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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to take this as far as I can?

99 replies

TheDetective · 19/04/2016 12:15

Vague thread title. Sorry.

At the weekend, it was brought to my attention by a person who I have never met, but know through MN, that she supected someone someone was referring to my son in a Facebook group.

Screenshots were sent, and indeed it WAS my son that was being referred to.

The post was made by his nursery owner/manager. The initial post wasn't an issue. She was asking for advice about him returning to nursery, as he has broken his leg and is in a full leg cast.

However, the replies with her follow up have left me utterly speechless. I spent over an hour shaking with anger and upset.

This is a direct quote... 'I know my initial thought she is a nightmare of a parent too checks everything we say with the LA and the little boy is showing signs of ADHD so I can see why she is desperate to get him back going to do everything that's been suggested on here then ok it all with LA before I speak to her tomorrow as I'm sure she will be on the phone to them straight after'.

So, my son has signs of ADHD (at 3) and no one thought to mention it to me, his parent? That is despite the fact there have been numerous occasions where they could do so. And the fact that they know I have concerns (but not ADHD!!) and my HV wanted their opinion in order to refer him. I've been led to believe he's absolutely fine.

Then there's the issue that she felt it was appropriate to share this in a Facebook group with 13,000 members, before she had shared it with me.

The fact that my son was identified through her post by two separate people, one of whom has never met my son.

I have gone straight to OFSTED and to the LADO to escalate this.

I'm so angry though. As she owns the nursery, it feels like there will be no come back for her.

Aibu to push this as far as I can take it? Or should I just let it go?

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 19/04/2016 14:31

Appalling! Take it as far as you can op.

Original poster

TheDetective · 19/04/2016 15:51

Thanks for making me feel less unreasonable.

To clarify a few points. No picture was used of my son.

My son was identified because the opening message was about a 3 year old who had broken his leg this weekend.

The person who saw it was someone who has never met my son, but thought the opening post sounded familiar.

It was on a closed Facebook group for childcare managers, but anyone can join - as was proven yesterday when the group accepted several people known to me.

The post was removed 24 hours after posting. I do have all the screenshots saved, yes.

I wouldn't go to the press, because I couldn't handle seeing comments made about me or my child following it. Nor do I want to identify him any further.

Sorry if I've missed anything, I'll come back again to reply to anything I've missed.

What would a solicitor be able to do? Is it worth ringing for advice? I wouldn't be suing for money, but to have her face the consequences of her actions. But as a single parent on maternity leave, I can't afford the solicitor fees...

OP posts:

Pseudonym99 · 19/04/2016 16:16

Just goes to show there is no such thing as anonymous. Even if you don't mention a person's name, people can still be identified.

GasLightShining · 19/04/2016 16:19

13,000 people is one hell of a closed group. As you said there doesn't seem to be any checks

The fact the post has been taken off indicates that someone knows it is wrong

millimat · 19/04/2016 16:21

Could citizens advice help there?

millimat · 19/04/2016 16:21

Definitely contact ofsted.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/04/2016 16:22

Head over to Legal Matters and see if you can get some advice from professionals. This isn't the USA - I can't see you getting far with a million pound claim for emotional distress etc etc. but I would definitely call it breach of confidentiality.

Start with Ofsted, and make a formal complaint. You should have a reasonable expectation of privacy and confidentiality, not semi public speculation and personal comments [about you]

catsrus · 19/04/2016 17:01

OP to repeat my previous post - there is a procedure for dealing with this and you will get advice from the ICO at the link given. It will not cost you any money.

This is a breach of data protection as it involves identifiable information being put in a public forum by someone who has the information for a specific purpose - ie the care of the child. As its health information it's an even more serious breach. Health information is particularly strongly protected in law. Here is a link to the Information commissioners office and how to get advice and complain. I would go for it and take it as far as you can. Stress that two people told YOU about the postings as they identified your ds from what was said. www.gov.uk/data-protection/make-a-complaint

jamenhej · 19/04/2016 17:09

OP, I am absolutely on your side here as what had happened sounds dreadful - so I am only saying this out of concern for you, but do you think you ought to ask MN to delete this thread, as technically she could counter accuse you of taking her words / potentially identifying info and reproducing them here ie on another forum..... I could be completely wrong, but it would be awful if she, who is clearly in the wrong, had some leverage against you...

isitginoclock · 19/04/2016 19:47

OP - a lot can be done, especially as she owns it. Any fallout from this will dent her own business. Take it as far as you can, local press etc.

lljkk · 19/04/2016 21:13

Do you actually go check everything with the LA?

SquidgeyMidgey · 19/04/2016 21:16

YADNBU

sleeponeday · 19/04/2016 21:56

OP post on Special Needs Children. A LOT of parents there will have expertise in a range of areas covered, gained via depressingly direct experience.

Cats seems to be offering solid advice.

You're right not to want to go to the press. It would sink her business potentially, but it would also make your child googlable in this context. That's what stopped me from taking a school that failed mine as public as possible (the head is a raging egomaniac, in my view and experience of her, and it would be her idea of hell for the media to learn what shenanigans have really gone on there - but my child's interests come before punishing her).

Original poster

TheDetective · 19/04/2016 22:25

Thanks catsrus, I did miss your previous post.

I had a look, and it mentions you have to complain to the company first. Given she is the owner, this seems a bit pointless?

Could I ask for further advice. As yet, I have not rung or said a word to the nursery. I have tried to return their 2 calls, but had no answer. They have left voicemails.

However, I don't know what to say. Do I just blurt it out, that I know what she said, and my son will not be returning as a result? I was going to email, but there's no email address that I can find.

Lljkk, I'll try and keep this short. They messed up with his hours when he started. I compromised with new hours. But I informed them he would be arriving later in the day (10am, rather than 9). They wanted me to sign a late book. I declined. 3 year olds can't be late for non compulsory education. Besides he was 'late' because of their error (they calculated the ratios wrongly when they offered the place for the hours I requested). I asked where the information came from that a late book should be signed for a child at a private nursery. They said the LA. I asked if they had issue with me checking that information. They said no. So I called and asked. The LA said the nursery were wrong. Unfortunately the LA made matters difficult by ringing the nursery and telling them this. Rather than me being able to speak to the nursery first.

I refused to sign a late book because my son wasn't late (and never could be) and I am getting divorced, and don't need anything that could be used against me by my ex. No other reason.

OP posts:

catsrus · 20/04/2016 07:02

She sounds a bit clueless doesn't she? Given how tightly regulated all childcare provision is these days.

Have a look at this cnp.naace.co.uk/system/files/data_protection_in_schools.pdf

The key issue is whether the nursery is registered as its own data controller or whether it's in with the school. You can search here
ico.org.uk/about-the-ico/what-we-do/register-of-data-controllers/

I would still strongly recommend you ring the Information Commissioners Office (ICO) for advice as a first step. They are the absolute and total experts on this, their whole reason for existing is to protect personal data. As I said, data relating to health is particularly highly protected. You will find how to report a concern here. ico.org.uk/concerns/

Groovee · 20/04/2016 07:12

If a member of staff had done this, it would be classed as gross misconduct. Extremely unprofessional and she needs to be dealt with through the correct channels, OFSTEAD etc.

lougle · 20/04/2016 07:31

That's very inappropriate. What outcome do you want? An apology?

pinkpetrol · 20/04/2016 07:41

If the Nursery is a private pre- school that she owns then she is renting the rooms from the school. The school will not want to be associated with anyone as unprofessional as her. I would speak to the Headteacher of the school. At the very least the school should give her a written warning that this is unacceptable. At the very most they may decide not to renew her lease when it is up and will find another pre-school wrap round childcare provider. I bet she has done this before and they may be looking for an opportunity to move her out

examworries · 20/04/2016 07:47

Shocking. As they've been trying to call you and the post has been removed they are clearly trying to do damage limitation. I would keep everything to email as much as possible so you have a paper trail. Anything said over the phone can easily be denied

MrsDeVere · 20/04/2016 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriskyFrog · 20/04/2016 08:46

While I understand your annoyance, I would seek to be clear here on what has actually occurred. I am not convinced that this is a data protection issue.

If I am reading correctly, it was one other person, plus yourself, who noted that the child referred to in the facebook post could be your son?

So a Mumsnetter who does not know your son or you, doesn't know his name, what he looks like, or what nursery he goes to, noted posts on MN about a 3 year old with a broken leg and full cast and also posts on Facebook about a 3 year old with similar, and thought they might be the same child, and so PM'd you about it?

If so, then someone not known to you in RL has recognised similarities in information across 2 different social media, but it seems no-one has actually been identified.

I am not sure that "3 year old with broken leg and full cast currently off nursery" qualifies as identifying information for the purposes of the DPA. It is unlikely that they are the only 3 year old in the country in that situation.

I would have a good objective read of the DPA and be sure of your position first otherwise you won't get very far.

KeyserSophie · 20/04/2016 08:54

People's indiscretion on social media never fails to amaze me and yes, she does deserve to be taken to task about it. "Closed group" means nothing. Sorry that you've had to go through this.

Lighteningirll · 20/04/2016 08:59

I agree with Frisky this was a post on a closed group the only identifying 'data' referred to a broken leg the posts have now been removed. I would be raging, absolutely raging but take a deep breath you can complain but you won't get far. As for going to the press think very carefully you are complaining about someone identifying your child by plastering said child over the papers.

lborolass · 20/04/2016 09:11

I'm not a DP expert but I think I agree with the posters saying that no data as such has been revealed.

I don't know if things have changed but when my children had funded hours at a preschool it was a condition of the funding that you had to arrive on time and staff had to mark down lateness with a reason. It sounds like you got off on the wrong foot and things went downhill.

pinkpetrol · 20/04/2016 09:21

I dont think it was tallking about the leg that was the real issue. It was saying that her son had ADHD and she was a fussy Mother AND revealing enough about the child for him to be identified on a national site. Regardless of what others are saying this IS a data protection issue and is at the very least a disciplinary issue.

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