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AIBU?

fucked off

174 replies

SurroMummy13 · 19/04/2016 03:18

Every night for the last 15 days my daughter has had barely little sleep. Which meant I've had barely little sleep. We've both been ill and a lot going on otherwise.

For the 15th night she's woken, come to my bed screaming at me, screaming at me that I'm hurting her, never fucking touched her btw, and screaming she wants daddy, screaming over fucking everything.

I lost my rag with her, nearly walked last night (would of if DH was here). And again nearly walked tonight, just wanted to clear my head but he's emotionally blackmailing me not to.

Told me it's not his fault he's not been here, his dad's been dying. It's fuck all to to with his dad dying, he hasn't been here either way, he doesn't know what the fuck has been going on here every night.

Then he started speaking to me like a child. If I was that way inclined I'd have hit him. But I didn't, I just walked away.

Now my daughter doesn't want me, she wants daddy, she looked fucking terrified of me.

I'm tired, emotional and still poorly, had bad news today that a life long dream has gone down the toilet. I snapped. And now he hates me and so does she.

OP posts:

Report

SurroMummy13 · 22/04/2016 20:54

Thebrowntrout

I completely agree.

OP posts:

SurroMummy13 · 22/04/2016 21:01

And I'd never actually hurt anyone. I'm a soft ass!

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 23/04/2016 04:43

I am suggesting something.

You are mistaken in thinking the most a doctor would do is prescribe sleeping tablets. Read your OP again and a few of the other initial posts of yours.

Please don't take that fury of yours lightly.

I have many years of experience of sleepless nights btw.

mathanxiety · 23/04/2016 04:44

And your fury is still right there beneath the surface.

SurroMummy13 · 23/04/2016 06:46

If you say so.

(Again, insert eye roll emoji here)

OP posts:

PansOnFire · 23/04/2016 09:22

Surro it does sound like your emotions are all over the place at the minute, I recognised some of the feelings you've mentioned as some of the symptoms I have when I'm not on medication. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in December and since I began the medication I'm fine and my emotions are far more balanced. No more massive highs and lows that confuse the hell out of my family.

There is nothing wrong with feeling strung out when you have a child who can't/won't sleep, but the effects of many things happening at once can send us into overdrive. The GP won't prescribe you sleeping pills, they'll prescribe you a low dose of something to take the edge off the negativity and then go from there.

KindDogsTail · 23/04/2016 09:26

The reason I thought you should see a GP Surro was that when I read your first posts you seemed to truly be at the end of your endurance with no one at all available to help youa and your child.

I do feel it was the only positive suggestion I could sincerely make at the time, so though I'm sorry if you found it a bit extreme when the only thing wrong with you was a lack of sleep, it is still difficult to know what else I or others who suggested it could have said instead.

Its good you are feeling better now and that your child is sleeping better.

SurroMummy13 · 23/04/2016 18:16

I was at the end of my tether, but unless a doc could babysit while I slept for a decent amount of time, there was nothing they could have done.

My 'moods' were perfectly reasonable for everything going on at the time!.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 23/04/2016 19:12

I don't think so Surro, and I urge you to make an appointment. The context may have been the occasion for your moods, but I do not think they were the cause.

Please read back over your early posts here. There is an edge to them that has nothing to do with sleep deprivation (with which I am familiar). Then the change was too abrupt and went too high.

Thebrowntrout · 23/04/2016 19:45

Math, what are you implying?

mathanxiety · 23/04/2016 22:08

I am implying what some other posters here have explicitly written -- depression/anxiety, and feelings of desperation/being in a hole (nothing is good enough/people are having a go at you or are either for or against you/can't trust others to care for DD). I think a doctor would be in a good position to make a proper assessment.

SurroMummy13 · 24/04/2016 07:08

I don't trust many people to care for my daughter. Simple as that.

Is that a bad thing? Or are you the just sort who leave your children with anyone you can find? Because I'm not. I need to be able to TRUST the person I leave my daughter with.

OP posts:

KindDogsTail · 24/04/2016 12:40

In your first post you seemed desperate about what was happening with your daughter. Other posters were suggesting she might be having horror dreams so as to help you see it might just be a phase she was going through and not to feel hurt as you seemed to be in your post.

A child having night horrors is the sort of thing a GP might have been able to explain. Also, whether or not a GP could help with sleep, or whether or not a GP needed to actually do anything, it seemed as though you had no where to turn.
So A GP who might just have at least listened to you might have been a start and might have given you some comfort or advice or another sort of help contact.

Glad everything is OK though now.

mathanxiety · 24/04/2016 20:58

The inability to trust someone to care for your DD is a problem, yes. There is a level of anxiety and fear behind that that might be an issue.

What is 'trust' in your opinion?
How deep would the feeling have to go before you would leave your DD with someone? What do you think might go wrong if you were to leave your DD downstairs with, for instance, a well-recommended teenage girl for a few hours while you took a nap? Do you seek out contact with people who might be able to help you out, occasionally? Do you try to develop a network?

(There is a big middle ground between trusting a competent teenager you might know a little from somewhere near where you live and leaving your child with random strangers. The alternative to leaving your DD with your parents or family members isn't asking a person you find in the nearest bus station to babysit for a few hours.)

SurroMummy13 · 24/04/2016 21:35

Yes, and I have good reason for those feelings. None of which are any of your concern.

OP posts:

Thebrowntrout · 24/04/2016 21:45

Math, to continue trying to 'diagnose' somebody who has explained repeatedly she is not concerned by her emotions is unhelpful at best.

OP has not slept, has had a close bereavement and her husband is perhaps not being as helpful as he could be.

Generally speaking I am a cheery rational person but can become like most people depressed, anxious, highly strung and upset after repeated interrupted sleep.

Op is not alone in wanting to care for her DD herself.

As with most things - make a suggestion, when someone says no, not for me thanks - don't keep on about it.

mathanxiety · 24/04/2016 22:07

I am not diagnosing here. I am pointing out elements of the low that were out of the ordinary and elements of the following high that were likewise, plus an element in the background (inability to trust people with her daughter) that contributes to my sense that all is not well here.

There is also some anger right under the surface that makes me think all is not well. The sort of kneejerk responses I have seen here make me sense that you are on edge and not really doing ok.

What is to be lost by making an appointment with a doctor to talk about your crushing disappointment about the surrogacy plans, your H's arsey behaviour, and your feeling that nothing you do is good enough, your lack of trust, as well as your physical illness? You could bring along your OP and your other posts here and see what your doctor says.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 24/04/2016 22:35

Responding to stressors as though you are stressed, and then feeling happy once the stressors let up, does not in itself indicate that someone needs medication. Otherwise we'd all be medicated for reacting to life, wouldn't we?

Thebrowntrout · 24/04/2016 22:36

Quite, Decaff

Quite.

mathanxiety · 25/04/2016 01:02

We are not seeing the same things. Fair enough. But I am not the only one who has seen what I have seen.

SurroMummy13 · 25/04/2016 07:01

I'm sorry math but you seem to think I'm interested in your opinion of me. I've told you frequently, very nicely. Now please, back off.

I don't need to be medicated to live life. Maybe you're wanting the world to live in some sort of Equilibrium world crap eh?

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 27/04/2016 02:50

It is not my opinion of you as a human being. I am not sitting in judgement of you.

What you are getting is my opinion of a health problem you may be suffering from.

Your defensiveness and anger are jumping off the page. This is a health issue. Not a personality or character quirk.

Please, if not for your own sake then for the sake of your H and your child, go to the doctor and ask for a professional opinion of the rage and the abrupt high that followed.

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lampshady · 27/04/2016 05:38

I'm with math for what it's worth. I found it uncomfortable reading. Seemed to go beyond sleep dep and grief. Have you ever had periods where you've felt like this before OP or is this the first time?

mathanxiety · 27/04/2016 06:45

Depression/anxiety are not personal failings or evidence of a character defect any more than gallstones are.

Lots of people are 'medicated' in order to live life. People with arthritis, diabetes, chronic low back pain, PMT, high blood pressure, transplanted organs - the list is endless, and it includes people who choose to make the most of their lives and not suffer needlessly from anxiety or depression or other (mental) health issues.

They are not weaklings who have chosen some easy and ignoble course. They are people who have taken what is often the difficult step of telling a doctor there are elements of their lives that are overwhelming them, and asking for help.

blinkyoullmissit · 27/04/2016 07:14

Couldn't read and run.
I have a 10month old who won't sleep. In the past few weeks I've been lucky to get two hours sleep. I'm exhausted.
And because I'm currently going through this I can offer some "sensible" advice.
I've suffered with depression/anxiety many moons ago. This doesn't sound like it. You sound sleep deprived. God if I was to write a post now about my lack of sleep id have people suggesting to lock me away.
My son is my priority and I love him with every fibre of my being, but it doesn't mean I'm not stressed or fed up because he won't sleep.
You sounded so much better after having a bit of sleep. Ignore the rude people on here. They've clearly never experienced something like this before. Just keep on marching through. I'm sure it's just a phase for your DD. Sending hugs and lots of wine

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