Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2

AIBU?

to keep my dds away from this girl

37 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 17:55

We moved last year and there is 2 girls who live on the road who are also dds ages. One of the girls is lovely and the other is a manipulative bully. After a big row on tuesday. We are not letting the dds play with the bully anymore and the other girl wasnt allowed to either yesterday. She was blanked by everyone yesterday and was left on her own. I felt bad on her. She is only 8, but with an old head if you know what I mean. So today dds and their friend were playing in the back garden and this girl knocked and came round and manipulated the friend (who didnt want to play with her) to play with her, blaming her behaviour on her being ill and stressed. She tried to get my dds to play. They didnt want to as she upsets them and breaks things they have out of jealousy.

Aibu to keep my dds away from this girl to prevent future upset?

They have 3 other friends on the road who they are happily playing with now. These other girls have all told me thay arent allowed to play with this girl as she has bullied them in the past.

OP posts:

Report

DonkeyOaty · 21/04/2016 23:45

Yes I was going to say secure your garden

Kid has to knock your front door. You say No poppet not today (if feeling stern you say something like what EveDallas suggested. Broken record technique

amarmai · 21/04/2016 23:13

wd a fence be possible to stop access to your backyard? Of course you must put your dcc first. If you don 't, who will?

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 22:31

bluebrushes- dont worry. Id like to know how to myself.

exLtEveDallas- luckily we dont have that problem as they dont go to the same school as we moved from out of the area and dd's stayed at their school.

OP posts:

BMW6 · 21/04/2016 21:08

YANBU at all OP. No child should have to endure the bad behaviour of another in case the other has "issues".
The other child must learn the hard way - that bad behaviour does not get her anywhere.

EveryoneElsie · 21/04/2016 19:55

YANBU. There are some kids that make your alarm bells ring. Protect your kids as its a good lesson on being assertive and not putting up with bad behaviour in the name of politeness.
Charming sociopaths are born that way, not made. In any case, who needs the drama.

bluebrushes · 21/04/2016 19:55

NanaNina How exactly did you SIL instil the ability to deal with bullies, etc into her DD.?? I could do with some pointers? Please.
Sorry to derail thread slightly Justalittlelemondrizzle

lem73 · 21/04/2016 19:51

Op my DD had a 'friend' like that. Twice she managed to break toys my DD had just got. It was written all over her face that it wasn't an accident.Also, I work in a junior school and have seen that kind of behaviour many times over the years. Normally the parents of the child in question think s/he is the victim, especially when the other children start to leave them out when they get tired of it. It's sad.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/04/2016 19:43

It's a nightmare. I understand, but with the best will in the world. You can't stop kids playing together. Chances are they'll be speaking tomorrow

exLtEveDallas · 21/04/2016 19:42

OP: After catching a manipulative little girl physically hurting my DD for the third time I told her straight. I said "X, I'm sorry but DD is not allowed to play with you after you did ABC. I do not want you knocking for her or shouting over the fence for her again. I think you should go home now"

For us it was a culmination of issues both in school and out. Two years on and DD is able to be polite and kind to her (she even invited her to her whole class birthday party) but thankfully the girl has never knocked for her again, and DD avoids her completely outside of school.

AlleyCatandRastaMouse · 21/04/2016 19:38

Personally I would supervise interactions as objectively as is possible for a mother from a distance for the short term and call her out on bad behaviour. I think this is better than just cutting her off. You have to live as neighbours and so this could go on for years so at least try to get a healthy interaction before dismissing the child for life.

PPie10 · 21/04/2016 19:28

Yanbu, she may be only 8 but kids at that age can be horrid too. Just be firm and say your dds can't play. Don't explain, or sound apologetic. Just be firm and send her away .

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 19:21

00100001 - what should I say to her without being a complete bitch?

OP posts:

00100001 · 21/04/2016 19:18

Tell your kids to come to find you/ call for you if she comes in your garden.

You can send her away.

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 19:18

No chance talking to her mum. The other girls dad tried yesterday, que massive row.
I know its one sided as there is only ever an argument when she came round and my dds have made lots of friends on the road and have never had this with anyone else. + what the other girls have told me. It all adds up. I did and do feel bad. She is only young but I am not willing to let this happen again.

OP posts:

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 19:14

My dds at 8 and 7.
The way she comes round the back of my house and tries to get them to come with her when they dont want to by saying 'come and look at this its amazing' and getting the other girl to say things to them to get them to play when they dont want to. She doesnt give up. Saying shes been stressed and ill as an excuse. Etc etc. The other day my dd2 was starting brownies and had just put her new uniform on. 5 minutes later she flicked her cola ice pop at dd1 ruining her top. Dd was devastated

OP posts:

lem73 · 21/04/2016 19:14

Just a question Op. What makes you think the problems are all one sided?

srslylikeomg · 21/04/2016 19:12

I don't think you're nasty - seeing our kids get bullied brings out the tiger in us all! I just think: try to take a step back and have a think about this kid, she's obviously not being guided and she might appreciate you looking out for her too. Easy said I know.

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 19:08

And you can think im nasty and to invested if u like. Ive tried to stay out of it until now. And the other girls all volunteered this information to me. I didnt ask. And its also pretty hard to not hear whats being said or going on as all the windows have been open due to it being so warm

OP posts:

NanaNina · 21/04/2016 19:06

Can I ask the age of your DD and what happened to make you call this child a manipulative bully, which is something of a character assassination. She may well have some problems AS, ADHD, ADD which would explain her behaviour.

I think the fact that she is blanked by the other kids is horrid and you did say you felt bad about that. Can't you talk to her mom and see if there is anything you can do to ensure that the girls can play together without ..........well whatever it was that happened.

My very wise DIL (who is deputy head at a primary school) and has one DD always said that the job of parents is to give their children the skills to cope with bullies and other unpleasant behaviour. My DGD is 16 now and that advice has paid dividends. She is also a very compassionate girl and befriends a girl in her for who has AS whereas the others either bully her or ignore her, though of course that's a form of bullying.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/04/2016 19:05

It's fine to stop your daughters playing with her.

justalittlelemondrizzle · 21/04/2016 19:04

srslylikeomg - I dont think protecting my dds is childish in the slightest. This has been going on for weeks and I kept thinking it would get better. Dd1 has been bullied in the past and her self esteem has just recovered. Im not having her treated like this again. She has also tried to cause arguments between my dds. My eldest cam in crying as this girl came to our door and told dh that my dd said 'i hope you die' i know she would never think this let alone say it!

00100001- easier said than done, she lives directly opposite and if the other girls come over to play she stalks them by coming round to our back garden trying to take the other girls away.
If I let them play with her it will happen again. Her language is appalling too, f'ing and blinding in my house last week. She wasnt even angry it just spewed out during a conversation. I couldnt believe it.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 21/04/2016 19:00

Its the tone.

Adults effectively bullying a young child to teach her a lesson... Nasty!

srslylikeomg · 21/04/2016 18:58

I'd just expect a little more insight and compassion from an adult. This kind of thing happens, of course you protect your DD or Ds or whatever but to be so invested seems a bit odd to me personally. Starting a thread, talking about manipulation and what other girls on the street are doing. Sounds well bitchy to me.

00100001 · 21/04/2016 18:57

Can't you send the girl home of she knocks again?

lem73 · 21/04/2016 18:57

I can understand why you're doing this. Sometimes kids can sort things out for themselves and sometimes they need a grown up to say that the way a certain child is not acceptable or normal. Such behaviour affects other children's confidence and they may also learn to behave like this. The fact the girl is trying to explain her behaviour by saying she is stressed isn't good. She may have problems at home and there may be a grown up who is excusing her behaviour rather than trying to get rid of the stress/pressure she is dealing with. Very sad but you have no control over that and you need to think of your dcs.

Unflip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.