AIBU to take this as far as I can?

[TheDetective]

Vague thread title. Sorry.

At the weekend, it was brought to my attention by a person who I have never met, but know through MN, that she supected someone someone was referring to my son in a Facebook group.

Screenshots were sent, and indeed it WAS my son that was being referred to.

The post was made by his nursery owner/manager. The initial post wasn't an issue. She was asking for advice about him returning to nursery, as he has broken his leg and is in a full leg cast.

However, the replies with her follow up have left me utterly speechless. I spent over an hour shaking with anger and upset.

This is a direct quote... 'I know my initial thought she is a nightmare of a parent too checks everything we say with the LA and the little boy is showing signs of ADHD so I can see why she is desperate to get him back going to do everything that's been suggested on here then ok it all with LA before I speak to her tomorrow as I'm sure she will be on the phone to them straight after'.

So, my son has signs of ADHD (at 3) and no one thought to mention it to me, his parent? That is despite the fact there have been numerous occasions where they could do so. And the fact that they know I have concerns (but not ADHD!!) and my HV wanted their opinion in order to refer him. I've been led to believe he's absolutely fine.

Then there's the issue that she felt it was appropriate to share this in a Facebook group with 13,000 members, before she had shared it with me.

The fact that my son was identified through her post by two separate people, one of whom has never met my son.

I have gone straight to OFSTED and to the LADO to escalate this.

I'm so angry though. As she owns the nursery, it feels like there will be no come back for her.

Aibu to push this as far as I can take it? Or should I just let it go?

Don't forget she also posted derogatory comments about the OP alongside the information about her child. And revealed health information about the child (possible ADHD) that not even the OP was aware of.

It's also not possible to determine how many people identified the child and OP, because not everyone will have contacted the OP.

I'd imagine that anyone who knows the nursery owner (I.e. Including every other parent) could easily work out which child and which parent she was talking about. It's shocking.

Good advice upthread, especially from cats.

I'd just add;

Don't phone the nursery. The call will only get messy and probably emotional, on both sides, and you won't have any record of what was said. Accusations might be made against you.

Just write a formal letter of complaint and post it. Then you can move on to the process with the Information Commisioner's office.

FriskyFrog, I think you're mistaken on a number of counts. If this information was identifiable by just one person, it is a data breach. In fact OP knows that two people identified her child; and this is a group with 13,000 members so there may well be others. Furthermore, if just one person with a child at the nursery or the school sees the post and identifies OP and her child, the chances are that it will go round all the parents like wildfire.

Further, there's the sheer unprofessionalism of apparently identifying ADHD and telling 13000 strangers before telling OP, to say nothing of being grossly offensive comment about the parent of a child in her nursery. That's obviously not a data protection issue but casts serious doubts on her fitness to manage a nursery.

I had a look, and it mentions you have to complain to the company first. Given she is the owner, this seems a bit pointless?

OP, if that's what's needed in order to tick a box before taking this further, you should do it even if it does seem pointless.

OP - you don't need to worry about what you say to the nursery. Do it in writing. Complete with inclusion of the screenshots. That will class as a complaint to the company as far as the ICO is concerned.

The nursery should have appointed a Data Controller. Ask who that is and direct your complaint to him or her. It may well be the owner, but carry on anyway with the formal complaint.

You may have a case for defamation as you have been identified (as has been proven by the fact you were alerted to the posts very quickly) but suing is expensive unless you can find a no win no fee deal. A legal action can be the only way to knock sense into some people.

Absolutely outrageous. Why a nursery owner would have such contempt for her customers is beyond me, I hope she is forced out. In the end it will be good for you as your son will be away from this ignorant fool.

If this is the nonsense she feels happy to post on social media, god knows what goes on when no one is looking.

The Late book Sounds like a fire safety procedure to me, or something to do with blanket child-safeguarding guidelines. (which may be badly interpreted, fair enough).

So I'm gonna get yelled at for stalking but I think I don't care.

I've been led to believe he's absolutely fine.

I don't know who OP meant had 'led her to believe', but she's posted a lot on other MN threads about nursery repeatedly expressing concern over her son's behaviour. Nursery did not lead her on to think things were fine.

I thought anybody could state their opinion about adult clients (though not about vulnerable people). It may be foolish business practice, but someone can say their clients are nightmares, legally. It's not a data protection issue to have an opinion.

Given any potentially revealing posts were swiftly deleted from the FB group I don't think a complaint procedure is going to achieve anything to OP's benefit.

Quick reply to above ^^ I moved his nursery in January at the HV advise to see if his old nursery were the problem.

The new nursery were made aware of the reasons for moving him, and that I wanted their opinion in order to progress with a referral (for autism).

They have insisted their is no problem at every opportunity.

That is why I am angry.

And that's why stalking does no good on MN. I don't think I've posted since moving him.

To me, the data protection issue (if there is one, which I'm not convinced - think it's more a safe guarding/general confidentiality issue) would be secondary.

What would concern me most is that there is a child with potential ADHD/autism who is not getting the support they need let alone a diagnosis.

I'd call the health visitor straight away today and insist that they called the manager today and asked her to explain the basis for the ADHD comments. Then get the appropriate referrals.

HV is coming next Tuesday. She asked if she could read the

Baby pressed post

She asked if she could ring the nursery but when I told her I haven't yet spoken to them myself, she said she would hold off until I have.

She's going to request all data they have on him and the basis for this statement.

I did leave a message on Monday, but I rang again this morning when I hadn't had a call back.

I agree that they have done wrong and you are right to take things further. I can see that you wanted advice but you have lost a little bit of moral high ground by posting about her and this situation on MN, a completely public forum.

I wouldn't bother talking to the nursery. What is their ti say? Presumably you are removing your DS but you can give the notice in writing and make any complaint in writing too. Let them find out in the first instance about this from the health visitor - who cares

Personally, I would not be letting one further day lapse waiting for a referral. That needs to be done ASAP so the health visitor can call them today and get a verbal report over the phone. That's enough for the referral. She can send the data on ti the paed later.

That's my plan. I tried to email but there's no email address in the public domain.

So I'm going to put it in writing and have it signed for delivery.

The HV has said she has no concerns with him. Developmentally he meets all the ages and stages questionnaire. He doesn't display the behaviours all the time, and she has never seen what I see from him.

It's actually quite hard to put my concerns in to words.

I'm happy to wait until Tuesday, so I can go over everything with her. I also want to arrange a babysitter to come over so I can talk without distraction.

My concerns are more along the lines of Aspergers, ADHD had never even entered my head.

That's what has left me reeling. It wasn't even in my scope of concerns.

Whilst the ADHD suggestion might be accurate, to be honest I wouldn't place too much reliance on it. This nursery owner sounds like an idiot, so I wouldn't like to trust her judgment on diagnosing learning difficulties any more than I would trust her on data protection.

Absolutely report it. It's not the way confidential information about a child attending the nursery should be tackled especially by the staff.
Rukes are rules and are nade for a reason.

Personally, I'd have got a solicitor involved. This is dreadful.

OP, have you ever heard of the M CHAT R?

It's designed to pick up on developmental problems and it's a lot more targeted than Ages & Stages. It's free. We think DD is autistic (DS is - FIL and DB both are, too - so I am picking up on things that are small but telling, really) and Ages and Stages shows only one delay, which is referring to herself in the third person. The M CHAT R, and I thought she was doing really well as far as the questions went and would score as fine, but she showed a risk of autism on it. I think it's fairly well targeted.

It's medically reputable and has been based on research showing it's effective. It's just an indication, obviously, but it has given me the kick I needed to make an appointment for her, that her risk was so unequivocal. And the HV may find it helpful, too.

Sleep, I've done it twice before, and both times it suggested at risk of autism.

I figured I'd fill it in again after you linked it. And he's now showing no risk at all. Last time they asked follow up questions based on my answers, this time it was a clear cut, no risk.

The issue is a lot of his behaviours seem to be when he chooses.

So he won't maintain eye contact, but he can do it when he wants to.

He wont interact with other children, but he can do it when he chooses to.

There's lots of little things, but as time goes on, they are reducing.

My biggest concerns are how defiant he is, and how wilful he is. Despite all the usual tactics, and being extremely consistent, it isn't working.

He has always been like this, he was a high needs baby, and nothing has ever really changed.

He's advanced in his letter/number recognition, reading, yet is socially/emotionally delayed. His speech is slightly delayed also, but he is just within normal for this.

What that means for him, I don't know. But if he needs support, I want him to have it!

To update on the post - the 2 owners turned up at my front door yesterday. They denied it, then I showed them the screenshots, then they said it doesn't say his name, I said it doesn't need to say his name to be identifiable, how many 3 year olds broke their leg in this area this weekend. Clearly it was identifiable if someone who hasn't met my son could identify it being about him. I just got 'er, er, er' and shifty looks back. So I ended it with 'yes I've informed ofsted/LA, and his funding has been transferred to his new nursery, so we have nothing more to discuss.

So she didn't admit it or apologise for any of it, just stood there trying to argue about it, then floundered when faced with evidence.