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AIBU?

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Original poster

I did something awful but she exaggerated

39 replies

travellinghopefully12 · 18/04/2016 11:45

I'm really upset right now, but questioning whether I have a right to be.

A few weeks ago I visited one of my friends, a professional artist, in her studio. When there I put my bag on her desk, and I know this is terrible, but I had a pasta salad in it and it leaked on one of her sketches. It was a sketch not a painting, but I know it's her work. I apologised profusely and we cleaned the oil and pesto off and hung it up. She said she thought it would be OK it just needed to dry. I asked if there was anything I could do, and she said no, not a big deal.

The other day I was talking to another friend who mentioned how I had destroyed one of this girl's paintings (not a sketch, a completed painting which she would sell and was now totally unsaleable.) She also said I had spilt food all over it.

I know it is her work and my original actions were careless and unacceptable, but why did she say it was OK if it wasn't? And why is she now telling people I destroyed a completed painting?

I want to confront her, nicely, but ask why she's saying this, but the mutual friend told me not to, and said the artist girl had told her this in confidence. Would I be unreasonable to ask her for coffee and a chat anyway?

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 18/04/2016 11:50

It may be that it is the mutual friend who is being a shit stirrer and exaggerating what she has been told to wind you up. The fact that she has told you not to speak to the artist directly makes me very suspicious of mutual friend's motives.

TBH I'd speak to the artist, tell her you have heard that she is really unhappy and that the piece of work was more valuable than you had initially assumed. Check that she really is OK and there is nothing you can do to offer recompense.

Arfarfanarf · 18/04/2016 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crispbutty · 18/04/2016 11:52

I agree with Perspicacia. The mutual friend doesnt want you to speak to the artist because she is about to get caught out shit stirring..

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 18/04/2016 11:53

Thanks Perspicacia (how are you by the way? I was meaning to message you again after I saw rheumy)

I want to raise it with the artist and offer her recompense, but the mutual friend has specifically asked me not to and said it was told her in confidence. I was a bit surprised when she told me, but I thought it was out of concern?

OP posts:
Lucked · 18/04/2016 11:54

Are you sure she doesn't ever sell sketches?

Do you ever meet up in a group? If so I would leave it till then and then tell the story again as above, explaining how sorry you were that you ruined a sketch. Give details of what it was a sketch of too and finish with a thank goodness it wasn't a painting.

YvaineStormhold · 18/04/2016 11:54

She's shit stirring.

Catch her out. It will be very satisfying.

curren · 18/04/2016 11:56

In all probability she may have Exaggerated a little and the mutual friend has exaggerated even more.

I would just leave it

PerspicaciaTick · 18/04/2016 11:57

Hello! Hope the rheumy was helpful - drop me a PM if you fancy giving me an update.

It just seems a really odd thing to tell someone "in confidence". Something doesn't ring true and at the moment it is damaging two friendships and I can only see it festering if you don't say anything.

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 18/04/2016 11:57

arfarg I don't know. I would just like to speak to her. She is a worrier but I have never seen her do anything malicious before, so I am confused. (have known her years.)

Maybe there is a way I can raise it with her without raising mutual friend. I don't know.

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 18/04/2016 11:59

If she was told this in confidence then why did she say it to you?
I'd contact artist, say you have heard from friend that the sketch was valuable and couldn't be recovered and offer to pay her for it. You were really careless putting your bag on top of her artwork and you should pay for it.

RaeSkywalker · 18/04/2016 11:59

I'd say "X has told me I've ruined something you wanted to sell by dropping food all over it. I'm so sorry, I got the impression at the time that you thought it would be ok?"

Or something along those lines. I'd also wait for a group setting I think.

Catmuffin · 18/04/2016 11:59

You don't need to mention the friend spoke to you. Just say "I've been thinking i probably lost you a sale and I'd like to give you some money to make up for it."

RaeSkywalker · 18/04/2016 12:00

I'd also offer to compensate her.

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 18/04/2016 12:00

Thank you perspicacia, I will message tonight when I have my letters in front of me (they have the jargon in.)

I think perhaps it is a matter of exaggeration, then further exaggeration then it snowballed. I might speak with mutual friend again and just ask her to clarify that was definitely whaht was said

OP posts:
RudeElf · 18/04/2016 12:00

Mutual friend is shit stirring. Otherwise why come to you to tell you what was told in confidence? Think about it.

notquitegrownup2 · 18/04/2016 12:00

You should be able to check online whether she sells her sketches, and how much she charges. If she does, I woud get in touch with her independently and say that you are still feeling awful about it, and you would like to recompense her for the damage, and see what she says. No need to mention the other friend at all.

Micah · 18/04/2016 12:02

You could just bring it up

"it's been really bothering me, i know how much time and effort goes into even a sketch- i know i can't replace it but maybe i could buy it off you? I still think it's amazing even with a bit of pasta sauce, id frame it and have a great story about how i got an original piece of artwork"...

Original poster
travellinghopefully12 · 18/04/2016 12:03

Micah that actually sounds like a genius solution, I think I'll do that. Thank you!

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 18/04/2016 12:05

I'd agree with buying it, I would probably say what rae suggested as I think the mutual friend is shit stirring.

Catmuffin · 18/04/2016 12:07

Good idea. Hopefully she hasn't ditched it.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/04/2016 12:10

It's like Chinese whispers unless you speak directly to the artist. I would just get back to her. Say you are still troubled by your blunder and want to know if she initially made light of the sketch being damaged to spare your feelings.

If you raised the topic and mutual friend blabbed, or if mutual friend deliberately brought up the incident, it's too bad now if mutual friend worries about you approaching the artist on the matter.

angielou123 · 18/04/2016 12:11

Some people have to dramatise stuff just to have something to moan about. I wouldn't give it another thought. If she wasn't bothered enough to moan about it at the time, she's just shit stirring for some attention. Bless her (sarcastically).

AugustaFinkNottle · 18/04/2016 12:18

I don't see why you shouldn't tell her that mutual friend told you about it. You didn't agree that anything was in confidence, and it's not your problem if mutual friend went against her agreement with the artist.

Before jumping in with offers of compensation, are you sure she isn't insured for damage to her paintings?

AppleSetsSail · 18/04/2016 12:18

It could also be the case that the artist is passive-aggressive or non-confrontational and didn't fully express how upset she was.

Magicpaintbrush · 18/04/2016 12:21

This is very odd. She must have mentioned it to the other friend for her to have known but I think the only way to find out which one of them is exaggerating is to ask her.

I'm an illustrator and if somebody had put their bag on my desk near to my work I would have moved it, so I would say your friend is partly to blame for not protecting her work (unless she didn't notice your bag was there). I would also say that sometimes sketches are not the easy part of the work that some people might assume, I actually find that stage more difficult than the painting part, and would be pretty upset if somebody ruined one of mine - however if it was possible to recreate it quickly using a lightbox then I would do that (never quite the same though). And I think there are plenty of artists who do sell pencil sketches.

However, the actual point of all this is that it was an accident, you didn't do it on purpose and you have said how sorry you are, it was completely unintentional, and I imagine you felt bad enough already without your other friend bringing it all up again. I hope you manage to resolve this happily.