To not work, because I haven't got the confidence?

[Sunnydayinapril]

Not a benefits related post, as I don't claim them.

But - should you work, if you can?

Is it a bad example to set to children, if you don't?

Or is it acceptable?

And agree with ThenLater, I have no confidence, but I managed to get a job, and apparently be very good at it (even though I don't feel it), and then a better job, and another better job.

Still have no confidence, but can rationalise that I must be OK at it, even if I don't feel like I am.

Lots of people are in the same position as you OP and have to work.

So if you want to work, then do.

If you don't, and you don't need to financially, then it's not an issue.

I think that it is worth trying to work in order to get on the pension ladder, and to have some security if something happens to your partner. However, clearly something has happened to drain your confidence away and IME it is a good time, once the children go to school to explore what might help you to feel more confident about yourself.

My advice would be not to look too far ahead - you may not feel able to work now - but you may need to give yourself a nudge to get a little involved with your local community in some small way, and then it will, in time lead on to other friendships, or having the confidence to help out when needed with other things.

I do understand - I had massive problems with confidence. I did, however, feel that I could help out with the class reading when my ds started school - 4 year olds, one at a time, were OK for me - and then got involved in helping to serve the refreshments at a school event. Small steps led from one thing to another - volunteering for regular events, then helping with the organisation of events with a local church then into a part time job.

HTH

Do you have a partner who has to get up and go to work each day, and has responsibilities other than the home and family?

As others have said, try volunteering.

This is a great message for your children by showing them that it OK to try something new, to demonstrate time-keeping, punctuality and (smart) appearance.

Also, if you don't like it you can just stop, if the children are ill you wont let anyone down by not going in, and most importantly - you can take a break during school holidays.

If you don't 'have' to work at the moment consider what are the circumstances that allow that to happen and how would you manage if that changed. If you are relying on a partner's wage - what if your relationship broke up, what if he was too ill to work? You may be forced to find work and quickly. Surely better to take small steps now (volunteer, learn a new skill) than be thrown in at the deep end when needs must.

Yeah my concern would be that if, God forbid, something happened that meant you needed a job - you'd have the confidence issue to fight as well as the lifestyle changes and pressures of now needing a job.

I don't think confidence is a good enough reason not to have one. Lots of people are faking it until they make it.

Yeah I was going to say op, I have days where I wonder why anybody employs me at all, given I'm so useless but you push on until you have a better day and I remember that none of my colleagues are perfect either, whatever their cvs day, although as I said, I wonder if by confidence you really mean treatable level anxiety issues