Teacher 'angry' with DS (5) today, re: him 'losing' stuff.

[ThunderButt]

DS 'lost' a brand new jumper two weeks ago. It was out of the packet in the morning, gone by afternoon. Named of course.

I was quite annoyed by this - would not have been bothered if it hadn't been brand new - so asked his teacher to keep an eye out. His school fleece then went missing off his peg a last week. I put a note in his home school book last week asking for his teacher to keep an eye out again but neither items showed up.

DS then forgot to bring his coat home on Friday (he goes to afterschool club off site on that day so I couldn't look for it at the school).

This morning I put another note in his home school book asking them to remind DS to find his coat as we were runnig out of them! and also to ask if they could put a note in the home school books (they do a general note weekly) asking parents to check their DC's name labels as I fear DS's jumper and fleece must have been taken home by mistake - although there were no unclaimed ones left in return . Not too unreasonable a request I thought.

DS came out this afternoon quite upset as his teacher was 'angry' at him for me putting a note in his home school book about it and telling him off in front of the class for 'losing' his things. Teacher did not acknowledge my note either.

Parents drop off and pick up at the gate and are not allowed in the classroom so a note in his home school book is the usual communication. I did apologise in the note for making extra work although it would just be an extra line in the general note.

Both the jumper and fleece (on his peg) went missing from his classroom so they were not 'lost' to my mind.

WIBU to tell the teacher that I do not appreciate her being angry at DS and it is not his fault if another kid picked up his stuff! He is not a PFB and I have been though the losing stuff with 3 older DC (still am at secondary) and I am done with it. He is 5 and I expect him to forget things but I also expect them not to disappear.

Am I supposed to just suck up the loss of a brand new jumper and a fleece jacket?

Ha bakeoff, I've also worked in YR and used to do this. Even then it was amazing the number of children that managed to lose stuff between the carpet and the door in the 10 minutes it took to say goodbye and hand them over to their responsible adult.

Its a kind of keyboard warrior thing but more cruel. You are not allowed to support your child by entering the classroom/cloakroom. You are not allowed to speak to the teacher but must send in notes. When you send in notes s/he deals with it in a way that upsets your child. You are not allowed to speak to the teacher. Round we go.

Write to the head explaining the 2 problems (lost property and communication) and ask for help and advice.

YANBU

I teach young children. I too check that each child has book bag, lunch box, coat, cardigan etc and do a final sweep of the cloakroom, returning any named things.

Things still get left, I can put thrm physically into the child's hand and they will still forget and leave them, or pick up the one of someone sitting next to them.

Parents collect at the door though and if they say something is missing they are welcome to come in and look. I will also keep an eye out, but I seriously don't have time for anything more than that. I suppose a line in the newsletter would be fine, it's not an unreasonable request (although would doubtless trigger many more).

How do you know the coat was not lost at after school club, or between the two?

Those saying 'but it was on his peg' seriously need to spend some time in schools, with particular reference to the cloakrooms. Half the children don't bother hanging it on their peg at all (yes I monitor this and remind them but there's only so much time in a morning), then throughout the day they will be taking things on and off for play times/lunchtimes etc, going back to the peg to put things in book bags or get PE kits. We do remind them and help them to put things back on the peg but it's an ongoing battle.

The teacher should not have been annoyed at the child or commented about the note (at a push I might say 'mummy says a few things have gone missing lately, we need to work on remembering all your things at hometime, or similar). I'd check what the teacher actually said, it can get rather distorted between school and home.

I'd make an appointment to go in, look for lost property and then mention what your DC said and that it concerned you so you just wanted to discuss it.

Or as your child comes out go coat, jumper, book bag, water bottle.. Check.
If they are missing anything send them back in.
I had to start doing this with my son.

30 kids in the class. The teacher doesn't have time to chase just yours round to make sure they've taken home everything they brought in. Nor do they have time to deal with increasingly passive aggressive notes in a planner.

My Ds at 5 came home in someone else's trousers.

If the school say that you are not to go into the classroom and only to communicate by notes then to get annoyed with a 5 year old because his dm is following the rules the school has set out then the teacher needs reminding about the school rules or you need to ask the HM, by note, what other alternative methods of communication the school will allow as the teacher seems to think the note method is unacceptable.

Please don't go to the head without making an appointment to speak to the teacher first. You really will look like a loon.

Having young grandchildren, I know well the irritation of stuff going missing in school!

Firstly, you put a note in his bag....so what else could you have done, if you're not allowed in the classroom!
Secondly, that teacher was WAY out of order, being angry with your child!
Thirdly, this is actually theft....the child takes home the wrong item, they are all name marked, so if your child brought home 'Johnny Jones' jumper by mistake, you make every effort to get it back to Mrs Jones, don't you?!

I'd ring the head, tell them you want a proper search made for the missing items, and inform them that you will not tolerate teachers upsetting your child for something which is not his fault!!

Thanks for the replies.

I am certainly aware that the teachers have better things to do other than look for DS's things. I have never actually asked her to psysically look, just keep an eye out that a jumper or fleece hanging around the classroom at the end of the day, may be DSs and named as such. I think they go round gathering up stuff like that anyway. I also asked her to remind DS to bring his coat home only, not go hunting around the school for it.

As his fleece and jumper are obviously not going to be returned (I have already looked in lost property), I asked for a note in home school books to prompt other parents to check guilt them into giving them back. Two things going completely missing in a short space of time is concerning to me but I was most annoyed that the teacher was cross with DS. I can imagine another DC picking them up by mistake and he would not think to challenge them.

We are not allowed in the classroom and when I discovered he'd lost them, his teacher told him to run back in the class and look on his own. I was not allowed to go with him .

He is in Yr 1 but one of the youngest in the class with an end of July bday. He has never lost anything before. He may forget to bring his jumper home on some days but always brings it back the next day.

I will catch his teacher this afternoon.

30 kids in the class. The teacher doesn't have time to chase just yours

Yes. They do.

Reception was the only year DS lost NOTHING. I volunteered at school and was around for a few going home times. All the children went and picked up their stuff from the cloakroom. Then the TA scooped up everything left in the cloakroom and the teacher held them up one at a time and said "whose is this?".

Then teacher did a quick scan of room to see if everyone had a jumper and a coat (if appropriate) then they were let out.

On a good day it took 2 mins, on a bad day 10 mins and the kids were a little late out.

OP, when you say "parents drop off and pick up at the gate and are not allowed into the classroom", do you mean that they are never allowed in the classroom at any time or that they are discouraged from coming in (a) just as the school day is about to start and (b) while the teacher is still dismissing the class? Because the latter seems reasonable to me and is my experience from working in schools for 14 years.

In which case, just go to the school office after the children have gone home and ask to go down and check the classroom and cloakroom for his missing clothes.

If it is the case that no parent is ever allowed in the classroom at any time, that is not something I've ever heard of and must make it difficult if you ever want to see your child's work at parents' evenings, for example.

OP, write his name on the outside of the item on the hem in black marker pen. We have to do this with items lent to children from the school secondhand stock, otherwise they would never be returned.

Yep Surburban. We are not allowed into the classroom at all unless invited to a class event. ALL parents leave the DC at the school gates. No one goes inside unless to the office.

We can approach the teachers at the gate when they bring the DC out in the PM (only a few teachers out front in the AM, never DSs) but we have to wait until all the DC have been handed to parents and then there is usually a queue!

I had an angry email from a parent whose son had "taken in his brand new pumps this morning that had disappeared by the afternoon and he had to wear his socks for the rest of the day" Parent was ranting about things being stolen and teachers not caring. Said they wanted the culprits found and the school to reimburse the cost of the pumps.

I walked 20m to the child's classroom. Looked at his named peg. Saw the top peg (for coats, at eye level) was empty, looked down to the bottom peg (for bags, at waist level) and there in a tesco carrier bag was the child's brand new unnamed pumps. Spoke to his teacher who pointed out that they had done indoor PE that afternoon and ALL the kids were barefooted.

I took great delight in replying to that email

I think it's dreadful that parents aren't allowed into the classroom, especially in YR.

DC's primary school used to have names on the outside of sports kit to stop people "borrowing" other's kit without their permission.

I think they then stopped that as kids with their name on the outside are easier for bad people to lie to and take away. "Hi BabyHiding, your mum is late and asked me to bring you home"

Senior school though has child's initials and house embroidered on the outside of sports kit, which works well but is a pita for handmedowns.

Maybe initials in big letters on the outside would work, so you can spot them as they leave school on another child. Are these uniform items or ones that could be made a little individual?

Either way, the school should either take some responsibility (for 5yos srsly) or allow you to do so. It doesn't seem like a good school from what you have told us. Are all their other policies so exluding to parents?

While I agree that it's not that great if the teacher got angry, if your child is in the last term of year 1, then presumably he knows by now that he needs to take everything home with him each night.

Please do check with the teacher exactly what was said to your DS. Did the teacher really get angry, or did she just remind him to remember his things, as he's forgotten them before? Maybe she was just a bit short with him, rather than angry.

Your school policy of no parents at all in the classroom does seem a bit odd these days. Our primary operates an 'open door' policy, which means that although children are collected from the playground gate, if you do need to pop in to see the teacher, or check for lost items, you can do so by asking at the office, who will then buzz you in if it's necessary.

Are you really sure the teacher was angry? They may well have said that your DS needs to look after his things more carefully and your son has decided that means his teacher was angry. I often tell children to be more careful and remind them that when they lose things, if they can't be found, Mum and Dad have to buy new ones and that can be expensive. I'm not angry when I say that. I also remind children to take their things home but I cannot physically make sure everyone has everything they brought at the end of the day.

Having named stuff go missing is an issue, as some parents cut out the name/label and keep the item. Best thing to do is to write the name using a laundry pen on the collar/waistband of a jumper/coat etc. which can't be cut out and then you don't have as many problems.

"Hi BabyHiding, your mum is late and asked me to bring you home"

This wouldn't happen in our school and I'm sure not in others. Children up to year 5 are handed over to their parent. No stranger would be allowed to approach a child waiting at the door to go home. And if they came to the office to deliver that message, patents would be phoned before the child was handed over to anyone not in the list for that child.

I feel sorry for both you and the teacher OP. What a ridiculous school rule that you aren't allowed in at the end of the day to check the cloakrooms yourself. Plus only being allowed to write notes- sometimes it's much easier to convey messages face to face.

I often have parents mention missing items (slightly older children admittedly), and always invite them in to have a look round the cloakroom. About 80% of the time things are found there, often on the wrong peg, on the floor etc. Parents are happy to quickly locate their childs items (and in the case of more individual items eg coats, lunch boxes, they are more likely to spot it far faster than me as they know exactly what it looks like). Plus I'm happy to be able to make a start on my mountain of marking rather than spend time searching for lost items.

Please do get in touch with the Head and explain your frustrations. Suggest parents being allowed in after school while the teacher is nearby to be able to look in cloakrooms etc. Hopefully they will see sense and agree to a more modern system.

How absolutely ridiculous not to allow parents into the classroom! No wonder the system doesn't work v well at your child's school.
I work in a (small) primary school and parents are welcomed in before and after school. I would seriously speak to the head and governors about this - it sounds like a totally unfriendly, old fashioned and cumbersome way of doing things.