In thinking about bariatric surgery?

[cheekymonk]

I am 37. Weigh 28 stone with a BMI of 58. My Mum describes me as greedy as a baby. I was noticeably overweight from age 7. I was bullied for my size in secondary school. I was size 20 at 12. I was an 18 in year 11 then got bigger, at Uni being a 26. I have tried most diets and been most successful with WEight watchers when I lost 8 stone and was my lowest weight for years at 17 stone. However we moved house, found out both DS and DD had Autism and I lost it from there so am now 28 stone. I have been going to the priory for weekly cbt sessions and whilst me eating is better I am not losing weight. I struggle to walk and am forever scared of breaking furniture. I am scared for my health. DD is 5 and DS is 11. AIBU in considering surgery? I do have a lovely DH btw.

Yes fair enough I take your point about the smokers and lung cancer thing. Cheekymonk yes I understand that - I wouldn't tell anyone in RL either if it was me because people do judge. And yes a part of me also judges - because as I said I don't understand. But then again I have weighed 8 stone since I was 18 so easy for me to say. I think it's amazing what your doing for yourself but to someone who has never allowed themselves to be fat I should probably admit that what I see as gluttony disgusts me and I would also never employ an obese person because I think it reflects weakness and lack of self discipline and motivation.

Agree with weight watchers poster. Just stop eating so much? Simply do not put the food in your mouth. The risks of the operation are massive - what if something goes wrong while you are under for the operation? I don't get how people can put their children and partners through that risk

User I have reported your gratuitously offensive post.

I hope you are a troll.

user your posts are not helpful and display a staggering lack of empathy and understanding.

Thank you for the comments, I appreciate the support. I'm feeling strong and positive so can brush off the criticism. I tried going back to WW. I'm tired of yo-yo dieting and all the bad habits I had. Now I use MyFitnessPal and there is none of that skipping breakfast to weigh than binging after weigh in mentality. I am sorting myself out and ironically with all these checks feel the most aware I've been of my health for years.

It really really depends, how bad do you want it?

MIL and both her sisters have had this surgery. They all lost weight at first.

However they are all rapidly putting it back on, it certainly isn't a cure all.

They ingest a lot of calories through alcohol, McDonald's milkshakes etc. And will often cram as much junk food as they can in, it causes them to vomit, and they start all over again.

MIL often dies thydcwhen round for dinner. If she only eats the high calorie foods that you don't need a lot if to overeat (cream, pastry etc)

MIL is losing her hair, the constant vomiting is taking a serious toll on her health but she's admitted herself she just can't stop.

Please don't think I am judging them. I need to lose weight myself, it's bloody hard and slow going for me.

But don't see this as a quick fix. If you can't use your will power now this won't magically make you healthier.

User, your post regarding gluttony/lack of self control is offensive and also wrong.

There are a lot of factors both intrinsic and extrinsic which control appetite/hunger.

As someone (claiming to be) slender and and in control of your appetite, you are disgusted at those who are not.

Your "superiority" might have nothing at all to do with your ability to control your appetite and everything to do with the fact that, actually your appetite is genetically set to a level that matches the food environment you have grown up in.

Genetics + our modern highly processed, hyper palatable food environment means many people struggle hugely to control what they eat... you are not superior to those people but you sure as hell are luckier so fuck off with your disgust and judgement.

I was unsurprised when I had genetic testing, to find I had double copies of all the genes associated with weight gain and appetite control (FTO, leptin resistance etc). Before I radically changed diet I had a bmi of 46. I was hungry all the time. However, I'd say my genes (fairly common genes by the way), are NOT to blame, it's the utter shite food we are surrounded by 24/7. Most people who are super fat these days wouldn't be fat if they'd been born 100years ago because they'd have been eating real food and plenty of natural fats, not endless amounts of insulin spiking processed carbs and sugar.

Op, I understand why you are considering the op, I thought about it too but you are essentially mutilating a normal body in ways that can cause serious long term harm. I think you should try other options first.

What worked for me (6stones off and kept off with only a few blips, for 11 years now) was a low carb, grain free diet. Honestly, if you can get through the first week or so, it will change your life. Get off that insulin rollercoaster and it becomes so much easier to control what you are eating and how much. I'd highly recommend marksdailyapple and dietdoctor (LCHF) blogs as very good starting points if you decide to give low carb eating a go.

Foggy can I ask where/how you get the genetic testing?

(Sorry for derail)

You can pay £££££ to get individual tests done, or about £120 (depending on offers) for 23andme, the raw data can then be uploaded to a number of third party sites to give you far more info than 23andme is allowed to give you. The third party sites range from free to around £25 or so ( I did it about a year ago so I shouldn't imagine the cost has changed much.

Just Google 23andme uk (assuming you are uk), test is a saliva test and the kit is mailed to you, you follow the instructions and drop the kit into any mail box. Very easy. Lots of interesting ancestry info as well as health.

User I am staggered by your rudeness, when I have been polite and candid with my experience and why I had surgery. I understand that people do make judgements about those who have bariatric surgery, and I accept that - but you asked why I had been unable to stop eating, I explained about my eating disorder, and then you made some very hurtful comments about how people like me disgust you. Would you say the same to an anorexic?

You have no idea why I developed an eating disorder and before you were so rude I may have been happy to explain that, but actually I don't think you were interested in hearing my experience (which I genuinely thought you were) but instead you just wanted to let me know how worthless a person I am in your eyes.

Your size is not important. I don't know if you mentioned it because you wanted to demonstrate your moral superiority or to just to draw a contrast between someone who needed to have surgery and someone who didn't, but you don't need to be overweight to show empathy.

Thank you to the person who congratulated me on my weightless. It has been hard to learn new habits and to get to where I am - losing the weight itself was quite easy because I can't eat, so actually my ED is in remission - I won't say cured because in my head I still really crave certain things but just can't eat them any more - but dealing with the emotional side of it has been harder than I imagined.

I have maintained my weight for the last two years and while I know I probably look saggy and ugly with my clothes off, I don't think about it and I have been able to run a 5k and walk everywhere, and even ride a bike - these are things I would never have considered before and I know my life is richer. I am grateful every day to my amazing surgeon, he was a genius.

*weight loss not weightless

Oh and user as to your point about not employing an obese person because they lack motivation - I have worked full time since leaving school at 18. I secured my first part time job at 11, had two jobs by 14 and from 18 have never had fewer than 2 jobs (one full time and at least one part time). I also volunteer, and have raised a stepson and my own son. I am an extremely work oriented person. I don't think I am alone in my work ethic, and so it makes a mockery of your rather disgraceful assumption.

I haven't read the whole of this thread, sorry it is just too many pages.

If you want to have weight loss surgery go for it, I have a friend who was over weight for many years, she couldn't afford surgery over here so she went and had it done abroad (gastric sleeve) since having it she is very happier and so much more confident in herself.

Good luck in whatever you choose

For instance my friend who had surgery feels massive regret about this - her mother was huge and always pitied her weight spiralling out of control. And she ended up having weight loss surgery in her 20s.

If only we all lived in users simple world!

My friend is very overweight user1469928875.

She was raped repeatedly when she was a child.

She used food for comfort yes but it was more than that, she was protecting herself, making herself unattractive on purpose. Almost using food to self harm if you will.

She is only just getting help for it because what a lot of people have struggled to realise is that it can be a severe mental health condition and all the will power in the world won't overcome that without treatment.

You probably would just sneer at someone like my friend though wouldn't you?

You don't come across well at all.

I agree user1469928875 is coming across as unsympathetic, sneery, insulting and massively critical of the OP and her food addiction.

Just like a huge amount of Mumsnetters come across to those with nicotine addictions.

It's nasty and unnecessary.

Take no notice OP.

Emotional issues - hormone issues / bla bla fucking bla. Everyone deals with this stuff, some people just decide not to eat their feelings

You haven't answered my question. What is your view on anorexics? You do realise that eating disorders are not actually about the food, they are about control? You are right. Not everyone eats their feelings. Some don't eat at all. Some drink. Some take drugs. Some cut themselves.

At no point in any of my posts did I say I ate healthily before surgery. I didn't. I ate and ate and ate. Your friend may have massive regret for her surgery. I don't. I wonder if she regrets confiding in someone as judgemental as you though, because it must be really hurtful to know that your friend thinks you are lazy, unmotivated, disgusting and a glutton. I wonder why she is part of your social circle at all if she disgusts you so much.

user you are showing your total lack of empathy again and your stupidity. If it was as simple as just eating less then people would be able to lose weight easily and no one would be obese for very long. Clearly someone who is obese has issues that prevent them from "just eating less". You don't have to be a genius to work that out.

Just stop eating so much? Simply do not put the food in your mouth

I really don't understand how you can be so heartless and say something like that. If it was that easy nobody would be overweight.

Go for the surgery, OP. It seems to be the answer for many people. Good luck.

Are you enjoying yourself, userlotsofnumbers?
Hmmmm

It looks as if she is...

Really horrible comments!