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AIBU?

to keep my dds away from this girl

37 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 17:55

We moved last year and there is 2 girls who live on the road who are also dds ages. One of the girls is lovely and the other is a manipulative bully. After a big row on tuesday. We are not letting the dds play with the bully anymore and the other girl wasnt allowed to either yesterday. She was blanked by everyone yesterday and was left on her own. I felt bad on her. She is only 8, but with an old head if you know what I mean. So today dds and their friend were playing in the back garden and this girl knocked and came round and manipulated the friend (who didnt want to play with her) to play with her, blaming her behaviour on her being ill and stressed. She tried to get my dds to play. They didnt want to as she upsets them and breaks things they have out of jealousy.

Aibu to keep my dds away from this girl to prevent future upset?

They have 3 other friends on the road who they are happily playing with now. These other girls have all told me thay arent allowed to play with this girl as she has bullied them in the past.

OP posts:

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justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 19:21

00100001 - what should I say to her without being a complete bitch?

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PPie10 · 21/04/2016 19:28

Yanbu, she may be only 8 but kids at that age can be horrid too. Just be firm and say your dds can't play. Don't explain, or sound apologetic. Just be firm and send her away .

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AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 21/04/2016 19:38

Personally I would supervise interactions as objectively as is possible for a mother from a distance for the short term and call her out on bad behaviour. I think this is better than just cutting her off. You have to live as neighbours and so this could go on for years so at least try to get a healthy interaction before dismissing the child for life.

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exLtEveDallas · 21/04/2016 19:42

OP: After catching a manipulative little girl physically hurting my DD for the third time I told her straight. I said "X, I'm sorry but DD is not allowed to play with you after you did ABC. I do not want you knocking for her or shouting over the fence for her again. I think you should go home now"

For us it was a culmination of issues both in school and out. Two years on and DD is able to be polite and kind to her (she even invited her to her whole class birthday party) but thankfully the girl has never knocked for her again, and DD avoids her completely outside of school.

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Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/04/2016 19:43

It's a nightmare. I understand, but with the best will in the world. You can't stop kids playing together. Chances are they'll be speaking tomorrow

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lem73 · 21/04/2016 19:51

Op my DD had a 'friend' like that. Twice she managed to break toys my DD had just got. It was written all over her face that it wasn't an accident.Also, I work in a junior school and have seen that kind of behaviour many times over the years. Normally the parents of the child in question think s/he is the victim, especially when the other children start to leave them out when they get tired of it. It's sad.

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bluebrushes · 21/04/2016 19:55

NanaNina How exactly did you SIL instil the ability to deal with bullies, etc into her DD.?? I could do with some pointers? Please.
Sorry to derail thread slightly Justalittlelemondrizzle

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EveryoneElsie · 21/04/2016 19:55

YANBU. There are some kids that make your alarm bells ring. Protect your kids as its a good lesson on being assertive and not putting up with bad behaviour in the name of politeness.
Charming sociopaths are born that way, not made. In any case, who needs the drama.

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BMW6 · 21/04/2016 21:08

YANBU at all OP. No child should have to endure the bad behaviour of another in case the other has "issues".
The other child must learn the hard way - that bad behaviour does not get her anywhere.

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justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 22:31

bluebrushes- dont worry. Id like to know how to myself.

exLtEveDallas- luckily we dont have that problem as they dont go to the same school as we moved from out of the area and dd's stayed at their school.

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amarmai · 21/04/2016 23:13

wd a fence be possible to stop access to your backyard? Of course you must put your dcc first. If you don 't, who will?

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DonkeyOaty · 21/04/2016 23:45

Yes I was going to say secure your garden

Kid has to knock your front door. You say No poppet not today (if feeling stern you say something like what EveDallas suggested. Broken record technique