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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not split the bill?

78 replies

NYC23 · 20/04/2016 09:39

I went out for lunch with some friends, 6 of us, to a nice place in Chelsea, and we ordered off the menu (not a set menu).
The other girls had starters and I did not. I was also driving so drank only tap water. 4 of the girls had cocktails, at £14 a glass and wine or prosecco...
I only had my main and then obviously would pay some money for a tip.
The bill came and someone said "shall we split it 6 ways - it's easier" I had a quick look at the bill and mine came to £18, and everyone else's was over £50...
I said that in different circumstances I would usually be happy to split if we had all had a similar amount but I wasn't happy to split it on this occasion...
I felt like I was being judged and one of them was really snappy with me about it.
AIBU to not just agree to split the bill? I thought I was ok to say no but now I'm second guessing myself :/

OP posts:
wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 20/04/2016 10:22

I'm usually one for splitting the bill as it is easier but only if we've all had a similar amount...

When I was pregnant I went for a meal with some friends, they were all drinking cocktails etc. I ate a main meal and had tap water (as I couldn't keep anything else down) - my bill came to £12 but they insisted on splitting the bill meaning I paid £40, finding their drinking. In purely British fashion I dutifully paid but secretly seethed for ages and I'm still bitter about it.

ohmywhatamisaying · 20/04/2016 10:27

I can't see what the big issue is with paying for your own food and drinks, it's not complicated surely? The only time I can see where splitting the bill might make sense is if everyone consumed very similar amounts, or there is a lot of "dish sharing" going on, for example starter platters, etc.

debbiedidit · 20/04/2016 10:30

YABU to drink tap water when you go out to a restaurant.

MattDillonsPants · 20/04/2016 10:31

I can't stand the whole "Oh it's easier."

It's always the greedy bastards who have three courses and a barrel of wine who suggest this.

YANBU.

Eminado · 20/04/2016 10:35

What did she actually say?

And what was she judging? Did she honestly expect you to pay for her drinks?

Madness.

Goingtobeawesome · 20/04/2016 10:37

Ask the snappy one why it's okay for you to pay double or whatever for what you've had, for her to eat and drink loads and not pay?

YorkieDorkie · 20/04/2016 10:39

Blindsider my thoughts exactly!

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 20/04/2016 10:43

I was out on Friday with two friends. One was pregnant. Me and my other friend had cocktails and a couple of bottles of wine. As soon as the bill came I worked out what my pregnanct friends was and told her and me and my other friend just said we'd split the remaining as it wasn't much. YANBU. They are, Id never expect someone to subside my meal or drinking.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 20/04/2016 10:45

I think YABU...

You knew you were going out with good friends and it was Your choice not to have a starter, whilst everyone else did. The bill wasn't massive (for Chrlsea) so they were hardly having lots to drink (maybe one cocktail each and a shared bottle of wine??).

What goes around, comes around. It is annoying when someone want to split it unevenly, especially at the end of a lovely night. If you wanted to split the bill for your portion, you should have said at the beginning of the evening!

Pinkheart5915 · 20/04/2016 10:48

I always just split equally every time with friends no matter what I've eaten.
I go out with them often so it balances out as One time I will have starter and one of the others won't then another time no starter for me but others will.

BarbaraofSeville · 20/04/2016 10:52

YABU to drink tap water when you go out to a restaurant

Why?

I don't drink soft drinks like coke, juice etc because I don't particularly like them and I'd rather not drink loads of empty calories.

If I am not driving I will drink alcohol, but if I am not drinking alcohol my preferred drink is tap water.

I am happy to pay a nominal amount of say £1 per jug for provision of said water, but what I am not happy to do is pay rip off amounts for the environmental disaster that is bottled water, which is usually about £2 for a small bottle.

andintothefire · 20/04/2016 10:57

You knew you were going out with good friends and it was Your choice not to have a starter, whilst everyone else did. The bill wasn't massive (for Chrlsea) so they were hardly having lots to drink (maybe one cocktail each and a shared bottle of wine??).

I sort of agree about not having a starter - it is a bit annoying when people start working out how much their food came to when everybody (presumably) agreed the restaurant and decided collectively to go out for a meal together. However, I still wouldn't particularly mind in a small group if somebody who ate a much cheaper meal offered only to put in what their meal actually cost. Larger groups are a different matter because it gets really annoying when some people undercalculate or don't leave enough for the service charge!

However, I think that as a matter of principle as a starting point I would never expect anybody who hadn't had alcohol to pay the same as those who did. If somebody in that situation offers, that is fine. However, as the bill splitter I would always notice if somebody wasn't drinking and offer to split the bill without them paying for alcohol.

Penguinepenguins · 20/04/2016 11:03

Alcohol should be seperate I think if massive amounts consumed, however in London I've paid £4/5 for a pint of orange juice and lemonade and it's not far off the price of a small cheap glass of wine in London

Not sure I think if regular/good friends split as it will be horses for courses and even itself out in the end :)

EBearhug · 20/04/2016 11:06

When I go out these days, we usually seem to have a separate drinks and food bill, split the food between everyone, and drink between drinkers. It's also usually decided before anyone starts ordering.

winkywinkola · 20/04/2016 11:07

Always separate alcohol from food on group bills.

BarbaraofSeville · 20/04/2016 11:10

It doesn't usually balance over time though does it? The big eaters/drinkers are usually always big eaters and drinkers.

OK, someone is not going to be pregnant all the time, but I have a small appetite and cannot physically eat more than one course so usually just have a main, or will have 2 starters if everyone is having starters. Why should I subsidise someone who eats twice as much as I do?

The fairest thing to do in this case would have for the OP to pay for hers first with tip and then the rest to be shared out evenly amongst the other five, providing they all had about the same of course.

AliceInUnderpants · 20/04/2016 11:10

YANBU.
In this case, you chuck in 20 quid then they split the remainder of the bill 5 ways

HateTablets · 20/04/2016 11:11

I have been in the fortunate position where I had enough money that 'giving away' £35 on a night out like this would have been an issue.
I've also been the position where I was skint and there was no way I would paid £35 more for something I hadn't eaten/used.

As a result, I'm ALWAYS extremely careful not to impose to someone else to pay for something they haven't eaten.
My rule is, ask if everyone is happy so split the bill. If someone isn't then we all graciously pay what we have consumed.

I have found though that not everyone is like this. Some people do take it personally if you don't want to split (maybe because they then see their bill going up and they aren't happy about it. Or they see you as stingy). So I often look carefully at what others are ordering and align myself with them, esp if I don't know these peole so well (ie acquaintances rather than close friends)

Original poster
NYC23 · 20/04/2016 11:13

Thanks for all the replies!

I don't drink anything OTHER than water regardless of being at a restaurant or at home... Apart from alcohol on the odd occasion, however I was driving and therefore stayed clear of alcohol. Not sure I understand why it is unreasonable to have water at lunch in a restaurant, but hey ho!

I didn't have a starter, you're correct, that was my choice. I didn't fancy any of the starters on the menu, so why should I order something for the hell of it?

Yes, I didn't specify at the start of the meal that I wanted to cover the costs only for my meal but neither did anyone else say they wanted to split it. Had they said that I may have ordered the £54 lobster like one of the girls! Also I haven't actually mentioned the cost of the bill... It was over £350... And yep we all agreed the restaurant :)

Fact is, I ordered what I wanted and wasn't keen to pay 3 times as much as what I actually had :)

Oh she said "why are you being difficult, we can all split the bill because we don't want to look stupid getting phones out to calculate. It's the mature thing to do, nobody pays for their own anymore"

OP posts:
DownstairsMixUp · 20/04/2016 11:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PleasePleasePleaseMN · 20/04/2016 11:18

Would much rather see my friends than have the stay home because they couldn't afford to subsidize my dinner. The cheek of being annoyed someone wouldn't pay for their drinks Hmm

BiddyPop · 20/04/2016 11:19

Was it the girl who had the lobster who was keen to split it?! Grin

YANBU

BarbaraofSeville · 20/04/2016 11:20

nobody pays for their own anymore

Indeed. It appears that the done thing is to order the lobster and cocktails at £14 a go and have them paid for by the poor sod who had pasta and water Hmm.

Sometimes people can only afford to go out if they have one modest course and one drink. In that case it is especially galling to be expected to pay for someone else's fillet steak and cocktails that you didn't even get to enjoy yourself.

DrWhy · 20/04/2016 11:27

Threads like this really make me appreciate my friends!
We are in the fortunate position that none of us are skint and usually if everyone is drinking we all just split stuff and don't worry too much about starters vs mains, deserts coffee etc. But whoever looks at the bill will always ask 'is everyone happy to split it equally?' And if someone says 'actually I only had a salad would you mind if I just paid for mine' we'd cheerfully do that.
I recently went out with the group and 2 of us were pregnant, 1 driving and 3 drinking copious and pricey wine. When we asked for the bill before we even arrived one of the drinkers suggested we take the wine off it first before we split it and the drinkers would split the wine among themselves - non issue. In fact the non-drinkers had their soft drinks slightly subsided by the wine drinkers but they were fine with that. The difference was literally £20 per person for the wine and although I could and would have paid it it would have rankled slightly since I can't enjoy it at the moment.

Penguinepenguins · 20/04/2016 11:38

DrWhy you have decent friends :) I think that is the right thing to do, take in what others are doing and treat people fairly.

OP - on reflection maybe as I too have friends like DrWhy and it does mostly even out I'm very lucky :)

YANBU - and it's not weird at all to just drink water.