Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Teacher 'angry' with DS (5) today, re: him 'losing' stuff.

72 replies

ThunderButt · 25/04/2016 23:46

DS 'lost' a brand new jumper two weeks ago. It was out of the packet in the morning, gone by afternoon. Named of course.

I was quite annoyed by this - would not have been bothered if it hadn't been brand new - so asked his teacher to keep an eye out. His school fleece then went missing off his peg a last week. I put a note in his home school book last week asking for his teacher to keep an eye out again but neither items showed up.

DS then forgot to bring his coat home on Friday (he goes to afterschool club off site on that day so I couldn't look for it at the school).

This morning I put another note in his home school book asking them to remind DS to find his coat as we were runnig out of them! and also to ask if they could put a note in the home school books (they do a general note weekly) asking parents to check their DC's name labels as I fear DS's jumper and fleece must have been taken home by mistake - although there were no unclaimed ones left in return . Not too unreasonable a request I thought.

DS came out this afternoon quite upset as his teacher was 'angry' at him for me putting a note in his home school book about it and telling him off in front of the class for 'losing' his things. Teacher did not acknowledge my note either.

Parents drop off and pick up at the gate and are not allowed in the classroom so a note in his home school book is the usual communication. I did apologise in the note for making extra work although it would just be an extra line in the general note.

Both the jumper and fleece (on his peg) went missing from his classroom so they were not 'lost' to my mind.

WIBU to tell the teacher that I do not appreciate her being angry at DS and it is not his fault if another kid picked up his stuff! He is not a PFB and I have been though the losing stuff with 3 older DC (still am at secondary) and I am done with it. He is 5 and I expect him to forget things but I also expect them not to disappear.

Am I supposed to just suck up the loss of a brand new jumper and a fleece jacket?

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/04/2016 07:21

Schools who do not allow parents into the school for collection are by default making either themselves or a bunch of 5yo's responsible for coats/jumpers things stored on pegs being returned.

I'm not sure many people would think that a 5yo can be consistently relied on to manage that in that type of setting

thisagain · 26/04/2016 07:22

Just as a comparison, my 5 year old is in reception (don't know if yours is). His teacher is really lovely and when they forget things, me smiles, goes out of his way to sort it out and says that they do need a lot of reminding at this age, and that they get there in the end. I'm 100% sure he would never tell my son off for this. I would be angry too if my son got told off, firstly I wouldn't want him to be told off for losing things - asked to try to remember etc but not told off at this age, and secondly not as a result of my note and without bothering to discuss with me.

Mistigri · 26/04/2016 07:26

In a classroom of 5 year olds, part of a teacher's job is making sure that the right child is matched with the right belongings (within reason of course).

I'd just go straight to the head, and ask permission to come in and have a look for your stuff.

The problem here is uniform - things will inevitably go missing in a classroom of identically-dressed 5 year olds who aren't yet old enough or responsible enough to check labels.

The answer is simply not to replace missing uniform items, and send your kids in whatever you have, the older the better - if it's not matching and not desirable then it won't go missing.

catsrus · 26/04/2016 07:27

I think some people did not read the OP properly. Thunder has stated that perents are not allowed in the classroom she is not being "lazy " communicating by note. This is school policy. She's can't just "check the classroom" or pegs herself. The school has set up a pretty daft system I think.

mmgirish · 26/04/2016 07:35

A child in my class told their mum I was angry and always shouting at her at the beginning of this school year. Her mother came in all guns blazing demanding to know why I was always shouting at her daughter. I brought her daughter in and she prompted admitted to making it up...

Why don't you ask the teacher if she was angry. Children don't always tell the truth.

DoItTooJulia · 26/04/2016 07:36

So you're not allowed into school? You have to communicate by note? You've labelled his clothes?

YANBU in the slightest! You've done things the way they want them done. If the teacher did get angry with your son, I'd be annoyed too-how else are you supposed to sort this out?

5 yo kids aren't the best at looking for jumpers and stuff, and you can't just keep supplying new jumpers and coats! So what are you supposed to do?

I think I'd ask to come into the classroom/cloakroom and have a look each time he came out without something he's supposed to-that way the teacher doesn't have to get angry with your ds, he/she can get angry with you instead and see where that gets you all!!

Ditsy4 · 26/04/2016 07:49

It is a very old fashioned system. I would go in. Ask first so the teacher is expecting you. We have parents coming in. I had one mum who was very cross ask to look around class for 8 yr olds jumper. I said feel free. There were six left and none of them had names on. I asked, " Is it named?" She had to admit it wasn't. Then I gave her all the left behinds even though I said, " Don't forget your things!" She then looked sheepish as she couldn't identify son's sweatshirt. However as your DC was named it will be easier. DC could have left it outside in which case it will likely be in Lost Property. We have four bins. They are all full at the moment and I can't believe how some DC can lose expensive jackets, shoes etc and parents don't bother. I found three Helly Hanson jackets in the bins one day! At the end of term/ year they go out then if unclaimed we take them to the charity shop nearby.
Please don't expect the teacher to write in 25 -30 books about your DC things. She won't have time. She is there to teach. Yes she could look around the classroom but otherwise she isn't really there to keep track of clothing. You could ask if you could send a short note out that you have written/ typed and photocopied /sliced that would be more reasonable.
I would try Lost Property first. Have you tried asking other mums at the gate?

shazzarooney99 · 26/04/2016 07:50

Teachers have a million and one jobs to do and you keep sending notes in? no wonder she is irratated.

Ditsy4 · 26/04/2016 07:52

She shouldn't have taken it out on your child. Maybe tired teacher but not professional.

MiaowTheCat · 26/04/2016 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 26/04/2016 08:01

The idea of the 5yo putting it on the wrong peg and then finding it's not on his peg, rendering it totally invisible is spot on IME.

DS was always losing things in this manner when he was 5. I'd look and it would be three pegs away having been tidied up by some helpful other person who didn't have the time or inclination to check name tags against pegs.

It's odd and annoying that you're not allowed into the classroom. I would ask if you can come in and look. Otherwise, another child is taking them home and another parent is keeping quiet about it.

HPsauciness · 26/04/2016 08:03

This is the school's fault, obviously if they don't want to get bothered with this stuff, they should allow the parents into the school, I've found things in liaison with the admin staff, the lost property box, or just looked with my own eyes.

It is the school who have set up this very parent unfriendly system, it's obvious that 5 year olds need adult supervision and management, including over possessions, and if they don't want their teachers to be responsible for this, they need to have a system in place for the lost/found/missing things to be searched.

Sometimes I wonder about the schools I hear about on MN, not letting parent in the building when the children are 4/5? Is it a prison? My dds current school has parents in at all stages up to Year 6 first thing, great opportunity to tell teacher about things going on at home, and just friendlier and makes a bridge between home and school. Honestly, some schools are really odd.

RidersOnTheStorm · 26/04/2016 08:05

I'm thinking it's more likely she was exasperated rather than angry. I would have been.

MyLocal · 26/04/2016 08:06

Personally I would go into the school invited or otherwise and look for the missing items. IME they will usually be found trampled on and in a corner under a bench. I would explain to said teacher why you were there and hen take the opportunity to discuss the procedure for lost kit. They could already have been picked up by the cleaners and put in lost property.

jellyfrizz · 26/04/2016 08:07

I accept losing stuff as a kind of collateral damage, especially when they are little. If the items are named, they will turn up again usually right after you've bought a replacement.

My son could literally be stood looking at something and not see it. It's not the teacher's fault and I'd rather a teacher spend their time teaching rather than looking for jumpers/coats/PE kit etc.
Saying that, the teacher should not have been 'angry' with your son but you need to speak to the teacher to check if this is what happened. Sending in another officious note is not going to help.

RufusTheReindeer · 26/04/2016 08:09

job

Stuff in the lost propertybox is usually un-named

HPsauciness · 26/04/2016 08:12

The OP isn't sending 'officious notes', that's the way the school prefer parents and teachers to communicate, by notes in the home book, rather than having conversations like normal people who need to sort something out.

Onlyicanclean10 · 26/04/2016 08:13

As a reception class TA most of my job included helping 4 year olds sort out their stuff, help change wet pants, wipe snotty noses and cuddle the upset.

That's the job. Is there a TA you can chat to op?

The teacher I worked with was lovely but 22 and couldn't really understand a mums anxiety and irritation in these circumstances.

MiaowTheCat · 26/04/2016 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishaps · 26/04/2016 08:23

This is crazy - and sadly probably reflects the stress that teachers are under.

I am thinking that there needs to be a conversation about school communication. At the primary where I am governor, parents are always popping in and out to chat to teachers and are not banished to the front gate.

bakeoffcake · 26/04/2016 08:28

I worked in a YR class and before the DC went home we checked that every single child had their folder, with work and letters etc, jumper, coat, water bottle and lunch box. At the start of the term this took about 30 minutes but by oct half term it took about 5 as it was drilled into the DC that they had to take all these things home. There were always DC who needed extra help and that was given to them.

The teacher is being very unreasonable. She needs to set up a system where these things are checked before they go home.

monkeymamma · 26/04/2016 08:29

What's all this 'teachers are too busy', 'teachers have a million other things to do' - er, so do parents. All jobs involve a quantity of different tasks. Tired of special pleading.
At 5 yo there's no way he will be able to manage without help. Part of teaching at this age involves self care etc not just reading and writing.
My ds (4) lost BOTH his coats at nursery last week. Found both yesterday after extensive searching and they were both on different pegs that are not his peg and both too high up for ds to reach (so there is no way he put them there). Both underneath four or five other coats. It would not have killed the staff to make sure the kids put their own coats on their own pegs and leave with them at the end of the day.

clarella · 26/04/2016 08:29

I think it's really nasty of the teacher to take it out on your son.

Nothing like shaming a child to help them enjoy education

He's only 5!

I'm a teacher and I'd make a brief plan of action with the parent. Or ask TA to. I'd also take notice of continued loosing things incase it linked to any other issues (eg people with dyslexia or dyspraxia can often be forgetful about items) - but then again, he's only 5!!!

monkeymamma · 26/04/2016 08:31

Bakeoff that sounds great, and is exactly the kind of thing I mean when I mention teaching self care.

HPsauciness · 26/04/2016 08:33

Only just to say my children have had some amazing TAs over the years, and they often do know a huge amount about the logistics of things but also what's going on emotionally- I've relied on TAs to pass on messages/deal with upset (rarely but they are often my first port of call rather than bothering the teacher when they are preparing for the day).

Flip

1 2 3