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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I did something awful but she exaggerated

39 replies

travellinghopefully12 · 18/04/2016 11:45

I'm really upset right now, but questioning whether I have a right to be.

A few weeks ago I visited one of my friends, a professional artist, in her studio. When there I put my bag on her desk, and I know this is terrible, but I had a pasta salad in it and it leaked on one of her sketches. It was a sketch not a painting, but I know it's her work. I apologised profusely and we cleaned the oil and pesto off and hung it up. She said she thought it would be OK it just needed to dry. I asked if there was anything I could do, and she said no, not a big deal.

The other day I was talking to another friend who mentioned how I had destroyed one of this girl's paintings (not a sketch, a completed painting which she would sell and was now totally unsaleable.) She also said I had spilt food all over it.

I know it is her work and my original actions were careless and unacceptable, but why did she say it was OK if it wasn't? And why is she now telling people I destroyed a completed painting?

I want to confront her, nicely, but ask why she's saying this, but the mutual friend told me not to, and said the artist girl had told her this in confidence. Would I be unreasonable to ask her for coffee and a chat anyway?

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 18/04/2016 12:40

That's a really good idea Micah.

blindsider · 18/04/2016 12:51

but the mutual friend has specifically asked me not to and said it was told her in confidence

Ha Ha

I can keep a secret it's my friends that can't....

Witchend · 18/04/2016 13:26

Well, lots of people would say something like that was okay when they were upset by it. I would myself, as it's not worth getting angry after it's done is it? What she shouldn't have done was complained to a friend, but we don't know how that happened.

Maybe friend came round and saw it and asked what happened or similar. So not a deliberate "look what she did" moment. or she asked about the sketch she'd seen her working on type thing.
There's every chance that the original friend said "sketch" and the other friend interpreted it as "painting" and possibly assumed the "sell" part

Sketches do sell, I saw some being sold the other day at a place you wouldn't expect to see such things (farm park). they were going for upwards of £50, some more than £100, and people were buying them so there is a value. If it was in a sketch pad then probably not, but then it'd probably have gone through and ruined a few so I'm assuming it wasn't.

OnlyLovers · 18/04/2016 13:26

This sounds very fishy to me, and I'm inclined to think the mutual friend is the 'bad apple'.

If someone tells you something in confidence you don't tell anyone else, by definition. UNLESS you want to cause trouble.

I agree with Rae: I'd say breezily to artist friend 'Mutual friend told me I ruined a piece you wanted to sell. I'm so sorry, I got the impression at the time that you thought it would be ok.'

I might offer to buy it after this exchange, but not before; I think it would be disingenuous to suddenly offer to buy it without saying that you've heard she's upset about it.

Queenbean · 18/04/2016 13:29

Your friend is definitely the shit stirrer

Fuck all that "I'll buy it from you", just ask the artist directly why she said it was a whole finished piece when it was just a sketch

OnlyLovers · 18/04/2016 13:31

Queen, do you mean 'ask the artist directly why the artist said it was a whole finished piece'? We don't know that she did; the mutual friend may have (deliberately or not) misinterpreted.

Much safer to relay exactly what mutual friend said and let artist friend confirm or deny the words.

Yeahsure · 18/04/2016 13:34

Oh for cripes sake, don't confront the friend! Just leave it. Can't believe people on here are actually advising you to bring this up.

She said it was ok, so that's all you need to know, what she actually said to you. Maybe she was secretly more annoyed, maybe she wasn't - if she was annoyed, lucky you because she pretended she wasn't and didn't bill you or anything so she was being nice.

No good will come of carrying this on.

limitedperiodonly · 18/04/2016 13:36

You'll never get to the bottom of this. Leave it.

FujimotosElixir · 18/04/2016 13:36

I would have offered to pay her but also i would very annoyed shed been making me look bad behind my back,

Queenbean · 18/04/2016 13:37

OnlyLovers

Yes I do. And if she says "I didn't say that" the OP can say "well she told me you did but not to mention it, and is obviously a shit stirring drama queen"

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 18/04/2016 13:46

If I were the artist, I'd have told you it was fine, not to worry, since there was nothing to be done about it, and you were a friend.

I might still have been frustrated enough about the situation to have a little moan to someone else - but might not have given lots of details, just bare bones of food spilling, art damaged. The other person could easily have filled in (and then remembered it) as 'dropped food all over' and 'complete painting wrecked'. I'd probably have told them not to say anything about my little moan, as it wasn't a huge deal. But the other person might well have said something to the person who did it anyway, and then filled in more about the story, the way that happens inadvertently when people only half know details about something and kind of imagine it in a particular way. She probably shouldn't have told you, but I can see how it might have come out, either accidentally or because she is a bit nosy about things, or because she thought the artist maybe did want her to drop a little hint, or whatever. And then panicked a little when she realised that maybe she'd got it wrong, or said more than she'd really meant to.

Or the other scenarios could have happened to. Just that I can see a possible one where no-one really meant it to get so exaggerated, and nobody is really angry or upset about it - but that they could be, if it turns into a big deal.

I think offering to buy it sounds like a good solution, if you can.

whois · 18/04/2016 13:50

Yeah she prob exagerated a bit, and the shit stiring friend will have exagerated some more.

I would contact her "X has told me that the sketch was totally ruined and that it can't be rescued. I'm so sorry - I got the impression at the time that you thought it would be ok - obviously its not so can I make this up to you? Maybe I can purchase the sketch? "

DreamingofItaly · 18/04/2016 14:07

I'm with Micah, awesome idea. Tell your friend it's really bothering you and you want to invest in the sketch with your special story behind it!

OnlyLovers · 18/04/2016 15:59

I see what you mean, Queen, but starting the conversation with an assumption that the artist friend definitely said what mutual friend has told you starts it on a rather attacking footing, and might put artist friend on the defensive.

Better, I think, to say 'So, shit-stirring friend told me you said...'. Then you're not personally accusing her of saying it.

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