fucked off

[SurroMummy13]

Every night for the last 15 days my daughter has had barely little sleep. Which meant I've had barely little sleep. We've both been ill and a lot going on otherwise.

For the 15th night she's woken, come to my bed screaming at me, screaming at me that I'm hurting her, never fucking touched her btw, and screaming she wants daddy, screaming over fucking everything.

I lost my rag with her, nearly walked last night (would of if DH was here). And again nearly walked tonight, just wanted to clear my head but he's emotionally blackmailing me not to.

Told me it's not his fault he's not been here, his dad's been dying. It's fuck all to to with his dad dying, he hasn't been here either way, he doesn't know what the fuck has been going on here every night.

Then he started speaking to me like a child. If I was that way inclined I'd have hit him. But I didn't, I just walked away.

Now my daughter doesn't want me, she wants daddy, she looked fucking terrified of me.

I'm tired, emotional and still poorly, had bad news today that a life long dream has gone down the toilet. I snapped. And now he hates me and so does she.

[Valentine2]

i think OP should be left alone and if you haven't got anything nice to say, please stop commenting here. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture. 15 nights would make me mad as hell.
I think you have done great OP by posting here. It gave you a place to vent. And I don't think if your partner is grieving for his father it gives him some right to not help you through 15 nights of sleeplessness and ill health or force sex upon you.
So, you should get some kind of help from someone and ask him to give you a night and day off. So you sleep for at least 12-15 hours straight. Then you post here again and I think it will be far better to discuss what is happening then. I am sorry it's all happening at the same time and your whole family is caught up in it but this time will surely pass so just hang in there

[APomInOz]

I have a husband who cares more about his sex life than my mental or physical health. I can totally understand where you are coming from in that respect. I also get no help or sympathy from him when I have had night after night of sick kids etc and he still expects sex!

I'm glad you had a good night last night, I hope it continues on and you get the much deserved rest and sleep you need.

Take care of yourself and you will be better placed to take care of DD - and your husband can fuck himself!

[BillSykesDog]

I think it's an extremely difficult time for both of them. It sounds like the OP is feeling much better today. Hopefully now she's had some sleep she's got a bit more perspective and will realise that her DP is in need of support right now too. Remember that she came on here to rant and got it out of her system without walking out and leaving DD with him.

[BillSykesDog]

Take care of yourself and you will be better placed to take care of DD - and your husband can fuck himself!

The man's just lost his father. I'm sure that attitude will be really helpful. Honestly, fucking MN sometimes.

[Waltermittythesequel]

So what, you think I'm abusing my daughter?

No, but I think your feelings toward her are a little worrying. Perhaps my phrasing was wrong. I think you're being irrational about her and you would both benefit from you seeking help.

Can guarantee you wouldn't say that to my face

Well, I would. Why wouldn't I?

[SurroMummy13]

I'm not telling him to fuck off.

If he gets grouchy at me for 'drinking the wrong way' I will again throw a teddy bear at him. But he's grieving.

Feel much better today. Still been sick and am still nauseous but much more relaxed.

I got a 'I love you so much mummy' when she woke me up this morning (at 5:15am). And a little later 'sorry mummy, I'm grumpy and tired'.

We had a HUGE cuddle and watched paw patrol.

Getting ready for nursery was much more relaxed (but I'm covered in glitter) and we are off to the park as soon as I've picked her up from nursery :).

Thanks to you (supportive) ladies. Finally starting to feel like myself.

Gonna make DH a MAHOOSIVE lovely dinner for when he gets home tonight. X

[SleepyBoBo]

OP you do sound very angry/unhappy and it may well be having an effect on your daughter (even if don't mean to/can't see it). I, like you and many people, have been in a situation where the crap just keeps on coming and there's no end in sight. Where everyone around you seems to be just making it all worse - it's very easy to see the bad in everything and everyone at this point, but you also have to find a way of controlling your negative behaviour as well. It will just keep getting worse if you don't accept you need to either get help or get on with it (harsh wording perhaps, but it's one or the other I'm afraid). My mother used to 'walk out/threaten to leave' every time she 'couldn't cope', at the moment you may be doing it out of your daughter's sight but she may well cotton on, that caused me a lot of anxiety as a child. I think you need to visit your GP from reading this, but that's obviously your call. Your husband is also going through a bad time, he's lost his father. It doesn't matter how it happened, that's still his father and he's probably in quite a bad place himself at the moment. You have to find a way to support each other, and not break in front of your daughter - it really isn't fair on her.

[SurroMummy13]

Waltermitty

Please just stop commenting. Your negative views are not wanted it needed.

I love my daughter more than life itself and will do anything for her.

Every parent goes through a rough time. You'd be lying if you said it was easy 24/7 and nothing ever went wrong.

So please, woman to woman, (unless you're a bloke) either back off with the negativity or just back off totally. It's not needed here.

[FuckSanta]

It's absolutely fine to have a bad day, and it can be good for children to see their parents' emotions. It's what happens afterwards that matters. If you've frightened your daughter do you say sorry to her and mean it? If you've shouted to you apologise and say why it happened? I'm not saying you can do anything and apologising makes it right, just that children can be left scared and bewildered if it's not explained to them. They absorb our emotions and may not understand them, especially at 3.

Glad things sound better.

This nausea and sickness couldn't be pregnancy related, could they?

[WonderingAspie]

Do you think it would be worth a chat with your GP anyway? Do you think you could be depressed or has this all come to a head over the last couple of weeks?

Sleep deprivation is a huge thing. I cannot cope at all without sleep. When I am tired (and I have an illness that makes me exhausted a lot of the time) everything is wrong and shit. If you think it is that, hopefully things will settle down when you are both over your illnesses. If it is more, than a trip to the GP would be a good idea.

Also you need to sit down with your husband and tell him that when you are ill, you would appreciate some help and support not criticism about the house and pestering for sex, not exactly a turn on for you is it!

[MattDillonsPants]

OP ask for this to be moved to relationships. This is AIBU and you're bound to get hassled.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Please post in 'relationships' next time.
AIBU is not the place for you if you are feeling vulnerable, sleep deprived and actually want some sympathy and support.
Relationships is the place for you next time.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

I'm glad things are looking up, OP. A good night's sleep really can make all the difference sometimes!

[MrHankyTheXmasPoo]

Just wanted to send. Supportive big hug. No experience of sleep terrors but lack of sleep with my second was awful. 22yesrs on I can still recall the feeling

You obviously love your daughter, take no notice of the negative posts,

This phase will pass. Keep telling yourself that x

[mathanxiety]

Surro, your swing from gloom to sunshine is rather abrupt. Please try to see your doctor.

[mathanxiety]

I also think you love your DD, but I think you are on a rollercoaster.

The highs are too high and the lows are dreadful.

[SurroMummy13]

You seem to be suggesting something. You may as well come out and say it...

[SurroMummy13]

Thanks to the others btw. We are both much better (bar a little sniffly). And getting back on track. Finally had a day out and had fun at home yesterday too!

And my daughter slept through two whole nights in a row! (But she woke last night and we ended up on the sofa again - barely any fuss. Just cuddles).

[Thebrowntrout]

GOD op, I feel for you!

I've just started a thread funnily enough about my friends 3 yo, who is really not pleasant to be around at all, and I know the fact I have this reaction to her reflects badly on me but my nerves are on edge after I've spent any length of time with her screaming and wailing and hitting and shrieking, and it's not even my child!

and yes, bereavement is different for everybody.

Get some rest, and don't worry about FEELINGS. It's fine to FEEL like slapping someone just not to DO it.

again.

[Buckinbronco]

OP I recognise the sleep deprivation here. I don't know what kind of GPs some on here have but I'd be shooed out with a note on my file saying hypochondriac if I went to them and said what you've told us. The fact that you feel so much brighter after a decent sleep is perfectly normal. I'm so glad you got some rest and are looking forward to a nice night with your H

[BillSykesDog]

I think you should go to your GP too. It does sound like you are under an awful amount of stress and it would probably be a good idea to get any MH issues ruled out.

[SurroMummy13]

I've been stressed with barely any sleep. The most a doctor would do would prescribe sleeping tablets. And with a 3yo who wakes frequently during the night, I don't think that'd be a great idea.

Thanks to other lovelies who haven't suggested I need to see the GP over sleep deprivation and stress! (Insert eye roll emoji here)

Bit tired today as DD had another 'episode' (don't know what else to call them). So we ended up on the sofa snuggled up while I sang lullabies .

[NeedACleverNN]

Yeah if every parent went to the doctor over stress and loss of sleep, there would be no appointments left!

The only thing I could advise is trying to find some more support somewhere so you can have an hours peace and quiet

[hazeyjane]

Surro - sorry for suggesting the gp.

I went when ds was sleeping very badly and I was overwhelmed. He is nearly 6 and he has slept badly since birth, at the time of seeing the gp he was sleeping roughly 2/3 hours a night, and screaming with reflux for the rest of the time. He was about 15 months old, and I had 3 year old dd2 and 4 year old dd1 - D's was starting a long journey of assessments and tests as he was very delayed.

So (understandably!) stressed and exhausted I went to the gp - she was great, set up monthly appointment s for me, I stafrted on a low dose of citalopram, as she felt I needed something to help get me through the day to day stuff, because it was just getting hard to function. Having her to talk to, and the ADs to get me out of the hole I was in worked for me. I known you are in a different situation, but could hear a desperation I recognised, so thought it a valid suggestion.

Sorry if it was inappropriate

[SurroMummy13]

You didn't need to explain yourself!

I hope your boy is sleeping better now?.