To think there isn't enough aftercare after a miscarriage

[Justmeagain78]

Was reading a rather emotional letter in Psychologies magazine that a mum had written to the unborn baby she had miscarried. It brought it back a bit for me how I felt after my miscarriage - guilt that I'd done something wrong and was being punished, horror at the grossness of it all, utter terror at the thought of getting pregnant again, feeling sick every time I saw a mother and baby together. I know miscarriage is very common but I do feel now that I should have had more support. All I was given was a general leaflet about miscarriage, and told that within a month I should be able to conceive again! AIBU to feel angry about this now or should I have just got on with it?

Yadnbu. After a mc When discharged I was given 3 leaflets. No follow up calls, appointments or offers of support.

YANBU.

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

I did actually have good care after my m/c.

DH and I were taken to another room after the scan, where the doctor came to talk to us. It was a comfy room with sofas and tea and coffee type thing. My dr, diabetes dr, midwife and the nurse that would take my bloods all came in to see me and offer their sympathies.

We spend over an hour talking and discussing what had happened and how I'd like to proceed (natural or medical intervention).

My after care was actually going to be at a different hospital and they were contacted by my dr. The second hospital phoned me at home to talk to me and make sure I knew I could go in at any time, what to look out for and if I had any questions. They phoned a further two times to make sure I was okay.

Afterwards I was given another scan to make sure all was fine and numbers to contact if I had any worries.

There was no follow up from a mental health point of view but I can't fault the care I received during.

But I know that's not standard for others when it should be!

Osolea You're right, but miscarriage is very common and affects so many people, which is why I'm so surprised that there is no aftercare or support. And it's not just a traumatic event, it's also a medical problem so aftercare should be funded by the state.

I know of at least 5 women in RL who have gone through this - and those are just the ones who feel comfortable talking about it. There are probably more women I know who just don't mention it.

Sounds like they had more counselling and help when I had an abortion... I had a helpline I could ring any time to speak to a counsellor. Which was fantastic but miscarriages/stillbirths need the same if not more.

After I had a scan at the epau following bleeding at 12 weeks I was given a leaflet and told to go home and " let nature take it's course" but come back if th bleeding didn't stop after a few days ( wasn't actually bleeding at that point) I had to walk out past all the couples excitedly waving around their 20 weeks scans.
Booked straight into the Private hospital and received excellent treatment.
Absolutely no follow up from theNHS though.
Mind you reading some of these stories I think I didn't have it so bad
Sorry to everyone who has lost babies xx

While there is plenty of space for more support after miscarriage, you could say the same for all sorts of traumas that people regularly suffer. The state can't support everyone after anything that they find stressful and upsetting, and nor should it be expected to. I think it's fine for some things to be down to the third sector and the community as in friends/family to support.

Osolea

Not everyone has friends or family to offer the support they need.

As for Third Sector - surely then at the very least the "state" i.e. the hospital should be signposting these organisations. To walk out of a hospital without so much as a leaflet is ridiculous. To not have someone to tell a patient what is actually going to happen to their body, what level of pain to expect etc is ridiculous. Not everyone has the capacity to access this information for themselves, especially at a time of loss and grief.

Plus many of the complaints here have not necessarily been about services that would cost money, but about procedures and attitudes that harm the mental welfare of women experiencing miscarriage. These would cost almost nothing to remedy.

It is short sighted to say that the NHS can not afford to offer appropriate care and support. What happens to the women who are given very poor care, very poor information, who after a still birth are made to lie in a ward with a woman and her healthy newborn, or who after giving birth to her dead child at eight months that she should stop crying because she already has two children - often times they become ill. Personally, my miscarriage was amongst a perfect storm of shit that plunged me into anxiety and depression for about a year. I then accessed CBT and anti-depressants from the NHS for a year. I don't know that if my experience was different that it still wouldn't have happened anyway. But prevention is better than (and often cheaper than ) cure.

YANBU, I obtained most of the information about miscarriage and what to expect from Google. I found the attitudes of the various HCP to be very hit and miss, for example the phlebotomist shut the door when she saw I was in tears and told me her own miscarriage story. The doctor at the EPU on the other hand was very cold and wouldn't give me any time to ask questions when she phoned to confirm the miscarriage.

I do think that in general because it is so common you really are just expected to get on with things and not complain.

YANBU - 5 MC - never once did anyone suggest investigating

First one I was in hospital and had a D+C and everyone was lovely but I was discharged with a hug and a leaflet (badly photocopied)

The rest where at home and I agree - NOTHING like a period :(

Osolea You're right, but miscarriage is very common and affects so many people, which is why I'm so surprised that there is no aftercare or support.

You only realise how common certain things are when they happen close to home, but it being common doesn't mean it deserves more support IMO.

Of course the medical care should be of a good standard, as it should be for anyone who needs the services of a hospital, but I thought the OP was focussing on the after care once someone has left the hospital, not the way they are treated when they're still in it.

I think you have to make the distinction between medical care and after care and support. It may seem short sighted to not invest in services for every set of parents that has miscarried, but thankfully not every family is traumatised long term by miscarriage, and not every couple has a lack of family and friends, or a lack of ability to find services that could help them. So as with most things public sector, it comes down to money, it has to be weighed up - the benefits and savings versus the costs.

I'd love to see people who suffered miscarriage get all the support they need for free, but I say the same for people who have suffered other bereavements, who are traumatised after long illnesses or abuse, or who have any personal circumstances that could lead to depression really.

Where cost makes no difference, as detailed in some of the experiences here where it's just a case of hospital staff being more sensitive and professional, then of course people should receive the treatment and support they need.

Still birth was a bit different as i guess there is something to see and a full on labour to go through. I received excellent care when delivering my son and had a wonderful midwife. He was 27weeks and we knew he discovered he died at what should have been a routine scan.

I was told with mmc to let nature run its course and to go back in two weeks if nothing happened (baby had already been dead 3-4 weeks). They then prescribed me the medication to take at home with a leaflet saying its like a heavy period. I think the medication failed which is why i had all the other complications. After my second admission from haemoragging i had to stay in two nights whilst waiting for emergency erpc.

weebaby so glad you got your ds after that horrible experience.

Forgot to add,i did complain to pals. When we went to pick our sons post mortem results up the only place to take us was the same room they took us when we discovered a (non-life threatening / limiting) anomaly at the 20 week scan (but still life changing) and then again at 27week scan when it showed he had died. Which was in the scanning department where excited couples were sat waiting.

Pals were lovely got back to me next day and have arranged for another room to be used away from that deparment for any other couples that find themselves in similar circumstances.

I got talked to in the middle of a packed waiting room and the nurse suggested that it was my period (despite the numerous positive tests). Got a leaflet and got sent home. They phoned me the next day to tell me my bloods showed I wasn't pregnant anymore. That was it. It was awful. I went to talk to my GP and thank god she was lovely and willing to talk.

I would rather find help for mothers suffering with PND, as it can completely destroy their lives but the lives of their kids as well.

When I had miscarriages, I found the staff to be very friendly, they insisted for me to wait and talk with an adviser, who gave me a lot of information on who to contact if I needed it. In my own experience, the NHS was actually really good.

With PND, on the other hand, you are completely on your own.

Shark I'd hope it needn't be either/or.

As someone who has suffered both pregnancy loss and pnd I'd say they are equally under funded although mental health services are pretty dire at the best of times.

Tbh I don't think it would take much to improve mc aftercare, a seperate 'quiet room' in the hospital (although I refuse to use ours now I've been in there so many bloody times now). Compassion and understanding from staff, detailed and accurate information about what will happen and possibly an aftercare call to check.

I guess earlier mc is different. After loosing 2 babies in the second trimester I have had all of the above care (and more) plus a pathology meeting around 6-10 weeks after birth. It seems that a great deal of this isn't being applied to first trimester losses possibly? (I understand that pathology results etc are not always applicable)

20 odd years I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks after bleeding. I had a scan then went back for a D and C. I was disappointed but I wasn't grieving as the pregnancy had stopped being 'viable' weeks before. I don't and didn't feel like I lost a baby. Considering I was fine and had my DH with me I was touched by how kind the nurses and doctors were. I was given leaflets and the Doctor took time to tell me that I might feel upset later and that I should contact him if I needed.
It was perfectly handled...for me . I liked that they were quietly caring but matter of fact too.

Since I've been on Mumsnet I've come to realise that everyone deals with miscarriage differently and that for some people it's a very traumatic experience.

If i had had a erpc as soon as it was discovered or the following day i would have coped a lot better. If really should be an option.

I had counselling for ptsd after mmc. Not fr loosing a baby. I soon learnt the difference when my son was stillborn, but for the sheer trauma of it all. The waiting for it to happen. Horrible internals woth forceps (i barely felt the internals when delivering my son compared to that). Being told i was risking my life if i didnt undergo emergency treatment. It was my first pregnancy. I was naieve. Miscarraige never even crossed my mind, especially for it to happen that way.

Gingerbread, in some trusts it is. That's the problem, there's no consistency. We had a MMC diagnosed on the Thursday, they took us into a private waiting room, explained the options (I wanted an ERPC as I'd had two spontaneous miscarriages before), told me to be at my local hospital at 7am that Saturday as I was first

On the list, and it was carried out under general anaesthetic as a day case.

I'm pleased you were able to take that option. Hope it went well and the recovery was good.

My trust lead me to believe it was the last resort due to the risks involved.

My understanding was that it wasn't ideal repeatedly but it was an option as a first time (as it were).

I'm sorry you had such a horrendous time with your loss though. It goes to show that there are so many different ways of doing it which can leave individuals with very different outcomes in terms of their mental health.

I've had three miscarriages. They are shit. Each one was a blow but none as much as the first even though, looking back, it was the least viable. I truly think miscarriage should be in all the fecking pregnancy books and all the leaflets and the stupid bags of advertising rubbish and just TALKED about more. I don't think you should know anything about pregnancy in the early weeks without also knowing a bit about miscarriage. How much % risk of MC this week? What should you do if X or y? Etc. I would not have survived without mumsnet.

I couldn't fault the nurses in hospital (I was in for a week following my one and only miscarriage) but there was zero aftercare. I knew, at the age of 40 and having TTC for two years that it would be last pregnancy (I have a son) and that was what hurts most. I was right too, but no-one offered me and light at the end of that tunnel. I felt sad and angry whenever I heard of friends pregnancies. Still do now, but I hide it well.

Far too many really awful experiences here.

I do wonder if we'd do better to be more open about announcing pregnancy before 12 weeks. A baby shouldn't have to be kept secret, even if they are lost early. Of course people are completely entitled to their privacy, but I just can't think of any other loss or trauma that people keep private to this extent.

YANBU, when I miscarried I just got a leaflet on spontaneous abortion shoved in my hand & sent on my way. I was told that, "it," was substandard and nature's way of getting rid of, "it."
That was 19 years ago; I'd kind of hoped that things had improved since then.

I had to go to the OOH doc when I started spotting. While I was waiting I began to bleed more and more. There was a couple in with the doctor with their baby who had a temperature. The baby just had a bug but the parents were really worried first rime parents and took ages. I was getting increasingly alarmed at how much I was bleeding, how long they were taking and how thin the walls were.

By the time I was seen I was properly miscarrying and the doctor confirmed it. I never got any helpful information as to what would happen next. I asked about it and he said go for a scan. By the time I got one I'd stopped bleeding. They looked at me funny as I wasn't If I'd ha, didn't scan me, told me to poas, (negative) and sent me home. If I'd have known that's what they'd do I'd have stayed in, crying under a duvet.