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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this have annoyed you?

40 replies

sizeofalentil · 17/04/2016 23:01

Just moved to a new area so DP and I registered at the local doctor.

We had our health check appointments one after another and they were carried out not by a doctor or nurse but by a Health Care Provider.

Anyway… As part of the medical history spiel I told her that I'd recently suffered a MC. She suggested, quite a few times despite my protests, that I booked in to talk to someone about it. I said no because I have a strong support group of friends and relatives and to be honest, I just want to move on. I hadn't gone there to specifically talk about the MC and told her I was obviously sad, but dealing with it. She kept going on about it and told me a lot of personal stories about her friends' experiences with mcs.

I found out afterwards that when my DP went in after me she made the connection that we were a couple and told him that she thought I should speak to someone about the mc. She also told him other (really insignificant) details about things I'd discussed with her/about my medical history. Things like what my (normal) blood pressure reading was.

Am I wrong in thinking this was actually quite out of order? She only had his word that we were a couple - he could have been my lunatic housemate or something! We're not married so don't share a surname.

Also… I really don't think she should have told him anything about my medical details/history. Or asked him to pressure me in to seeking counselling. Or actually told us personal stories about her friends' experiences.

I'm not going to put in a complaint or anything, but I was wondering if I am just overreacting to be slightly put out. DP says it's all fine as he IS my partner and he ISN'T an abusive loon or anything and I shouldn't be (even slightly) annoyed.

OP posts:
YabuDabbaDoo · 17/04/2016 23:03

No, that's not right. The HCP made too many assumptions. Let the practice know - they need to be aware, it needs addressing.

SabineUndine · 17/04/2016 23:05

YANBU. She should not be talking to him about you unless you have a joint appointment.

ifiseeonemoresock · 17/04/2016 23:05

Yes I would be annoyed if my doctor discussed my health etc with my dh. That is for me to do not them.

YouTheCat · 17/04/2016 23:05

I'd ask to talk to the practise manager. That's a serious breech. Partner or not, it's not her place to discuss your medical history with your dp.

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2016 23:06

Of course she was in the wrong and you should make a complaint. She could have told him something that you really didn't want him to know. She needs to be pulled up on it before she makes things really bad for someone.

JuxtapositionRecords · 17/04/2016 23:06

Absolutely not fine of her to do this. I would consider a complaint to be honest as this is very unprofessional.

Itinerary · 17/04/2016 23:07

YANBU. They should keep your information private.

What is a Health Care Provider?

Original poster
sizeofalentil · 17/04/2016 23:08

Thanks for your replies. I mean, it was fine for me - he already knows who in my family has had cancer, and that my parents are smokers etc. but I just kept thinking - what if she does this to someone else who IS trying to keep a secret from her partner? Or if she tells the next person an accidentally identifying detail about someone in an anecdotal story?

I don't want to get her in trouble though - she was really nice, and from what I've read on Mumsnet before, could result in her getting a massive telling off.

OP posts:
Gide · 17/04/2016 23:10

Bang out of order, I'd complain very strongly.

MrsSteptoe · 17/04/2016 23:11

But she needs to be trained in what she can and can't do in terms of discussing one patient's health with another patient (the answer to which is, nothing) otherwise she risks bringing a shedload of trouble on the practice. Better for everyone if you report it to the practice as an issue that clearly needs to be raised by her line manager.

RevoltingPeasant · 17/04/2016 23:12

Yes complain. Nicely but assertively.

When we moved house I changed my address with the surgery, and DH.

DH and I don't share a surname and I'm wrongly down as Miss on the GP system. I could have been anyone but they happily changed his address. Luckily I am also not a loon Grin but IME people are too ready to listen to "oh I'm X's wife".

Doinmummy · 17/04/2016 23:15

A serious breach of patient confidentiality . I often have a husband and wife come in for an examination one after the other and I'm not even allowed to mention that I've just seen their partner.

Itinerary · 17/04/2016 23:22

Better for everyone if you report it to the practice as an issue that clearly needs to be raised by her line manager.

I think so too.

Tiggywinkler · 17/04/2016 23:30

You've got to complain. What if your partner didn't know about the MC?

I'm not a HCP, but I believe that confidentiality forms an important part of training. She needs a reminder of this before she causes someone real distress.

livewyre · 17/04/2016 23:32

YANBU- what if the miscarriage wasn't his?! (Or some other Eastenders plot).

No way should she be discussing your medical details with him, no way.

Are you sure it wasn't an HCA (health care assistant)?

I would get her name, job title, and send a letter she needs retraining.

Original poster
sizeofalentil · 17/04/2016 23:34

Agh… I know I should report this really. But, not to dripfeed here, I got the impression that she was a bit unhappy in her personal life and think that being told off at work would exasperate the situation. Also, DP thinks I'm being a cow about it.

But I really should do it just incase it bites her on the bum next time.

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 17/04/2016 23:36

YANBU and please, please make a written complaint to the practice manager. This is a really serious breach of confidentiality. You were not hurt by it, luckily, but the next person might be, and you may have the power to stop that by writing in and getting the HCP more training.

ifiseeonemoresock · 17/04/2016 23:36

I in no way work in any kind of health care. But even in my job I wouldn't discuss one client with another. It's very odd behaviour in most situations .

VocationalGoat · 17/04/2016 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sizeofalentil · 17/04/2016 23:37

YANBU- what if the miscarriage wasn't his?! (Or some other Eastenders plot).

^This was my first thought tbh. Or if I was trying to hide my family history of heart disease so that I could happily continue to eat butter and heavy cream without fear of recrimination.

Are you sure it wasn't an HCA (health care assistant)?

^ Whoops… Quite possibly… Blush. I've only ever seen doctors and nurses before and had never event heard of this role until the other day.

OP posts:
livewyre · 17/04/2016 23:38

She won't be 'told off'. It's a training issue.

SurroMummy13 · 17/04/2016 23:39

Breach of confidentiality

Report it.

livewyre · 17/04/2016 23:40

HCAs are what used to be Nursing Auxiliaries, and are sometimes called "support workers". Basically, untrained nurses. Often they weigh you, do blood pressures, and take bloods. Some are also trained to do other bits and bobs, too.

Useful people, but no nursing degree.

Original poster
sizeofalentil · 17/04/2016 23:41

I'll probably phrase it by listing all of her good points (because she was actually lovely) but say that it did concern me that she did x, y, z.

and then pray that I never have to bump in to her again because now I will feel awkward about it…

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 17/04/2016 23:41

I used to be in a very abusive relationship - if this woman had divulged my details to my then partner he's have beaten me black and blue

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