quite happy, DD2 and I were getting on fine, and spent the days dozing and feeding and eating the snacks that DH brought in.

Had I had complications then my attitude might have been different, but I was quite happy in my room with my baby and the midwives on call, so it made sense for him to get as much rest as he could and also he's absolutely rubbish around medical stuff except when I'm in actual labour when he is amazing, so I would be afraid of him fainting any time someone came in to take bloods

I should say with first DC I was in two nights after a traumatic forceps delivery. I could hardly lift him from his cot, didn't have the strength so I was just holding him the whole time and the midwives kept telling me off which made the hormonal first time mum in me cry. It was horrible, I really wanted exH and my mum there.

My Dp wasn't allowed to stay but I was grateful for a bit of peace tbh ds slept most of the night and I enjoyed a chocolate bar and some crappy tv on the ward, this was after the best c-section ever, I felt fine and was up and about 3 hours afterwards, home the next day.

My DH was perfect whilst I was in hospital and couldnt bear to be parted from our DD and me
When we got home he was a bloody nightmare and always itching to get out the house so I don't think it is a sign of anything to be concerned about
J still remind him he was a

No, while DH and I would have been happy neither of us would have been happy to have the ward filled up with everyone else's DP. Bad enough during visiting hours but I would have hated to have the ward filled over night with DPs demanding XYZ for themselves or their partners.

There was little enough privacy as it was.

First few times dad visited for 2 hours each day because that was the visiting hours. The rest of the times it was open visiting for dads and tbh it was a massive PITO and very irritating indeed, I now don't go to the PN ward unless it's essential because it's almost impossible to get any rest when every bodies partner is there chattering away

I had to stay in for 5 nights and would have loved him to stay, he was there from about 9am till 11 at night. We were lucky they didn't seem to mind at all, I would've found things much harder if they restricted the times. I cried most nights I just wanted to go home it was awful.

With Dd1(emcs) DH stayed until they moved me to the ward about midnight. The following day he overslept (24 hour labour) and didnt turn up until 11am. I was hungry having had nothing to eat for 27 hours. I phoned my mum who brough snacks and the midwives told her to leave until visiting time. So every time Dd1 cried they had to get her for me as I couldn't get out of bed yet.

Dd2 (emcs) DH went home to be with Dd1, my db stayed until 11pm until I moved to the ward from high dependency. He bought Dd1 in to see me the following afternoon for visiting time (partners only in morning).

After ds's birth DH had to look after ds while I was in theatre for 5 hours and then stayed once I reached high dependency until 10pm. He visited the next day (Christmas Eve) for about 4 hours before going back to be with Dd1 and dd2. My DF visited that night. I spent a quiet Christmas Day with ds and a midwife. Couldn't eat anyway and wanted everyone else (particularly dd1 and dd2) to have a nice Christmas after a horrible couple of months of me being in hospital with pregnancy complications.

It seems the majority would want to stay. That makes me feel a bit more justified in feeling a bit hurt. It was a few years ago now and I know there's nothing to be gained from bringing it up now. I just wanted to know what other partners usually do.
I understand that partners staying on the main ward is always a divisive topic. Because I never left the labour ward bit, it wasn't an issue for me but I wouldn't have wanted to bump into random men in my state

Yes, I would have liked ex DP to stay, and he would have liked to stay too.

My DH also wanted to leave at night time -

With dc1 I gave birth around 7am so he waited with me after being up all night and we went home together at around 4pm. I had given birth so felt exhausted however I now look back and realise how tired he must have been too. I wish I'd stayed in that night and sent him home for a rest so we were both ready to face reality with a newborn after a little sleep.

With Dc2 I gave birth at around 8-9pm and sent him happily on his way home at 10.30. After the first time I knew how much support I would need once home. Dc1 was around 3 at the time so we decided to divide and conquer, which worked extremely well in the first few days and couldn't have been done without sleep. The shell shock and general fear of failure was less with dc2 so I felt happy and confident to be taking care of her the majority of the time.

My mother stayed with me for the whole week I was in. She was my birth partner, and she wasn't itching to leave.

That's the thing Arfanarf I don't actually think I'd have wanted him there the whole time as the room was tiny and I know he'd have been tired and useless . Id just of liked him to want to stay like most of the dps on this thread would.

OP hope you and your baby are settled. I'm another who had DCs in the 1990's. Our DCs arrived early afternoon and late at night. DH had been supportive but tbh we were both tired and needed rest. The staff were asking how he was, had he eaten etc, he wasn't made to feel unwelcome but it didn't occur to us he should stay. And there was a hefty maternity wing car parking fee too!

Second time round he wanted to be home for DC1 and let my mum go back to hers. I was given a room to myself with DC2 which felt a bit isolated but it was fine and wasn't for long. Hospitals are busy and stuffy (as in overheated) and he felt like a fifth wheel the longer he waited, so he was better off elsewhere not in the way. He was back later.

He wasn't any less devoted a father or husband because he wasn't by my side 24/7.

I was in hospital for 7 weeks, first time and 8pm until 1pm the next day when dd was born. Both births with 10.30 at night so dh stayed until i was sent back to the ward, which on both occassions was early hours of the morning. First time DH had been in with me from 3am the night before so needed to get some sleep/ food etc. 2nd time he had just come home from a long day at work and had to take me straight to the hospital, so again very tired etc so needed to go home to bed. DS had spent the night at the childminders.

My opinion is that visitors should not be allowed on the ward after 8 or 9 at night. It is bad enough having to share a ward for months with strangers let alone their partners as well.

NO. DH would not have wanted to stay and he needed to sleep properly (it was bad enough having to deal with the ward noise and heat on my own with the baby without having to factor in another adult.
And I didn't want him to stay. I wanted to sleep and not be answering questions and feeling I had to explain myself to anyone (why is she crying? have you fed her enough? did she latch on properly? the answer to all of which was "I don't know - please let me figure it out in peace").

Thanks donkeys it was a few years ago now. I started thinking about again after seeing a friend and her new baby today. She said she couldn't keep her Dp out!!

My DP stayed but it was a private room, he didn't want to miss anything and it was our little adventure.. I was glad of the company too. But it was our first! For the next one he will be at home with toddler DS.

Dh stayed the first night last time. We were on a midwife led unit with all private rooms. He wasn't especially comfortable and ended up sleeping on a birthing couch! Since the bed I was on was covered in blood. Next night I was on post natal ward with no partners.
I'm supposed to be getting induced tomorrow so I guess it depends how long it is on for but I expect to be in at least overnight assuming I deliver tomorrow. He won't be able to stay so I hope I am in a better state than I was last time.

I was taken up to the ward at 10pm just after DD was born, DP was told he was not allowed to stay and had to leave straight away, I was really pissed off as DP wanted to spend some time with his new born daughter, and I was in a gown still pissing blood, DD was only in a towel and I couldnt bloody move as I had an epidural I was just stuck on the bed and couldn't even reach the fish tank she was in, I got really upset as there was no one to help, I couldn't even reach the buzzer. I would have loved for DP to stay, even if it was just for an hour to help me and DD get dressed and get a nappy on her.

When I had DC1 i stayed in 1 night and by 8pm i wanted my DH to go home so he could sleep, tidy the house, chat to his friends about his new baby etc etc. I had a lovely evening cuddling my new baby and reading rubbish magazines feeling very content. With DC2 & 3 I I only stayed in 6 hours but he went home to have a quick nap and tidy up in this time, I didn't mind was nice to cuddle baby and nap on my own and meant he was best prepared to look after us when we got home. I wouldn't have liked partners staying over but should probably add I have very quick easy labours so my views may be different if I had had complications or a section.

I had an emcs 12 days ago....Hubby stayed with me until we'd seen the babies (prem twins) at 1.30am, then went home when I was taken to the ward.

He reappeared at about 10.30am the next day, after I'd showered etc and we went up to NICU to be with the babies. The hospital allowed partners from about 11am to 8pm, but not overnight. Partners could stay longer on the delivery suite for obvious reasons.