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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding lack of presents for ds

55 replies

tevion · 26/04/2016 09:42

Hello
I don't want to appear petty here but I was would be grateful for your opinions.
We have a relative in our family who every time it comes to my ds's birthday or Christmas we cant get a present or money out of for my ds my sister tries my own mom has tried and he always fails to give anything.
We have a much younger child in the family that always gets and its usally something not cheap but then the mother of that child would tell him straight if he didn't give her child.
This relative is a bit tight with money but he isn't short at all.
He has two young children of his own and of course we always give his children for birthdays, Christmas etc I usually do as well but I am starting to think am I a mug also everyone else is saying don't give.
My ds is now 15 so not a young one hwoever he is at a age where any money given as a gift to him is very useful.
I have said to people its not his childrens fault and that I still fee I should give them something.
What do you think.

OP posts:
FuckSanta · 26/04/2016 10:25

dh has lots of nephews and nieces, i do my best to remember them all

Wifework?

Ameliablue · 26/04/2016 10:31

I would still give to his children but not press for anything for your DS.

Original poster
tevion · 26/04/2016 10:31

I have told my sister not to worry about it anymore.
What it is I think is that my ds has sometimes been a little forgotten in general in the family because of the age gap between him and other children in the family he is a different generation and eveyone has tried to ensure he doesn't get forgotten.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 26/04/2016 10:32

YABU. A lot of our relatives don't give birthday presents and we don't expect it. Well our children are in their 20s now but one of my brothers could never remember their birthdays and they were never bothered that he didn't give presents

Original poster
tevion · 26/04/2016 10:33

Some people think that his partner is more to blame as being the woman of the house she should take some responsibility but she just isn't the sort as long has she has her fags she is a happy sort of girl.

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 26/04/2016 10:36

Giving gifts to the children shouldn't be seen as reciprocating as that is about your relationship with nieces and nephews, nothing to do with the uncle.

Debsrocks · 26/04/2016 10:36

Ah here, that last comment is uncalled for - you are coming across as entitled, sexist and judgmental!

charlestonchaplin · 26/04/2016 10:39

Snigger.

Misnomer · 26/04/2016 10:44

YABU and I'm a bit Shock about your posts - about the entitlement to demand presents, whether directly or indirectly, and with the thing about it being the girlfriend's job to get the gifts.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 26/04/2016 10:47

Wow. Can't understand why they wouldn't rush out to buy your DS presents, esp after your last post. Hmm

Jemappelle · 26/04/2016 10:49

Cannot believe this. OP how more grabby can you be?!

Jemappelle · 26/04/2016 10:49

Cannot believe this. OP how more grabby can you be?!

funniestWins · 26/04/2016 10:55

Brilliant thread OP!

I assume you're joking? If you're sadly not then here's a grip for you! You shouldn't ask for presents and neither should your mother.

Using full stops will make your posts much easier to read.

starfish4 · 26/04/2016 11:03

I'm sure your disappointed for your son that he doesn't receive a present from this relative, especially as you give to his children. However, a gift is something you choose to give. Regarding their children, you either decide to give to them because you want to, or try hitting your relative where it hurts and not buy for his.

Just one thought, you don't think it's because they could be struggling a bit moneywise, you never know what's going on behind the scenes with other people's money.

Bambambini · 26/04/2016 11:07

Yes, you shouldn't be blaming his partner - it is his family. I think you've had a hard time though. It often isn't about the gift but that you feel your child is overlooked and not seen as important as other children in the family. If presents aren't his thing he could have discussed it with you and said lets just not bother giving each other's kids gifts. I have that kind of agreement with some and some friends - we might buy little gifts for each other.

It hurts, because basically he can't be arsed with your child but seems happy to accept your gifts to his children. As i said, it isn't always about the gift or money spent.

WeAllHaveWings · 26/04/2016 11:08

Its his decision whether he makes the effort to remember and/or give a birthday gift to his family.

It is extremely rude for anyone to ask for or expect gifts.

It is your decision if you give a gift to his children.

Everything else is irrelevant.

End of story.

Penfold007 · 26/04/2016 11:31

Some people think that his partner is more to blame as being the woman of the house she should take some responsibility Shock

MTPurse · 26/04/2016 11:48

You need to go NC immediately, how very dare they! Hmm

A woman not doing her woman jobs is just appalling!

MatildaTheCat · 26/04/2016 12:28

Blimey, it's a good job his partner hasn't done her job more thoroughly, OP, she would very likely have given your ds a nice ashtray or pack of fags. Grin

Seriously, forget it. They don't want to exchange gifts with your family so just drop gifts altogether. It's probably not personal.

Original poster
tevion · 26/04/2016 18:41

I have got to be honest I am finding mumsnett very much like this lately there is some awfully nasty horrible posts from people here I have come to expect it of late on here though from other posts I have read where the op has received nasty sarcastic abuse I did think as to whether I should even bother asking for opinions on here because of this sort of thing.
I can only say thank to those of you who have given me sensible advice without the need to insult me.
Oh well here we go again.

OP posts:
Original poster
tevion · 26/04/2016 18:43

honestly you cant post anything on here anymore without some vile nasty people rearing their heads.

OP posts:
Original poster
tevion · 26/04/2016 18:44

funniest here is your fullstop ................................

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 26/04/2016 18:47

FFS, greedy much?

Original poster
tevion · 26/04/2016 18:52

please don't post unless you can give constructive advice

OP posts:
weebarra · 26/04/2016 18:55

I think people are pointing out what while it is sad that your DS doesn't get presents, that's just how it is.
As for it being the woman's job, why should it be?