to not want relatives smoking around my baby

[Peterspan]

Due to go to family party round someone's house in a couple of weeks. Most of my relatives smoke (indoors) which usually I have no problem with. This time I am due to take four month old baby and feel uncomfortable with people smoking around her. Don't want to not go as it is a celebration for a milestone birthday and everyone looking forward to meeting baby. Am I being pfb?

In life or death situation, I'd save the baby. If precious parents wanted me to revolve my life around their kids for no life or death reason, I would politely point out that this is not how things work with real life grown ups.

No, of course yanbu. I honestly find it so hard to believe that smokers will still carry on smoking - yes even if it is their own home - around non-smokers. Especially children and extra especially babies! Have these relatives been living under a rock or something?

Maybe they think it's their freedom to behave as they please in their own home? By all means have rules at your own home but you cannot possibly start imposing them in other people's. By all means ask for a smoke free area but you can't presume everyone has your view about something which remains perfectly legal, however odd that may seem in light of the obvious health risks. One afternoon in a smoke free room is not going present a major health risk for her child. You are all acting like they intend to take a hatchet to the baby, and the melodrama skews the whole - and potentially sound - argument.

Of course they are absolutely free to do whatever they like in their own home! But should not be surprised if anyone doesn't want to bring their baby over.

No melodrama that I can see. Just a lot of people saying "no, I would not choose to do that".

Is it even physically possible to keep one room smoke free if people are smoking in the rest of the house, though?

How do you stop the fumes / stink coming in through the open door or on smokers' clothes? And given that none of the smokers are likely to realise what the place smells like, aren't the curtains / carpet / soft furnishings in the smoke free room all going to pong?

Have you actually spoken to them? They probably have every intention of stepping outside to smoke when the baby is there. It's a completely different situation to smoking alone indoors or at an adult only party. I dont know anyone who would smoke in front of a newborn.

Do you object to all houses which don't smell as you wish? Good lord, it gets worse. Health issues are one thing, but objecting to the smell is your issue and nothing to do with child health.

Well, if it were me I certainly wouldn't take the baby. Could you maybe ask a friend or a relative who won't be at the party to watch them for an hour whilst you show your face?

I wouldn't go, not a chance in hell.

Tbh even without a baby I wouldn't go. Can't even remember the last time I was in a room while someone smoked actually.

But by that token, hubby, you're saying it's u to object to houses that stink of sewage or vomit.

Genuinely astonished that anyone thinks it would be unreasonable for a parent to prevent a young baby from being exposed to second hand smoke. The dangers are well documented, eg this info from the NHS: www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2289.aspx

There is no way I'd take my baby to a place where people were smoking. If relatives want to meet the baby then it's hardly a massive hardship for them to do so in a smoke free environment. Definitely not unreasonable OP!

No way would I even consider going. Presumably given they all smoke, the place probably will stink anyway. Smoke lingers and clings to everything, it's disgusting. Milestone birthday or not, I wouldn't risk my baby's health by bringing them to that type of environment.

My PIL smoke in the house A LOT and I was really anxious when we first visited with our new baby. I am pretty lax about most things generally.

I also don't have a great relationship with them so saying something was out. Husband had laid some groundwork when I was pregnant but...

As they don't live very close and visits are rare (and normally at his sisters house which she won't let them smoke in, location due to size now) I made the choice to not make a fuss and just let it go.

I was quite shocked to see both Mum and Dad went outside for cigarettes whilst we were there - without being asked to - and his dad is extremely lazy so quite a big deal.

I also was very on the ball at suggesting cuddles with them after a fair amount of time since last ciggy had been had - in a subtle manner though!

Do you object to all houses which don't smell as you wish? Good lord, it gets worse. Health issues are one thing, but objecting to the smell is your issue and nothing to do with child health.

Well, yes. Why would I want to spend hours in somewhere that smells nasty if I could avoid it? I'm not stopping the house-owners from making it smelly if that's what they want, but that doesn't mean I have to go there.

Nope I've never taken the DCs anywhere there's going to be smoke unless I've known there's an alternative place/room for them to be. DS1's Great Grandma on his Dad's side always smoked in her house and often asked me to pop in with DS1. I only visited on days with good weather so we could take her out for a walk with DS1 in his sling so he wasn't exposed to smoke.

I don't think it's pfb or BU at all. I hate the thought of children smelling of smoke, even more the thought of them inhaling it.

the melodrama skews the whole - and potentially sound - argument

Seems like you're the only one getting at all melodramatic here.

I wouldn't go.

"Can't even remember the last time I was in a room while someone smoked actually."

Same here. I have just one cousin who smokes and one niece who smokes. Neither of them smoke indoors. All the rest of my friends and family are non smokers. I have even started going to the pub again, now that they are smoke free.

Why should mum and baby leave the room with baby when someone decides to smoke in there?? Because it is their house, their normal and mum is free to make that choice if she wats to.

I wouldn't take a baby into a smokers house on a regular basis these dys, but, rmembering what it was like when I was a kid, I don't think it would be overly dangerous... gross yes, as it will most definitely smell.

Maybe there is a compromise to be reached... if everyone just discusses it rather than being all angsty and silent about it!

I wouldnt take my baby into a house with someone smoking in another room.

It still travels all over the house.

When my step dad was a smoker he used to smoke outside with the door shut. When he came in and wanted to hold dd i used to make him wash his hands, change his top and brush his teeth!

He did it otherwise he didnt get to hold dd. Simple.

Smokers stink and no way would i want that smell on my baby or child.

bloodymaria - if you're going to accuse me of melodrama you might want to revisit your quotation.

I have made it clear to every relative/grind in no uncertain terms that if I find even a single smoker around them, I would kick them out of the room physically. It meant I ended up Looking like a maniac for the first few gatherings as I had to shout/fight. But it was so worth it. No one dares anymore.

Friend * . Awful phone