Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they've washed their hands of dd

40 replies

justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 20:02

Im not sure if iabu or not. But dd2 is in y2 and im the first to admit she is a down right lazy but very bright.
Due to her bad work ethic in class she was moved to a table of her own for a short time last year. I only found this out at parents eve in March this year! The teacher has never called me over to have a word about anything before this point. She was moved to a table with other children in december and has been there ever since. Although it has become apparent that this is the table where they have sat the children with behavioural problems. I wouldn't have a problem with this as this is what the teacher thought best at the time. But over the past month or so I have worked hard with her to improve her work ethic by doing work with her at home and getting her in the habit of working hard without the need of prompting her and her teacher is very happy with her and said there has been a massive improvment in class. Dd has been complaining the boys are distracting her constantly and doesn't, she said they are tickling her and burping in her face and doesnt want to sit with them. She has spoke to the teacher about this too.

I spoke with the teacher about this to be told that "she understands dd drew the short straw by sitting there" "we have recently moved the children around but dd's table has stayed the same" and "if I move her it means I will have to move another child to that table" followed by "I will move her but can't say when" aibu in thinking that these comments sound like they've just washed their hands of her and that the other children in the class are more important? I think they intend on keeping her there for the rest of the year or maybe move when the year is almost over and this will mean she has spent almost the whole year there? Does every other childs needs come before my dd's? What should I do?

OP posts:
trinity0097 · 18/04/2016 20:31

Speaking as a teacher there is never one seating plan that works perfectly, all are compromises in one way shape or form (or many ways shapes and forms in most cases) - I'd prefer to have about 16 more end of the row away from others in my classroom!

blobbityblob · 18/04/2016 20:37

Not necessarily. It might be that as she's just moved most of the class it's not the right time to do it again. I think in my dc's class it's a case of waiting until someone else needs moving and then they can swap.

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 20:40

I am really beginning to hate this school. Nothing they ever do is good enough. It is the most un-caring place imaginable. Every year worse than the last. Theyre more concerned with league tables and sats results than the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 20:42

That shoud read.. Nothing my dds do is ever good enough.
Dont type in haste Hmm

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 18/04/2016 20:56

Do you know if they're sat on the same table for the whole day?
My dd ( golden child) once told me she was sat with x (not so golden).
I checked it out with teacher and it turns out they sit with different children depending on the activity. So, phonics would be similar ability, but eg show & tell they mix it all up.

CitySnicker · 18/04/2016 21:01

Which child should be sat in her place then? Was she distracting other children with her poor work ethic?

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 21:05

The 2 classes in the year get mixed up into different groups for phonics. But I think its only an hour or two a week. Dd is IN THE 'Middle ability' group I think. I think if the teacher would have spoken to me about dds attitude to work say in november and december (when she was made to sit on a desk on her own) I would have been able to sort it out sooner. I was left blissfully unaware.

OP posts:
TheSolitaryWanderer · 18/04/2016 21:06

If they are very focused on SATS, things may not change until after half term when the KS1 SATS should all be over.
Best case scenario, your daughter is with a group that gets more support from the teacher, or more probably the TA. This should enable her to complete her work and get the encouragement she needs to put some effort in, or to help her concentrate.
Worst case, she's one of 30 and the teacher is concentrating on those that will give the best return on the input and attempting to control the disruptive elements by grouping them together.

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 21:09

I dont know snicker. The teacher told me her and her friends were talking too much. I have suggested she sit on a table with children who arent her friends.
I think she has been sat there long enough, I dont know who but as the teacher said "she has drew the short straw" isnt it someone elses turn.
If she slips back into her old ways, by all means she can go back. She needs to be given a chance and its going to get harder to keep her motivated as she thinks she will move if she works harder

OP posts:
StarUtopia · 18/04/2016 21:12

Of course the teacher can move her. The reason she hasn't is because seating plans are the biggest pita ever and take about 10x longer than you think they will. Trust me. No Yr2 teacher has the time or inclination to be doing this right now with what is coming up.

I wouldn't be as bothered about where she sits as the fact that you have been blissfully unaware of various things. I would take this as a sign that you need to make your presence known more. However, having said that, I cannot understand how come your own daughter didn't tell you when it happened? Do you not ask what's been going on today at school? Confused. My 3 yr old blabs constantly about what is going on at nursery!

ollieplimsoles · 18/04/2016 21:13

'work ethic'

She's in year 2 ffs...

ollieplimsoles · 18/04/2016 21:14

That wasn't aimed at you op, I know you want the best for your dd

shazzarooney99 · 18/04/2016 21:15

Isnt it better that she is on a table with people than on her own? if she wasnt working with a group before and she wasnt working on her own and now shes not working in a group again does that not speak for itself? and perhaps its nt that she is lazy some children are very intelligent but cant get theyre ideas onto paper, she could even have sen.

CitySnicker · 18/04/2016 21:20

If it was aimed at me Ollie I suggest I read the OP.

CitySnicker · 18/04/2016 21:25

Agree with PP in that she's probably been put there in order to receive additional support. Has she had a lightbulb moment yet in that she is being distracted in the same way that she was probably distracting others previously? It's an important lesson as they move away from their egocentric younger selves and may help her going forward. Seating plans are easy to tweak ...but Im Imagining there is a reason why it's not been done.

amarmai · 18/04/2016 21:27

no parent shd be left unaware of difficulties their dc is having in school. They shd be informed of the problem and the ct's plan and timeline to reach a specific goal. This shd be in writing and signed off by all parties. Then if the ' solution' of leaving her on her own does not produce the aimed for result by the time planned, then the next plan shd be written up. etc. It sounds as if you were not informed, your dc was isolated, you worked hard to help her, she was put at a table with other cc who are having difficulties and she is being disturbed by them and losing the concentration that the teacher said she was concerned about. Did you receive a plan to work toward a goal that benefits your dc? I wd ask for such a plan in writing with a timeline and hold the ct to it.

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 18/04/2016 21:29

Omg, I am a teacher and I hate seating plans. Classrooms are like herding cats, and no offence OP, but it annoys me when parents try to meddle with where their kids sit. Trying to seat ~30 kids with various needs and personalities is a balancing act. A child might work brilliantly with one person and not with another, but if someone else is sat the other side of them they could become a nightmare. Plus the fact that you have to change it up periodically to give them a bit of variety and a chance to work with other people. Moving just one child is like dominoes... You can't necessarily just swap them for a different child.

Rant over. Your kid's teacher probably knows what they're doing. That's assuming they aren't going completely spare under the pressure of insane new SATs handed out by a government that doesn't know what it wants...

CitySnicker · 18/04/2016 21:34

...or a target chart / home link book? It Should be for the child really.

CitySnicker · 18/04/2016 21:37

Teachers of England...I take my hat off to the lot of you.

clam · 18/04/2016 22:04

What CrayzyCat said, x100.

There are enough considerations to take into account when organising seating plans, without inviting all the parents to put their two penn'orth in as well. I move certain specific children from A to B and on to C all the time, usually to maximise everyone's work potential, but have never considered I need to inform their parents about it.

CitySnicker · 18/04/2016 22:17

OP should really have been told about child being sat by herself.

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 22:21

I never expected to be informed where my child is sitting. I usually couldnt care less and have always left the teachers to do what they want. Its the fact that these problems became apparent to the teacher in oct/nov and I was unaware till march at which point I became aware she "drew the shirt straw" and had been on the SEN table for 5 months while other children have been moved around countless times and had the opportunity to work with other people. My dd has not been given that opportunity and basically been left behind

OP posts:
monkeymamma · 18/04/2016 22:23

I feel really strongly about this as it could have described me at the same age, OP. I struggled to concentrate, was distracted easily and was sat at a table of children who were a mixture of additional needs, behavioural difficulties and those who had just pissed the teacher off in some way. Lumping us in together like that was crass, bigoted, and showed IMO exactly how the teacher categorised us in her mind - not as individuals with different needs but as the 'naughty children'. We felt the full force of the disapproval of the teacher, other children, parents and school as a whole. We none of us thrived or had our needs met. Sitting us together was a way of shaming us when we should have all been looked at as individuals/people. I am shocked to think this is still happening in a supposedly more enlightened time.
Looking back I don't think I was just lazy or disruptive. I struggled with numbers and I think had/have some form of discalula. I also couldn't see the board (short sighted, as yet not spotted) so didn't bother trying to figure out what was going on - it was easier to chat and muck about. But the teachers just thought I wasn't trying.
In actual fact, at a better school/under better teachers (it took a while) I thrived, had a brilliant work ethic, and ended up studying at Oxford. I really wish I could talk to the teacher who decided to wash her hands of ME and ask her what the bloody hell she was doing.
You are being fobbed off by someone with horrible views. Can you ask for your dd to move to a different class? Is a different school possible?
Being categorised and condemned at such a young age had a huge bearing on my self esteem for a very long time. It still affects my personality to some extent.
And ffs, work ethic?? She's what, seven??????????

Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 22:23

Short* straw... and no there has never been any feedback or home/school book. Absoloutely bothing other than a rude 10 min appointment at parents eve.

OP posts:
Original poster
justalittlelemondrizzle · 18/04/2016 22:26

Dont really want to move them at this stage they have formed close friendshio groups and it would do mor eharm than good. It is an outstanding school... on paper.

OP posts: