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AIBU?

to think men and woman can be just friends?

40 replies

wheresthel1ght · 19/04/2016 21:20

I might be being exceptionally naive however have just had a very bizarre conversation with a friend and am now questioning if I am being stupid or if she really is being unreasonable.

15 years ago I worked for a company that had several sites around the world but their main production and research facility was uk based. 2 factories, 1 in London and 1 in the Midlands. I worked in the Midlands office but spent most of my time working with colleagues in our London office. Several used to be at our site at least 2 nights a week. Here was a group of us who used to go out for meals/drinking and dancing in the local club. Mix of men and women, single and married. Nothing ever more than friends having a good night out.

I left the company many years a go but have always stayed in touch with A couple of the guys from the London office. Every so often they are still in my local city for meetings etc and will text or call to see if I am free. We all have spouses/partners and all have kids. Today I received such a message from one of the guys.

My female friend has now messages asking if I am free on the same night as my male friend is in town so I have told her I'm not as I have plans with male friend. She has basically accused me of being a Trollope and said one/other of us is obviously interested in sex as that is the only reason we would meet up and she is disgusted my partner has agreed to me going out.

My partner has never met this guy. however I have talked about him, he has rung when dp is about, dp is fully aware of the friendship and the history and it has never occurred to him to be jealous or suspicious.

Dp is going away for a weekend on June with a mix of male and female friends, I am not going as it is related to his hobby which quite frankly bores me to tears! It would never occur to me to stop him or be suspicious.

So Aibu to think my friend has lost the plot and that men and women can actually be platonic friends??

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KidLorneRoll · 19/04/2016 22:03

Yes, of course they can.

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wheresthel1ght · 19/04/2016 22:05

Abeta can you explain? Why are random friends any different to anyone else? Why would a random be more inclined to fancy me than someone I have known and worked with for years?
Not attacking just genuinely curious as to why you differentiate in this way

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Rarotonga · 19/04/2016 22:08

How rude of your friend, of course men and women can just be friends!

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exLtEveDallas · 19/04/2016 22:11

After spending most of my adult life in the company of men, I'd be astounded to be told that I couldn't just be friends with any of them.

I have a few female friends, a couple of gay friends of both sexes and loads of male friends. The friend I trust most in the world and who I would turn to if something terrible happened is a man. A married man at that.

(Although, I have to admit, my very very best friend is probably my dog Smile)

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wheresthel1ght · 19/04/2016 22:14

Ex that did make me chuckle!

My very best friend in the whole world is a bloke, we have been friends since we were 2 (nearly 40 now).

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NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 19/04/2016 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Uncoping · 19/04/2016 22:30

My best friend in the world is a man.

A ginger, spotty, lanky horrible prick of a human being.

But I love him to death & he is my best friend.

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ABetaDad1 · 19/04/2016 22:31

wheresthelight - I think I mean you have to be aware of context.

I have no issue at all with DW having male friends and likewise she has no issue with my female friends but all of them are respectively people who we naturally met through work, spouses of friends, people who share a hobby.

I think it would be a bit odd for me to say just start chatting to a woman in a pub or whatever and randomly becoming friends with her for no obvious connection other than we just happened to get on. I wouldn't do it.

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expatinscotland · 19/04/2016 22:36

Of course they can.

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VestalVirgin · 19/04/2016 22:41

I used to think that women and men could just be friends.

However, most men do not seem to believe that.

To this day, I have no close male friends. Acquaintances, yes, but no friends. All men who wanted to spend more time with me turned out to be after sex.

It is rather depressing.

I am sure women can be just friends with men. I am not as sure for the other way round. Perhaps if the man is gay.

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Pinkheart5915 · 19/04/2016 22:43

I think men and woman can be very good friends.
Some of my best friend are men and my dh has many female friends

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MissingHome22 · 19/04/2016 22:45

I have quite a few make friends gay and straight. No suggestion of anything other than friendship. My partner has good female friends too. I admit I'm less comfortable with his female friend who is a stunning glamour model but I know that's my issue so try not to be jealous about it.

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Oysterbabe · 19/04/2016 22:49

I have a few very close male friends who I've known since uni, 16 years ago. We're all happily married with children. I'm 100% certain none of them want to shag me.

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Alisvolatpropiis · 19/04/2016 22:51

Yanbu

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blueshoes · 19/04/2016 22:56

I think to stay friends with men, especially those I meet after I got married, I have to be careful never to give out wrong or mixed signals.

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