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AIBU?

fucked off

174 replies

SurroMummy13 · 19/04/2016 03:18

Every night for the last 15 days my daughter has had barely little sleep. Which meant I've had barely little sleep. We've both been ill and a lot going on otherwise.

For the 15th night she's woken, come to my bed screaming at me, screaming at me that I'm hurting her, never fucking touched her btw, and screaming she wants daddy, screaming over fucking everything.

I lost my rag with her, nearly walked last night (would of if DH was here). And again nearly walked tonight, just wanted to clear my head but he's emotionally blackmailing me not to.

Told me it's not his fault he's not been here, his dad's been dying. It's fuck all to to with his dad dying, he hasn't been here either way, he doesn't know what the fuck has been going on here every night.

Then he started speaking to me like a child. If I was that way inclined I'd have hit him. But I didn't, I just walked away.

Now my daughter doesn't want me, she wants daddy, she looked fucking terrified of me.

I'm tired, emotional and still poorly, had bad news today that a life long dream has gone down the toilet. I snapped. And now he hates me and so does she.

OP posts:

Report

DixieNormas · 27/04/2016 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PansOnFire · 27/04/2016 09:10

I hate the implication that being on medication is some kind of failing and is an indicator of how much a parent loves or doesn't love my child. This thread is absolutely disgusting.

OP, you reached out. People with similar circumstances listened and offered advice based on their own circumstances. You insult them and have a go as if being depressed or anxious is something to be ashamed of.

A few months ago this would have made me feel like a failure. As my medication is helping me I'm simply putting my thoughts into words and letting you know how your responses could make other people feel.

The things you have written tick more than one box for depression and anxiety. That's all I wanted to point out to you and to let you know that it's not some kind of failing to seek some help. Listen or don't, it wasn't an insult.

If you don't want people to listen and offer advice then don't post such emotionally charged posts.

RudeElf · 27/04/2016 10:07

I've read this thread and bitten my tongue since my initial post. I agree with math and i actually thought it before you even started this thread OP based on your previous one. Your 'behaviour' (wrong word but cant think of the right one) is worrying. You dont have to come back to this thread and explain yourself to anyone whether you do or dont speak to your GP but i think you could benefit from it. If anything just to have someone 'real' tell you that what you are feeling is shit but normal and send you on your way with your mind at rest. Do look after yourself. You're looking after everyone else so you need to be fit to do it. Dont run yourself into the ground.

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 11:33

I made this post over a week ago and bar from a few, I'm still being insulted and told I have a mental condition.

Because I was sleep deprived, ill and under a lot of stress.

OP posts:

RudeElf · 27/04/2016 12:08

You arent being insulted, you arent being told you have a medical condition. People are saying you should get checked out.

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 12:20

I've been checked out. I'm fine.

Sleep deprivation, illness, family loss and major upset can do that to a person.

OP posts:

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 12:26

Does it matter? Things were bad, I was at a very low point, but things are getting better.

Especially after a decent sleep. And both of us getting over that illness.

OP posts:

RudeElf · 27/04/2016 12:29

Thats ok. People are just trying to help. It makes no difference to them whether you are well or not. They are taking time out of their lives to advise someone out of concern because they know from experience how much a difference getting help if you are ill can make.

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 12:36

I know how bad things were. It was shit.

OP posts:

RudeElf · 27/04/2016 12:38

Not sure of your point there tbh.

exWifebeginsat40 · 27/04/2016 13:00

just...whoever suggested contacting the Crisis Team - this is not a thing. only those under the care of secondary services have access to the Crisis Team.

OP you sound much clearer after some sleep. look after yourself.

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 13:25

There wasn't a point to be made. It sent too soon as I was busy at the time.

Thanks 40. I feel better after some sleep :)

OP posts:

WaitrosePigeon · 27/04/2016 15:01

I'm so glad to come to the end of the thread and see you are ok.

Sleep deprivation turned me into a monster so I know exactly how you felt, coupled with bereavement and sickness you must have felt awful.

Take care

mathanxiety · 27/04/2016 18:15

I'm still being insulted and told I have a mental condition.

It is not an insult to suggest you might have depression or anxiety any more than it is an insult to suggest you might have sprained an ankle or should be checked for crohn's disease.

A mental health issue isn't a character defect or a crime or whatever horrible thing you seem to think it is.

It is not something to be ashamed of and it is not an insult.
Is that what you think of people who have depression/anxiety and use anti depressants?

(FWIW to those insisting anyone who thinks there is more going on than sleep deprivation plus being unwell couldn't possibly have experienced sleep deprivation I have done the sleep deprivation thing and have done the very unwell thing on top of that. Five DCs, none of them sleepers. Plus gallstones. Plus a useless, abusive exH. Got my Tshirt and my medals, etc. Never got to the point where I would have composed the OP that I saw here a few days ago, or subsequent posts. There is something more there than sleep deprivation.)

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 20:25

Thanks Waitrose, youre very sweet.

Math - Well whoopdy do, ain't you just perfect all over.

OP posts:

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 20:26

Math - Especially for you.

fucked off

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 27/04/2016 20:31

I don't think a few night's sleep has done anything to get rid of the anger that seems to be very much present just below the surface.

I would be interested to know what you think you have to lose by talking to a doctor about what happened in the last little while.

And no, I didn't have depression/anxiety. Doesn't make me perfect.

I did get gallstones, gestational diabetes, a bad back. I had them all treated after diagnosis. Yo no more have to soldier on with a mental health issue than you have to with a physical health issue.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 27/04/2016 20:40

OP why are you being so nasty to people? Is this generally how you are in your normal life interactions?

BillSykesDog · 27/04/2016 20:42

OP, is the reason you're so defensive about MH suggestions and reluctant to get it checked out because you're worried about how it might affect your chances of surrogacy?

YorkieDorkie · 27/04/2016 20:56

I think 15+ days of very little sleep and an active (seemingly nocturnal) 3yo DD not to mention family problems would probably send me off the planet. OP has posted to vent in a vulnerable state. I don't think it's fair to assume there are MH issues unless you were witnessing unusual behaviours in the flesh. Nothing would make me more frustrated than my own child rejecting me when all I want to do is help and a missing DH. You have every ounce of my sympathy. Have a and .

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 27/04/2016 21:02

I was on this thread in the beginning.

The only one on here insulting anybody is you, OP. Your anger at people trying to help you is really really nasty. Your latest posts to Math (who in the many years I've been on MN with her has never stooped to the mouthing off you are doing btw, and has, to my knowledge never yet been wrong about anyone) are way off.

You can tell me to fuck off now as well if you want. It won't make you feel better though, beyond that quick fix swagger you seem to like when someone disagrees.

WonderingAspie · 27/04/2016 21:10

math, I'd give up, all I see is you trying to be helpful and supportive and it's all being thrown back in your face.

OP, it's quite clear that it's possible its more than sleep deprivation, but you seem utterly unwilling to even consider it. As someone who has suffered many MH problems, I find your attitude slightly insulting.

You posted to ask for help and you are being hostile and unpleasant. I'm out now.

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VoldysGoneMouldy · 27/04/2016 21:21

OP as much as you might be insisting that things are 'fine' now, what you have described will not just disappear with a few nights sleep. If things go downhill again tomorrow, which is possible if your daughter is having night terrors, how will you cope? You had genuinely made an escape plan. You had been angry enough that your daughter was 'terrified' of you. Please speak to you GP, or at least your HV. There is no shame in needing support. By not accessing it, things will spiral again - whether that is tomorrow or next month. Take care of yourself and your child.

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 21:28

Goodness sake. I'm not being nasty, that pic was tongue in cheek.

I'm not a surrogate any longer. My health (issues with PCOS) has messed that up, as I'm almost (not 100%) sure I stated it had fallen through, in my original post.

I think you're mistaking irritability for anger.

I have been to the doctors.

I honestly think you need to understand people go through shit and don't all come out smelling as sweet. Just because you went through something 1000x worse, doesn't give you the right to keep going on at someone who has been going through something and not dealing with it as well as you.

Suggesting that they go to the doctors because you think they need help. Well I've already been to the doctors! As I have said in one of my last comments. So id appreciate it if you'd stop suggesting it.

The OP was made over a week ago. When I was at the lowest and most exhausted (mentally and physically) than I have been in a long long time. Is it any surprise I was cranky and defensive, when straight away I had some (not all) people jumping down my throat?.

OP posts:

SurroMummy13 · 27/04/2016 21:33

Also, may I ask why my attitude is insulting?.

I've had depression, anxiety and PTSD in the past. I had a therapist, CBT and lots of horrid meds to help me through.

I'm not sure what point (if any) you're trying to make.

OP posts:

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