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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I too strict ?

40 replies

DreamCloud99 · 22/04/2016 17:56

A few things have made me wonder if I'm too strict with my DC.

Twins are 4years old and also had my 6 year old niece with me today .

I took them to their swimming lesson . The changing area is open plan with the pool just beyond a door .

Noise travels and it's often hard to hear yourself think due to noise from the lesson and the children in the changing room .

Anyway in the waiting area , my twins and niece were goofing around - nothing major , they weren't being naughty as such but I did keep checking them - no running , keep the noise down , no spinning on the chairs etc.

They tend to get to the point of no return with regards to silliness - refusing to listen and the noise getting louder etc, so I tried to keep it in check before it got to that point .

I was getting strange / off looks from the other mums - their kids were being noisy , running etc and I thought maybe I was being unfair ?

After the lesson, my DC wanted to run on the lawn . This lawn is a small private lawn in the pool grounds which is clearly maintained for decoration - there's no path on or off the lawn and I assumed it's not for playing on . (The area is not created for children - it's next to an elderly home)

I told them they couldn't run on the lawn as it's private land and we kept on walking .

Two minutes later - we see all the DC chasing each other around the lawn .

Also, I never let my twins disturb my niece during her lesson and vice versa - but the other children were walking around the edge of the pool, shouting to each other etc whilst their siblings were in their lesson. The parents weren't bothered , but the teacher looked a bit fed up of it .

I never let my children run in restaurants . I expect them to behave sensibly and keep the noise to a minimum in places other than the park or big outdoor areas.

In the garden , I expect them to be louder but if it gets too much or is persistent , I remind them we have neighbours etc .

Friends think it's just children being children.

AIBU?

OP posts:
witsender · 22/04/2016 18:01

A combination. You don't sound very strict, they don't sound very lax. This post does come across more like a call for affirmation that you are right and they are negligent though...

PPie10 · 22/04/2016 18:02

Sounds like you know perfectly well that you are doing fine but acting all confused about whether you are strict.

Msrichardofyork · 22/04/2016 18:02

I'm the same as you. Absolutely hate children being allowed to run riot with no one keeping the crazy in check. Very entitled. Drives me especially mad in cafes and restaurants, when they're disturbing other tables or nearly tripping up the staff with hot food and drinks.

I think garden is ok though, provided not too early or late.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 22/04/2016 18:02

No, you're not.

I opened this thread ready to tell you to chill but you sound like me.

DS always wondered why on the way to school he wasn't allowed to climb up some poorly maintained steps and run along people's front gardens (they were raised about a metre from the pavement) like the other children. I used to tell him that it was private land.

Original poster
DreamCloud99 · 22/04/2016 18:03

No it's not for affirmation of right or wrong - I am wondering if I am too strict .

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 22/04/2016 18:03

I don't think YABU. You have given them warnings before hand. Definitely NBU re the lawn. You instructed them not to do something and gave them a reason why, but they disobeyed you anyway. Not acceptable.

WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 18:04

Oh dear, this thread does read a lot like "I'm a great parent, please pat me on the back".

Either way, I'm absolutely sure that after 4 years of being a parent, you know you're not being unreasonable and that everyone parents differently.

firawla · 22/04/2016 18:06

No yanbu. If you know they're likely to escalate you have to keep a lid on the borderline behaviour before they all get over excited, especially when you have a few together - I'm the same. I'm surprised teachers would allow other kids to walk around the pool side in lessons! Ours can't do that they have to wait in the separate viewing area. Maybe people give strange looks if they take you telling your dc as a slight on theirs being allowed to run and shout etc but I would just ignore and stick with your own standards that you're happy with

Original poster
DreamCloud99 · 22/04/2016 18:08

It's not a "pat on the back " thread Hmm

I have no issue with the other parents at all .

I always assess my parenting as I often feel I get it wrong - even after 4 years !

OP posts:
NickyEds · 22/04/2016 18:08

Ha, I agree with pp, it does read a bit like "my children behave beautifully and all the others are feral, AIBU?"!

RiverTam · 22/04/2016 18:10

No, it doesn't read like that at all! Jesus, why do so many MNes assume everything is a stealth boast, so bloody tedious.

I'm quite like you, OP, I often have to say that I don't care what other DC are doing, DD isn't to do XYZ. I wouldn't allow hr to do anything if the things you don't allow yours to do. Disturbing siblings during their class is particularly bad, if I was the teacher I'd request all non-class children removed from the poolside.

PPie10 · 22/04/2016 18:11

Agree with worra.

So do you actually think you teaching your kids not to run around restaurants, respect private property and not disturb others in lessons is being strict?
Oh come on. You know Yanbu, you just are simply judging others while trying to praise yourself.

Original poster
DreamCloud99 · 22/04/2016 18:12

I'm sorry if it reads like that , it's not my intention .

I am not very articulate . And I have brain fog at the minute so it's difficult.

OP posts:
AnnaMarlowe · 22/04/2016 18:13

Sounds fine to me.

I am strict. I'm fine with that. My children are lovely.

Original poster
DreamCloud99 · 22/04/2016 18:14

No Ppie I am not - I was trying to give context of what I don't allow my DC to do .

I felt like I was picking at them over what might be considered normal behaviour .

As I have said, I have no confidence in my parenting and I want to gauge opinions .

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/04/2016 18:15

Fair enough OP.

FWIW I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all.

usual · 22/04/2016 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PPie10 · 22/04/2016 18:16

Ok fair enough, you are doing fine op.

RiverTam · 22/04/2016 18:17

Why is what the OP is doing is 'telling them off for the sake of it', usual?

usual · 22/04/2016 18:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cleaty · 22/04/2016 18:25

I actually think it makes sense to be stricter with children when they are young, and then you can ease off as they get older. Your parenting sounds great.

TheWordOfBagheera · 22/04/2016 18:29

I'm the same OP and don't like that in order to get them to behave half decently in public they have to suffer a constant stream of 'not over there', 'back on your chair', 'quieten down a bit' etc that other children don't have to.

I admit to recoiling in horror at kids running riot and parents not batting an eyelid, but do feel envious at the sense of fun, happiness, and couldn't-care-less-ness that (some of) these more 'free' families have. I can't decide which is more important. I guess a balance is the answer, but I do worry that I haven't struck it and that they may become uptight, self-conscious and paranoid about others' perceptions of them. Might just be overthinking it though!

pearlylum · 22/04/2016 18:33

No I don't think you are too strict, but you do seem to have a negative approach to behaviour management.

All these nos and being told what not to do become less effective the more we use them.
Focusing on what children can do, and acknowledging when they are helpful, quiet, mindful and respectful of others is a better approach imo.
I consider myself a strict parent, and my children are quiet in public, - except when it is appropriate to be boisterous and noisy, but I limit my nos.
My kids get more attention when they are behaving themselves.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 22/04/2016 18:36

I don't think you sound too strict.
You didn't want them disturbing the swimming lesson or messing about on a private lawn. I'd do the same as you, it's encouraging respect for other people and their property.
My eldest is 5 and I have regularly found my self saying "It doesn't matter that the other children are doing/having X, I have said no!"
I do try and explain why I have said no, but it doesn't always get listened to!

Noshowofmojo · 22/04/2016 18:37

What Bagheera says is the same for me. I am an only child so was brought up in a quiet household, in a block of flats where we always had to be considerate of the neighbours. I can still remember my Mum saying to my Dad about noise "but she's just a child!" So having been brought up without any siblings, with older parents who had a "child should be seen and not heard" attitude I am somewhat sensitive to children being exuberant and how that might affect others. I'm working on being more relaxed whilst still taking others into consideration.