Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off by this comment?

72 replies

toolonglurking · 27/04/2016 15:39

I had a baby three weeks ago, my first. MIL (who is staying for a week) has just shrieked ' My goodness girl, haven't you got an appetite! You better not weigh yourself for a while!' because I ate the last slice of banana loaf.
I want to tell her to fuck off, but realise I'm probably being touchy because I'm tired.
Do I need to just let it go, and if yes, then can someone please tell me how to?

OP posts:
Flossiesmummy · 27/04/2016 16:28

That's a disgusting thing to say. Having babies makes you hungry, especially if you're breastfeeding.

Ignore her

Tryingtostayyoung · 27/04/2016 16:32

Op this is the exact same bullshit that used to come out of my MIL mouth, just because she is quite content with living off of a liquid diet her entire life. It all stopped a couple of years ago when we ordered pizzas with all of DHs family, I was on my SECOND slice and she made the comment, aren't we just a little piggy, I snapped and turned around and said no wonder both your daughters have eating issues when they were raised by such a judgemental person who's probably just jealous because your to scared to eat more than a bowl of soup because heaven forbid we can't see your ribs.

GreenShadow · 27/04/2016 16:34

To me that just sounds like a joke, but then of course I didn't hear the tone in which it was said.

I certainly wouldn't take it to heart and even if it had been meant as a criticism would still have taken it as light-hearted banter. After all, being told you have a good appetite is hardly an insult

Londonlady2015 · 27/04/2016 16:41

I also had my baby 3 weeks ago and could have shares in Mcvities the amount of biscuits I'm consuming. Your MiL needs to stop judging and start being helpful.

Now I really fancy a slice of banana bread...mmmm

ShebaShimmyShake · 27/04/2016 16:41

Eat what you like and if the silly moo doesn't like it, eat her too.

Divathecat · 27/04/2016 16:43

My SIL told me that I must eat high fat food to produce milk, I had mastitis and my flow wasn't coming though and I was really struggling.

Apparently I wasn't allowed to eat chocolate cake though, I just left the room.

In your case I would said "Mil could you make yourself useful and go to the shops for me? clearly we need more cake".

ApocalypseSlough · 27/04/2016 16:44

Greenshadow
"After all, being told you have a good appetite is hardly an insult"
Are you a woman? Have you ever met a woman or watched TV or picked up a magazine?
'You've a good appetite' has been an insult since about 1955.

WindPowerRanger · 27/04/2016 16:45

It's my DM not my MIL who would say something like that. I once said to her 'Please don't speak to me about my weight, my diet, or my portions, ever' and to her credit, she hasn't. Well, not directly.

She keeps the subject front and centre by telling me about other people she knows who are overweight and how huge they are and what they can't do and they claim to be trying to lose weight but gosh, she eats SO much and drinks as well, I mean what do you think? You wouldn't eat as much as that, would you?, or how little she sees fit to eat (won't allow herself a full 150g yoghurt at lunch, far too indulgent), or something she read in the paper, or saw on telly, or noticed in the relative sizes of the grandchildren (the worst of all), or how 'filling' what we are eating is, and we had better not have second helpings, don't you think Oh! you do want more, is that a good idea?.

My sister tells me not to say anything, just change the subject, but I can't rein it in for much longer. I am, for the first time in my life, obese after a serious health crisis saw me comfort eating to deal with the stress of it all. My DM never tells me how well I've managed to get through it. She just talks about weight loss.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 27/04/2016 16:48

When my 2nd was 4 days old my mil told me that I haven't dropped the baby weight as quickly as I did with my 1st! I just said thanks and gave this face Hmm
Give me a chance woman!

diddl · 27/04/2016 16:54

When you say the last slice, had you eaten all the others as well?Grin

I think anyone would want to tell her to fuck off tbh.

"My goodness girl"-for that alone.

Maybe you ought to tell her to FO-followed by "oh, did I say that out loud?"

What's her offspring doing to make her stay as easy as possible for you?

Ashhead24 · 27/04/2016 16:55

My lovely grandmother bought me some gluten free biscuits after my DS was born as "You'll be watching your weight now that you've had him" and so couldn't have a any nicer biscuits. Didn't have the heart to tell her that the biscuits she brought weren't healthy. Or that I wasn't interested in watching my weight as I was breastfeeding and that made me absolutely ravenous. Think it must just have been a generational thing. I just smiled and thanked her.

Maybe try not to be pissed off but instead accept that everything that comes out of her mouth is vastly out of date. Or just tell her to fuck off. It's the only time you're ever going to have a real excuse.

lasttimeround · 27/04/2016 17:02

Fancy puffin I actually laughed out loud. I have to use that.

zzzzz · 27/04/2016 17:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fleab1te · 27/04/2016 17:09

Well firstly cake is a food group. Secondly, she's obviously pissed off because she wanted that last slice. YANBU

Cornettoninja · 27/04/2016 17:10

Look horrified and say 'you didn't have any of that did you? We made it with my powdered placenta, it's meant to help you regain your strength'.

Oysterbabe · 27/04/2016 17:11

You had a baby 3 weeks ago and MIL is staying for a WEEK?!?! I wouldn't have mine to stay for a week if I was in tip top form. The correct length of stay for visitors at that stage is 2 hours max.
Also, tell her to fuck off.

ThisWasCrownjewel · 27/04/2016 17:16

How. Very. Rude.

I'd be packing her bags and leaving them on the doorstep, then phoning a taxi for her and a massive takeaway for yourself.

Original poster
toolonglurking · 27/04/2016 17:17

Ha puffin that is brilliant! I wish I could go back in time. All I actually did was look at the floor and go red.
While it's true I am bigger than I'd like, I did lose 2 stone before I got pregnant so I'm not too worried about my weight, and I am breastfeeding too.
She's been here since Friday and I'm ready to keel over, she comes into our room at 3am when the baby is crying and takes him off me to burp him, it makes me feel quite inadequate. I know she's just trying to be helpful but God she just bulldozes in and takes over.
This has gone from being an aibu to just me whinging, sorry!

OP posts:
MyQuaterLifeCrisis · 27/04/2016 17:21

"My goodness, you've got to your ripe old age and have yet to learn manners?! Shocking."

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/04/2016 17:21

Oh no, OMFG no. She does NOT come into your room at 3am, WTAF??

RaspberryOverload · 27/04/2016 17:23

This would have been the best time to use that old MN staple:

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/04/2016 17:24

Sorry, posted too soon.
Knock that on the head immediately, who the FUCK does she think she is?!
No.
Just No.
Even if it was your actual mother, that would be a serious invasion of privacy.

My MIL stayed with us for 6w, 1w prior to Ds1 being born and 5w after. (I know, I'm a saint Wink) but she was actually helpful and mostly didn't overstep boundaries. I was still ready to throttle her for her comments re. "what a little pork chop" (no he fucking isn't) and "he's filled his duds" (nappy needs changing) plus proper CLAPPING him on the back, rather than patting (normal for Aussies, I've since discovered Hmm)
She wouldn't have DREAMT of coming anywhere near my room in the middle of the night unless I'd called out to her to help!

RaspberryOverload · 27/04/2016 17:25

I missed the update.

You need to stop her coming in and taking over.

It's NOT her baby and she needs to back off big time. But your DH needs to tell her, firmly, to stop.

Hawkmoth · 27/04/2016 17:27

You need to buy a bolt for your bedroom!

BaronessBomburst · 27/04/2016 17:28

Does a BF baby even need burping?
Just tell her to bring you tea and biscuits.
Then send her for seconds. Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread