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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask dh to look after his kids one day a week?

83 replies

caitlinohara · 17/04/2016 21:24

Dh works full time and we have 3 dc's, the youngest of whom is 4. I have mostly been a SAHM but have also worked part time at times. Because of the nature of dh's job (involves travel and unpredictable hours) I can't go out to work. He has always acknowledged this and has always said he appreciates that he doesn't have to worry about who's going to pick up the kids, what happens when they are ill, etc etc.

In the last year I have been studying something which would mean ultimately that I could work from home. I use the 15 hours of nursery care to study, and we agreed that I could have Sunday daytimes as well, i.e. dh would look after the kids while I worked.

The problem is that week in week out these Sundays are a nightmare. Dh gets in a huff right from breakfast on Sunday morning and complains about every little thing, so that by the time I go up to start work everyone is already in a bad mood. I am trying to work and I can hear arguing and crying and all sorts. He complains if there isn't enough food in for lunch (shop is round the corner) and behaves generally as if the whole thing is just a drag. Final straw came today when he burst in, having taken them to the park and ds2 had lost a rucksack with dh's phone and wallet in. He was almost incoherent with panic and dumped the kids and rushed out again to look for it. I then had to deal with two hysterically crying children, ds2 weeping and saying "it's all my fault" and ds3 was crying because he had been scared by dh's handling of it. Sad It was awful.

What do I do? I can't face another Sunday like this and it's not fair on the children. It's not that he won't look after them, it's just that when he does, it ends up like this.

OP posts:
ExtraBlessings · 18/04/2016 20:20

My DH looks after our DS plenty but it still descends into carnage more frequently with me. I really think it's down to hours of experience and practice. Looking after the kids is a massive challenge and from very little to a whole day with 3 is hitting the ground running.

I entirely agree with everyone stressing leaving the building (sorry Op you have already said that that is difficult). Because it's not just your DH knows you are in close proximity. The kids too will respond accordingly (if this turns into a disaster mummy will save us).

But as I said I think it's hard to go from nothing to lots of time with the kids and lots of pps have made good suggestions about practical support. (my favourite pointer: always make sure noone, but noone, gets tired or hungry)

Good luck Op. I hope you can make it work.

44PumpLane · 18/04/2016 21:05

Noise cancelling headphones, a proper lock on the study door and a conversation about the fact you are not to be disturbed.
Pack a flask of tea and make yourself a packed lunch so you don't have to leave the study and let your husband know that unless he's saving your life you will not engage with him! Lol.

caitlinohara · 19/04/2016 10:28

Update: had good chat with dh and took Carl's line about the issue being that he didn't enjoy spending time with his kids, and I think that really resonated with him and he said he needs to plan the day better and be more in charge. He was very apologetic and even offered to let me work Saturday as well so that he could have more practise!! He also said "feel free to post on Mumsnet and tell them all I've been a twat" Grin.

Went into ds2's room yesterday evening and found dh in bed doing a puzzle book with him, so he is definitely trying to make amends.

thanks to you all for your advice, I really appreciate it Smile

OP posts:
Akire · 19/04/2016 10:34

That's fantastic!

mysteryknickers · 21/04/2016 00:10

Great result OP!

EverySongbirdSays · 21/04/2016 01:01

Great news

HelenaDove · 21/04/2016 01:19

Fab news

sykadelic · 21/04/2016 03:10

Excellent result OP!

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