to think life with young kids is just about survival and getting through the day (and night)

[midlifehope]

I have 2 dcs - ds1 is 4 and ds2 is 6 months. Most days I drift through in a haze - achieving not much more than a bit of housework and getting some food on the table. There is a child friendly event on tomorrow that would involve a 1 1/2 hour train journey. I don't even know if I can summon up the energy though I really want to go. Currently living off my nerves and feel anxiety if I stray too far from home...... AIBU? Is this normal?

I have five year old DS and 9 month twins, most days if I do the school run and and the house work I'm doing well, some days it's a struggle but you have to take the opportunity to get out as much as possible otherwise you will go crazy. Drag yourself to said event, you'll feel better once you are out!

I have five year old DS and 9 month twins, most days if I do the school run and and the house work I'm doing well, some days it's a struggle but you have to take the opportunity to get out as much as possible otherwise you will go crazy. Drag yourself to said event, you'll feel better once you are out!

Yep! I only have one DS toddler but some days/weeks it most definitely is just about survival. Not having a clue what I've achieved is a regular thing. To have gone out to a 'thing', got there on time, no major dramas, and back in time for food/sleep/before tantrum etc is a major achievement that happens so infrequently I'll probably need to call DH to tell him how proud of myself I am.

I hear of mum's at Toddler groups who seem to find it all effortless and go to several groups/ play dates/ mummy coffee dates a day withough breaking sweat and still providing 3 fresh home cooked meals a day and get their LOs to bed on time without tears. Oh and theyve not drunk wine (or gin) since getting pregnant. They're lying.

To even contemplate taking a 1.5hr train journey on your own with two kids is very admirable. If they would be equally happy going to the local park and having an ice cream after then is it really worth the hassle? If you think they'd really appreciate the effort then go for it X

Yes, oh yes! I felt like that for the entire year of mat leave when DDs were 0 and 2. The 2 y ol didn't nap, talked constantly and wanted to go out all the time and baby was sicky and not a good sleeper. The days were so long and often involved tears!

Things got better when they turned 1 and 3 (and I went back to work!), and better again now they are 2 and 4 and do everything together. I'm just looking forward to that point when I don't have to watch them all the time, but at least they play together and I don't have to take them out constantly.

I would not contemplate a long train journey on my own with two tiny kids - there must be something to do nearer home than that!

You do housework and get food on the table? Then you're doing ruddy well.

I agree about the getting out. 2 under 2 here and we get out (almost) every day and it keeps me (pretty much) sane, but I'm filled with fear of some things, like anything involving a more than 30 min car journey. I attempt it sporadically and this is how it goes:

DC1 will vomit after 25 mins in car. I clean up as best I can with baby wipes and change clothes.

I spend the time at activity feeling uncomfortable with DC2 stuck to boob. Smell of vomit seems to be everywhere.

On return journey DD1 will fall asleep but wake as soon as we stop and refuse afternoon nap as she thinks she's slept, but she's only really micronapped so is overtired and unhappy until bedtime.

I wash car seat covers and wonder why I did it.

I love them dearly and have moments every day where I feel like the luckiest person alive. But a lot of it is trying to survive.

Hang on in there folks! It gets better.

Our twins are now 8yo and we are definitely thriving. Even with both of us working full time, life is much, much easier than in the early days.

Our DC are lovely, funny little people. We have a lot of fun with them and family life is a pleasure.

My relationship with my DH has also emerged from the fog of the early years and we are stronger for having survived it.

You'll get there.

Yep def feel like that, mine are 5,,9 and 12 and oldest at secondary which is miles away, new routine since sept where have to get up at half 5, them up at 6 and leave house for school run at 7, is very hard and late evenings too by the time I've picked them all up and got home. Oldest just had 3 weeks off for Easter, which was bliss in the sense of not having the school run but by Jove last week nearly finished me off-especially being 3wks more heavily pregnant than before Easter hols!! Thankfully baby will be born just before he breaks for 9wk summer hols so won't have to do school run until baby is few months old! ( and hopefully sleeping through!!)
I try to be organised of an evening but it's hard when I'm tired from pregnancy and partner tired from long shift at work all day, washing tubs still full of clean washing that hasn't made it into drawers yet which we then rummage through for clothes of a morning, but could be worse...all alive and just about keeping heads above water!

2 under 2 here too and the baby has reflux so it's very much about survival. It's full-on all the time.

My days are very boring. Tonight when we were bathing them I said to DH "I think I'll need to buy toilet roll this week" and for a second I felt like that was a genuinely interesting thing to say until I heard myself and realised what my life had become!

4yo and 18months here and we also subscribe to the all fed, noone dead school of thought. It is all about survival which is just bonkers and never how I thought it would be. Between the kids, the house and work, sometimes I feel like I'm going off kilter as I'm pulled in so many different directions. Roll on easy times!

My memories of those times are fading now that my youngest is 4. But in those grim, survival days when getting us all out of pyjamas and doing some washing up were a major achievements, I too was in the "all fed, no-one dead" camp.

Be easy on yourself and know that it does get better!

Totally agree OP. I always used that word - survival. It does get a bit easier when they are over five (mine are 8 and 6 now). Hang in there!

With a just turned one year old and a nearly three year old I'm just emerging from this so totally know what you mean. Just as my baby started to sleep through my toddler decided our bed was the place to be which has meant we very very rarely get an undisturbed night. It's very hard, especially when you're back at work.

Yes! You described my life exactly until they both started school. Then suddenly everything was rainbows and sunshine. More or less.

Yep you just get through each day as best you can. It was all a haze of exhaustion, migraines, tantrums, poo, vomit, tummy bugs, teething, cold coffee and feeling resentment towards Dh (now exh) because he could escape to work most days.

My twins are now 4 and at kindergarten, thank Christ. When I go and pick them up I still have to psych myself for the hurricane that hits me as soon as I walk through the door, but it used to be worse. The first 4 months were a sleep-deprived horror, then from about 6 months to 2 and a half there was that period when you could easily spend like 45 minutes solid dealing with overlapping upsets, just pinned to the hall floor cuddling one crying baby after another.
TBH even now I wouldn't consider a 1.5h train journey with them. The longest we've ever done was a 1.5h flight, but that was only because we were emigrating!

Currently living off my nerves and feel anxiety if I stray too far from home...... AIBU? Is this normal?

No, that part isn't normal.

Yeah I have a 4yo and a 2yo and it's hellish. 4yo is non verbal and sometimes the constant, repetitive humming/squeaking makes me want to lock myself in the toilet for 5 minutes just to get silence. The 2yo is a full on, climbing, racing, bin raiding whirlwind of energy with stripping tendencies. I had hoped to get some housework done today whilst 4yo is at preschool but DS2 is not having any of it. I'm just going with the flow and have stuck on a dvd and we're playing with imaginext. Ill catch up on housework when DP gets home.

Don't laugh - I've only got 1 10 months and I feel like you OP. Getting out with her makes me appreciate her more as it's seeing her in the context of the wider world and through other people's eyes and not just us trapped in a house, going stir crazy, weighed down by all the 'have to's'. Major kudos to everyone with more than one young child, especially who do it mostly on their own!

I feel like this quite often but when I was clearing my phone photos I realised how much fun we have that I forget about in the daily grind which feels like surviving.
Enjoy the victories, however small they might be!

I have a 4 month old & 4 year old too. We're not even dressed yet. The baby is really difficult & screams the whole time if not held. I feel like I have fails my just turned 4 year as She still doesn't seem to know her alphabet reliably & I don't get much time to spend 'teaching' her. Just getting out is a mornings work on some days.

We've even failed the "all fed, no one dead" challenge today- it's only 11 o clock & we have lost one of the fish.

This is exactly how I feel. Exactly. I have an 8, 4 and 2 year old and some days I feel like I don't "enjoy" my children. I have definitely not enjoyed the younger two growing up as there's only 22m between them. I used to enjoy dressing my dc1 and buying cool trendy clothes and now I cba to do that. I don't have time to feel "blessed" or admire my "perfect little family"(!) It's a rat race. We get through the day and they all end up asleep with a belly full of food and happy. So that's all that matters right now! I can't wait for them all to be in school. I really hate the toddler and very small child stage.

Yes yes yes. It is like groundhog day. DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 10 months, I am just starting to see a pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel. We watch far too much Disney and I eat far too much chocolate and some every days I just want to lie down in a quiet dark room by myself with no noise and no-one touching me or climbing on me or pulling at my clothes or pinching my boobs and no-one whining "But whyyyyyyyy???" to everything I say (that is, if what I say isn't ignored).

i have twins that are 10, ive had a few years working part time where it was easier but now im back to full time i still find balancing all the kids clubs, homework and housework a struggle! i need to improve my routine i think.