To be angry HR made this (relatively minor) assumption?

[SpaceCadet4000]

My DH and I got married last August. I made the decision to keep my surname and continue to use the title Ms. I don't mind if other people choose to change their name, but I personally am uncomfortable with the historical and gendered connotations of name changing. This have never been an issue- I just select the Ms box when filling in forms, and I don't shout about it to other people.

However, I have recently started a new job. On my second day I went for my induction with HR where they collected details about my next of kin (mentioned it was my husband as they needed the relationship stated), whether I wanted a pension, my NI number etc. All fairly innocuous, and actually very little form filling on my part, and certainly no disclosure of my title.

As I joined close to payday I received my pay check late through the post- it's addressed to Mrs Space Cadet. This suggests that the HR advisor has clearly assumed I'm a Mrs based on our conversation.

It's minor, and I assume fairly quick to rectify, but I feel really angry that someone else has made this decision about me. I'm no special snowflake, but I'm dismayed that my identity has been so casually undermined. The office culture is fairly conservative, so I also feel like I'll be judged as an SJW for asking for it to be changed.

AIBU to just email them and ask for it to be changed?

[Floggingmolly]

True...

[Debsie123]

Perhaps because you didn't tell them anything different and you mentioned your Husband they did make the assumption that your title would be Mrs, which I think is a natural assumption as a majority of married women do take the Mrs title. It doesn't sound like you make it clear that you were a Ms? I'm sure if you email the HR Department and ask them to ensure payroll are aware they will do this for you. Pity that you are making assumptions yourself that there is ingrained sexism and that the HR Advisor was trying to undermine your identity when I'm sure it was just an honest mistake on their behalf.

[HarlotBronte]

Pity that you're making the assumption something can't be both an honest mistake and related to ingrained sexism. They're not mutually exclusive...

[ElanoraHeights]

Yes, HarlotBronte - very well put.

[MissSeventies]

OP I don't think you are being a 'special snowflake' you have chosen to use Ms as your title and that should be respected. I didn't change my name on marriage (my FIL stormed out of our house when I told him this in response to a comment "next time I see you it will be your last few minutes as MyName" he said there was no point in getting married, but that is another long story!) a few months later my driving license came up for renewal. I duly filled in the form, changing the title to Ms. The license was returned with 'Miss' on it.

[EBearhug]

I have flown out of Gatwick today. I had hold luggage, so had to check it in. You do it yourself these days (which was new to me.) There's a terminal where you scan your boarding pass, and it prints the labels. On the screen, it said Mrs Emma Bearhug*. That was odd - I have never ever filled our a form as Mrs. It printed the labels and the receipt with Ms (which is what I expected, as it's how I filled in the booking form.) It's a weird lack of consistency.

• Actually, I used the surname in my passport, which isn't Bearhug.