Is DH being unreasonable in not helping out SIL?

[Lottieloves]

I'm really new to all this, please accept my apologies.....

The jiss of the story is.... My SIL (not really my SIL but never less the mother of my two darling nephew and niece) is in a lot of debt, she has entered herself into a volunary debt replayment plan and as far as I think she is getting on and paying her debt each month or though she has told me that it started off as 5 years to pay the debts but now it's been increased to 7 years.... Sorry if I'm waffling...... She has a full time job and juggles quite a few balls in the air..... She was using a car that he dad gave to her, quite a nice car, tax and insured with no cost to her. Her and her dad have had a major falling out and he now wants the car back..... It actually a motabliblty car so it's got to go back after the the 3 years anyway.... Because of all the problems with her credit record, I casually said that I would take out a loan for her so she could get a new car (she needs a reliable car to get to work, ferry the kids from b4 and after school club). The husband has gone mad, saying its her fault that she has got herself into so much debt and it's not our problem to sort out...... Me and the DH have a very strict attitude to debt (my own child hood was besieged by balliffs and debt collectors, my parents had a very poor attitude to debt) so I said I would never get myself into major debt..... I am a sahm and DH has a very high paid job....... But I just don't know what to do, she hasn't got any other family (my brother was her partner, but she very limited contact with him) I don't know how to help out???

Any advice?.

Thanks, I have read the thread. Her SIL has limited contact with her brother, for whatever reason. Her husband has a highly paid job but doesn't want to release his money for a loan.....and her SIL needs help right away. She's offered to help her- that is a supportive gesture which will make her feel a whole lot better, and a massive great deal when you're up the creek struggling , and I personally think her husband IS being unreasonable. The car doesn't have to be flashy for goodness sake. And just because she is a SAHM, at the moment doesn't mean that she cannot take it out on her SIL's behalf, and eventually pay her husband back if the SIL can't manage it. Maybe I've had more luck with my friends and family- we all help each other out when crap happens, and we're all in different situations, good and bad.

No she offered to get a loan for her. Not lend her the money.

The loan can't be in her name so she offered that her dh would get a loan.IE in debt.

You can't offer to get someone else a loan in yet another persons name.

It's family money. Which means both people get to make the decision.

How is getting the Sil into more debt even helpful?

And just because she is a SAHM, at the moment doesn't mean that she cannot take it out on her SIL's behalf, and eventually pay her husband back if the SIL can't manage it.

That make no sense. She is a SAHM at the moment and as far as we can tell reliant on her DH's income. So there would be two people who could not pay the DH back, both OP and SIL. OP was unreasonable to make any promises of what could be a large amount of their family money (which they might never see again) without consulting her DH, who as the sole breadwinner provides that family finance. He feels it too risky, he is put out at not being consulted about such a major proposal, and his feelings there are perfectly reasonable.

For years I was a SAHM and reliant on DH. It was through cost of childcare rather than by choice. It would never have occurred to me to take out a loan for anyone else under those circumstances, and I shudder to think how DH would have reacted if I had. He would have been furious, and justifiably so.

Also, Forza, OP is talking about taking out a bank loan, not loaning money that she and her DH already have. Your posts suggest that you haven't understood it that way.

Either way, the DH needed to have been in on the decision making, as the sole breadwinner. He would be the one making the loan repayments in the event of a default (high probability).

If you are talking about her loaning money to SIL from their savings then he should also have the right of veto, as should OP. A car is a major outlay and needs joint discussion.

She was using a car that he dad gave to her, quite a nice car, tax and insured with no cost to her. Her and her dad have had a major falling out and he now wants the car back..... It actually a motabliblty car so it's got to go back after the the 3 years anyway.

I'm old enough to have learned to "look before you leap" so will refrain from saying anything unless I am sure what I think I read is what I am reading.

Because if this is stating the misuse of a motability car, I will either be speechless, or have a lot to say with a lot of fruity language.

Oh, and if it is saying what I think it is, I would be very very careful assumming it's "insured". Having this week taken delivery of a motabilty car, I can confirm RSA are really cracking down on abuse.