Every night for the last 15 days my daughter has had barely little sleep. Which meant I've had barely little sleep. We've both been ill and a lot going on otherwise.
For the 15th night she's woken, come to my bed screaming at me, screaming at me that I'm hurting her, never fucking touched her btw, and screaming she wants daddy, screaming over fucking everything.
I lost my rag with her, nearly walked last night (would of if DH was here). And again nearly walked tonight, just wanted to clear my head but he's emotionally blackmailing me not to.
Told me it's not his fault he's not been here, his dad's been dying. It's fuck all to to with his dad dying, he hasn't been here either way, he doesn't know what the fuck has been going on here every night.
Then he started speaking to me like a child. If I was that way inclined I'd have hit him. But I didn't, I just walked away.
Now my daughter doesn't want me, she wants daddy, she looked fucking terrified of me.
I'm tired, emotional and still poorly, had bad news today that a life long dream has gone down the toilet. I snapped. And now he hates me and so does she.
AIBU?
fucked off
SurroMummy13 · 19/04/2016 03:18
LittleMaeMae My daughter is now sleeping better than she did before she fell ill, I'm much better now and a lot 70% of the tension has gone between me and DH and we are getting on much better.
My BF is helping a lot and the surrogacy may not be doomed after all 
Hit post too soon 
HomeStart could support you through this. They helped me when I had no where to turn when I was at the end of my Tether.
I think you may need a referral from sure start or the health visitor but in some locations you can self refer.
I hope you start to feel better soon.
Sleep deprivation is pure torture and there is no support when it is being inflicted by your little ones.
It's is almost impossible to cope with at the best of times.
You have the added pressure of strain between yourself and DH.
That would tip me over the edge.
Sending you strength 
So whats the 
for if you dont give a damn? Did you just want to have another jibe?
Martha you assume I give a damn 
Waitrose it's not winding me up, it was a few days ago but now it's just a bit odd that people keep telling me a should see a gp. Funny thing is, I've already seen one! As I've repeated to people more than once,
Surro just hide the thread duck, it will wind you up even more 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Monday night, I was being pushed to my almost brink, physically and emotionally. I told my DS to go away, and I will spend a long time trying to mop up the hurt I caused him.
In my defense, I am severely disabled, single, working mother of a 5yr old, abuse husband gone but not forgotten, half my family dead of what I have, no support except the paid carers I completely rely on. Throw into that mix a child who just stopped sleeping, and as I had to prep for a solicitors meeting to work out how to stop H taking my little boy into a war zone of I die, and was doing this in the evenings after work and DS sleeping... I was having to work through the nights on it, then carer ill so I had to do things I kinda can't, my rewards, a partially dislocated hip and a flare up of the arthritis in my pubic bone wrists and thumb (yes, you read right, arthritis in my sodding pubic bone ffs, I can't even rub the pain away, or clutch it in agony!).
Anyway, seriously over the edge, and I just stopped functioning, turned into an angry lightening bolt ball of ANGERRRRRRR.
But I slept lots tues night and through the morning, and by had I feel like a human being again. a totally warped and stressed human with a propensity to put a bag of peas on my fanny and sweet corn on my hip... frozen you understand, not fresh
Anyway, point being, with enough sleep humans can be heroes every day. But break that and you're left with a drive long wreck in super quick time.
Keep on picking up one piece at a time. And if you do feel low more than normal, then no harm in seeing a quack. No shame in it, no harm in it. But, no need to rush there unless you want to.
Good luck OP. Oh and maybe try sprinkling yourself with frozen veg to ward off the unhelpful confusion between your body and a sex toy, it's a proven mood killer :)
Ps. Somewhat annoyingly, sex can be a reaction to death, or illness, grief etc. because there's something life affirming about the act and the potential result that can drive people to crave it in these situations...
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