AIBU to not split the bill?

[NYC23]

I went out for lunch with some friends, 6 of us, to a nice place in Chelsea, and we ordered off the menu (not a set menu).
The other girls had starters and I did not. I was also driving so drank only tap water. 4 of the girls had cocktails, at £14 a glass and wine or prosecco...
I only had my main and then obviously would pay some money for a tip.
The bill came and someone said "shall we split it 6 ways - it's easier" I had a quick look at the bill and mine came to £18, and everyone else's was over £50...
I said that in different circumstances I would usually be happy to split if we had all had a similar amount but I wasn't happy to split it on this occasion...
I felt like I was being judged and one of them was really snappy with me about it.
AIBU to not just agree to split the bill? I thought I was ok to say no but now I'm second guessing myself :/

[BerylStreep]

YANBU. It's only ok to split the bill equally if everyone has had more or less the same amount.

In your case I think it would have been fine to put in £20 or £25 and say that should cover the meal and the tip.

If we have been out for a meal and there are non-drinkers we would normally split the food equally, then split the drinks bill between the drinkers, although I would be mindful if someone has only had 1 drink and everyone else has had loads. I would also never order £54 lobster in a group setting if everyone else is having £18 pasta dishes unless I was prepared to stump up extra for it.

Your 'friend' doesn't sound very nice.

[Muskateersmummy]

I'm generally a bill splitter. I tend to be a relatively small eater and don't really drink so it's certainly not a case of wanting my meal subsidised. It's just the way it's always been done in my family and friendship groups. If it's just a couple of friends we sometimes do a "this ones one me, you get the next " kind of thing.

But with a large disparity like this there is no way I would expect the OP to split! I would have taken the cost of her main off the bill and split the rest.

[Tink06]

Have been in a similar situation on a hen do n really annoyed the hen. I was heavily pregnant and suffering so just had a main n tap water. Glad I stuck to my guns, despite being tutted at and having the bill snatched back. Yanbu at all.

[BennyTheBall]

If you had wanted to pay for just yours, that would be fine.

I would be happier to split it as in my circle of friends that's what we do, but if it's a financial issue - of course you should only pay what you can afford.

[5BlueHydrangea]

More miserable having to pay far much more than you should because of the selfish attitude of others....

[That1950sMum]

Who spends £50 on lunch?

[albertcampionscat]

Yabu. Unless you're broke it's just miserable & dispiriting when people do this.

[expatinscotland]

YANBU

[AuntJane]

There have been times when I've had an idea of what's about to happen, and have said "Is that the time? Sorry, I have to go! I think £20 should cover mine" then out the cash on the table and left! Never had any come back.

[TheIncredibleHulk]

YANBU. That's a big difference.

I had a friend once who would insist on getting out her phone calculator and working it out to the penny. The absolute penny. The difference between our meals was mostly the cost of a diet coke for me, as she would only order tap water. Although her meal would often be a little more than mine anyway (She never left a tip either so that would be left to me anyhow). So sometimes the difference would be pennies but she would still insist on paying the exact amount. Lack of money definitely wasn't an issue.

I find that attitude really off putting to be honest!

[claraschu]

It is the responsibility of the boozy carnivore to grab the bill and insist on paying his/her full share, while the pasta eater politely says: "Oh don't worry", (and is overruled).

That is the civilised way to deal with this.

The person who eats more should never say: "Does everyone want to split this?". She/he should point out that s/he owes more.

[SabineUndine]

No you're not being unreasonable, and if anyone's being off with you about it, I wouldn't have lunch with them again.

[Cornishclio]

No YANBU. There was a long thread about this on MSE recently. If DH and I are eating with friends and we are all having two or three courses and wine and coffee we just split it two or three ways to make it easier. If I was going out with a group of friends and just having one course and a soft drink I would just stick enough into the kitty to cover my food and drink. Usually the ones saying split it to make it easier are the ones ordering £14 cocktails, lobsters etc etc like your friend. If they don't get that, this is their problem. Just pay for yours and tell them they can split the rest of the bill 5 ways. If they gripe, don't go out with them again.

Nothing wrong with ordering tap water btw.

[Ginseng1]

PS see NO issue ordering tap water either in a restaurant if am having a meal there!! plenty (if not more) mark up on the food (but that isn't even the point)

[coconutpie]

Was it lobster girl who wanted to split the bill?

YANBU. They are cheeky fuckers. Since they berated you for not paying, I'd have said "ok, so have I got this right then - you want me to contribute to your starter, your wine/prosecco and your cocktails? Ha yeah right, cop onto yourself, you greedy fecker".

Sometimes you have to spell it out because people are so bloody thick.

I got burned once in a similar situation - never again. I now refuse to pay for people's food and drinks bill when it's so vastly different (I'm a non drinker). Splitting it can make a non-drinkers meal end up being double the cost. No thanks.

[Ginseng1]

I get annoyed if someone starts bickering over bills if difference is couple a quid each (this happens too!) but def agree in this case when one person not drinking or drinking v little & others knocking it back. Am pregnant at the mo, every time I been out with the girls they'd say your not paying for the wine or whatever & I'd be same if I was the one drinking. I'd be really embarrassed that someone else was essentially being forced to pay for my night out!

[RB68]

water is not unreasonable - there is a fair mark up on food as well. Try being diabetic and not wanting caffeine either - water is about the only thing on offer in most places. Its a choice and a market place.

[sonlypuppyfat]

Milk or a cup of tea! How stupid I always have tap water, you're paying enough for your meal

[NYC23]

debbiedidit - that's your opinion, unfortunately I don't agree. I don't like juices/fizzy drinks etc, so if I'm driving, what would you suggest I drink?

[debbiedidit]

It's unreasonable not to order a drink in a restaurant - how do you think they make their money? It's often not on food. I am embarrassed whenever someone asks for tap water in a restaurant.

[WonderingAspie]

YANBU. I hate bill splitting. I do have a few drinks when out but significantly less than others as I just can't manage it. I don't feel I should have to subsidise the ones who drink 2 bottles of wine each whilst I have 2/3 glasses (sometimes I don't even have that).

The year before last one person in our group announced we should split it the bill at our Christmas night out, no one liked to say different, I ended up paying a lot more because many people had a lot to drink, turned out others were uncomfortable at splitting when they knew they had had more alcohol. Last year I said from the beginning let's get drinks from the bar and the menu was set so same prices and everyone was happy with that.

[RandomMess]

YANBU, when the difference is so huge absolutely not at all!

[VenusRising]

Why would you have to get your mobiles out? How stoopid can you get....
Surely you can all do the maths in your heads?

You chuck in 20 and make a break for it while they drag their knuckles along the ground trying to give chase!

[blindsider]

I generally split the bill unless there are obvious anomalies and before anyone says that is because I do well out of it my wife doesn't drink so I am always subsidising.

It is rare that you get such a large disparity between actual bill and your share and frankly unless it was vast I couldn't be bothered. The other problem with shared bills is people start averaging down so it gets to be far more expensive than it should be. We used to go on golf/rugby tours with a guy that always did this, we would order beers and he would order a cocktail net result everyone think fuck it if he is having a cocktail so will eye, this extended to fillet of beef etc. etc. and suddenly your £25 per head meal has become £60. It is annoying.

[KitKat1985]

YANBU. Bill splitting is often easier if everyone has roughly the same to eat / drink, and working things out to the penny DB I'm looking at you can come across as petty, but when there are clear differences in what you ordered and there was a substantial difference between each of your totals then bill splitting is unfair IMHO.