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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think life with young kids is just about survival and getting through the day (and night)

50 replies

midlifehope · 22/04/2016 22:28

I have 2 dcs - ds1 is 4 and ds2 is 6 months. Most days I drift through in a haze - achieving not much more than a bit of housework and getting some food on the table. There is a child friendly event on tomorrow that would involve a 1 1/2 hour train journey. I don't even know if I can summon up the energy though I really want to go. Currently living off my nerves and feel anxiety if I stray too far from home...... AIBU? Is this normal?

OP posts:

livvylongpants · 22/04/2016 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shins · 22/04/2016 22:35

Yes. I hardly remember anything from about 2007-2011, a time we shudderingly refer to as The Hurt Locker (two non-sleepers, one a very highly strung baby who cried all the time). It passes, truly. Lower your expectations, make sure you keep the bare minimum of contact with friends and family even if it's more phone calls and coffees than nights out, be kind to yourself and keep going. I promise it gets easier!

ChablisTyrant · 22/04/2016 22:36

Completely normal. People forget how hard it is. If it is any consolation, our youngest is now 2 and life is much easier. He plays with the others and doesn't need to be watch 24/7.

pearlylum · 22/04/2016 22:50

Do you get enough sleep?

To me that was the most crucial aspect to getting though. I had a 6 month old and a 2 year old, OH often away on business, and no family support.
I would tumble into bed with the kids at 7pm and we would sleep for hours together like a pile of puppies.

idontlikealdi · 22/04/2016 22:53

Yea. I have twins and it's totally survival. They're 4 now and I look back and wish I had more of the 'hallmark' moments but it was basically survival, and still is most of the time.

gandalf456 · 22/04/2016 22:53

It was for me. Mine are now 7 and 11. Apart from pre teen tantrums and drama, it's generally fine

Noggie · 22/04/2016 23:15

My DH used to say of us 'we are surviving rather than thriving' and I agreed! It's taken me 5 years to recover from the first 5 years of parenthood! It does get easier - hang on in there and try and look after yourself in amongst the chaos of nappies, feeds, naps, tantrums, sickness etc! X

KatyN · 22/04/2016 23:15

I have. 4 year old and a 4 month old. Yep, just getting through until the little one is more fun! I have one day a week when I have them both (nursery and dh on the others) and that day I achieve nothing except feeding them!!
Hopefully the little one will start sleeping better soon and then I can do more than drudgery.
Hang in there, kx

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 22/04/2016 23:18

Yes! Up at crack of dawn to spend the entire day trying to tire them out so they'll go to sleep at a reasonable time then groundhog day the next day and the next and the next...

I'm sure there were some lovely days mixed in - mainly when DH or my mum were there to share the joy but I was mighty relieved when my youngest started nursery!

It's a good thing they are so cute when they are asleep!

Mousefinkle · 23/04/2016 01:40

Yeah, this is me although it's a lot easier with the eldest two now in school. I don't really remember much about my last pregnancy or the period of time where I had three under three. It was tough, I did what I did to survive the day. A lot of the time I didn't leave the house, it was just too much damn effort. Still feel it some days with the school runs and bickering between them but it's still easier than the sleep deprivation, daily nappy wash, breastfeeding and finding leaving the house the hardest thing on earth.

Sunshineandwaves · 23/04/2016 01:47

It has made me feel better to read this!
I have three under 5 and my days feel like survival. Life feels very chaotic and the constant exhaustion is waring. I agree with the previous posters who said sleep is the key. Last night in went to bed at 8pm. It took the edge off the night wakes with my younger two and I feel better today for it. Good luck op. You're not alone!

LucyBabs · 23/04/2016 02:40

Jesus sun 3 under 5?! Medal and gold star for you

I have two dc 3 years apart and i struggled big time.
They're 7 and 4 now and I'm still trying to regain normality!

greenflame · 23/04/2016 07:23

Yes, just survival here too. Mine are now 4.5 and 1.5 and it is so much easier than it was a year ago - the sun has come out again and I feel close to normal. Don't get me wrong it's still mad and dc2 is still a bit high maintenance but Christ the drudgery and loneliness of the small baby months are something else. Maybe especially if you're breastfeeding.
Just do what you can OP. Many people do forget how hard it is once the madness has passed a bit.

TheEagle · 23/04/2016 07:31

Yes, I have 1 year old twins who have decided to give up on sleep since I went back to work, and a 2.5 year old.

The days are a blur to be honest and I sometimes feel terrible guilt that I am wishing time away.

It's the weird jangly feeling you get from sleep deprivation that bothers me the most

One day I will sleep again ... Maybe ...

KingscoteStaff · 23/04/2016 07:36

My mum told me to check 'All fed, no one dead'... and to regard anything else as a bonus!!

TheEagle · 23/04/2016 07:37

We have that motto too kingscote !

JennyOnAPlate · 23/04/2016 07:55

Oh yes op. It can still be like that for me sometimes now and mine are 6 and 8!

Most of 2008-2012 is a complete blank to be honest

donajimena · 23/04/2016 08:00

Oh God yes! Mine are 12 and 10 now both with SN and even with that little challenge its a bloody doddle (aside from the strops)
I hated the early years. I used to go to supermarkets a lot to break the day up in the winter.

Nofuss · 23/04/2016 08:03

It's the same in this house with 4 under 6... It's a bit of a madhouse here most of the time and I feel like I'm running to stand still all of the time :) That said, they are all happy and healthy and are great at entertaining each other (when they want to!). I like having a busy house but a few hours more sleep wouldn't go astray...

paddypants13 · 25/04/2016 20:11

3 and nine months here. Sometimes I feel we just wipe bums and make food, which mostly ends up in the bin! Oh and try to stop DD3 accidentally killing DS9months.

I love them though. x

caffeine99 · 25/04/2016 20:31

My two are 2.5 and 8 months. I definitely agree.

Particularly today when I seem to be struck down with food poisoning. Thankfully my husband is doing a good job of picking up the slack
Today.

I will say that my days are easier if I can make it out of the house. Letting the toddler run about outside for an hour or two burns off some energy and generally makes my day seem a bit easier. When we're all cooped up inside all day it's tough.

I should also point out that were usually never dressed before 10am. And that some days I just stay in my PJs all day.

My house looks like a bomb exploded inside but we're surviving. Just. I look forward to this magical time when we can maybe start thriving again

Hygellig · 25/04/2016 21:25

Yes, I feel like life with young children is mostly about getting through the day in one piece. Entertaining them, feeding them and meeting their basic needs takes up pretty much all my physical and mental energy. Things have got a bit easier for me now the youngest is three. However, the school holidays can still be hard work especially if they want to go in different directions when out and about.

I've never attempted a 1.5-hour train journey on my own. I don't think I'd be brave enough for another couple of years.

belleandsnowwhite · 25/04/2016 21:31

Yes! yes! yes! I have a 3 year old and 15mo . youngest screams if I dare to even go to the toilet by myself and 3 year old is constantly "mummy, mummy, mummy" or screaming at her sibling.

madmomma · 25/04/2016 21:33

Yep. 14m between my youngest two, and whilst they're adorable, every day is a battle to win and a mountain to climb. Much less so now that they're growing up a bit, but God the first couple of years... just relentless.

ASAS · 25/04/2016 21:39

I was coming on here to post that the days are long but the years are short (sob) but read all fed no one dead and realised you can't beat that.

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