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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not tell people about appointment?

28 replies

Faye12345 · 15/04/2016 21:52

I need to go to a fertility clinic next week. Dh and i have decided not to tell anyone. Well one friend of mine knows but ive kind of brushed it off. Aibu to not want peoples support??

OP posts:
Jojoriley · 15/04/2016 21:54

You are wise. If you tell then people will ask you about it and this will start to be really intrusive. It's private kept it that way.

enchantedfairytale · 15/04/2016 21:54

It's a hugely personal matter Faye and I think you're being reasonable if that's definitely what you want Flowers

I really hope it goes well for you.

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2016 21:55

What support do you actually need?

FuckThisShitYeah · 15/04/2016 21:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
Faye12345 · 15/04/2016 21:56

Flogging going to a fertility clinic and struggling ttc is very upsetting

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 15/04/2016 22:00

Sorry, yes of course it is Flowers. What level of support do you envision though, beyond the "any news yet?" or tales of how their friend just relaxed and it happened all by itself?
I'm not trying to sound nasty; you might just open yourselves up to a whole lot of attention you don't necessarily want.

Original poster
Faye12345 · 15/04/2016 22:02

Thats why i dont think we should tell people. I know close friends and big mouth mother will be disappointed if they found out we didnt tell them. I can see this going on for a looooong time and the questions why we dont have kids will get more and more common

OP posts:
Poikjhvcx · 15/04/2016 22:09

I think it's sensible not to tell people unless you come to a point where you change your mind. I don't go on the TTC Mumsnet threads but maybe that we'd be a good place to go if you need a rant or hug or whatever. Hopefully your DH and you will be able to support each other.

I hope everything goes well Thanks

ellesbellesxxx · 15/04/2016 22:10

we are in a similar boat to you and a few people know... People we can be open with, who will be supportive, encouraging and be a shoulder to cry on. However, it's not common knowledge... Molly is quite right in that people think "relaxing" will solve it... Hmm yes I appreciate some people then do manage to conceive but that attitude belittles medical issues that cause infertility.
Wishing you all the best for your appointment xxx

Muskateersmummy · 15/04/2016 22:11

It's very personal. For me I needed to have told someone, I needed someone other than dh to hold me hand. Someone to vent to. I made friends with others in the same boat and that helped a lot. But I couldn't have got through it without my family knowing.

However I also know many people who have kept it completely between them and their dh. Do what's best for you.

Good luck for your appointment Flowers

Queenie73 · 15/04/2016 22:17

It's totally reasonable to do what feels best for you. Good luck, I hope it all goes well for you.

oldlaundbooth · 15/04/2016 22:18

They don't need to know.

Your fertility, your business.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 15/04/2016 22:21

OP you are being totally reasonable to do whatever you feel comfortable with. I think if I was going through fertility treatment I would keep it just between Dh and me.

PurpleDaisies · 15/04/2016 22:21

I talk to one person apart from dh and that's it. All other conversations get shit down with "that's an incredibly personal question you've just asked-I'm not going to discuss that now".

Really good luck. It's a rubbish situation to be in. Do whatever you need to to cope. No judgement from me. Flowers

CakeNinja · 15/04/2016 22:22

Why would you tell anyone? Confused
Personal private information really doesn't need publicising.

PurpleDaisies · 15/04/2016 22:22

"Shit down"? Freudian slip there...

Whitedoor · 15/04/2016 22:23

Didn't tell anyone and it was the right decision for me. I'm afraid when things didn't go well it was a relief not to have anyone to 'update'. I didn't want the pressure. Fertilityfriends uk website is great for finding anonymous support from others going through the same thing. You may find there is a board for your specific clinic, which is beyond helpful as they all vary in protocols etc so people really understand what you are going through and can answer questions.

Salfordlass · 15/04/2016 22:27

I'm a private person and wouldn't tell anyone either. I didn't even tell anyone when I got married, just dropped it into conversation about 6 months after it happened when it came up! I'm very secure in my decision to keep things I want private, private and u should be too x

justkeepongoing · 15/04/2016 22:32

First cycle of IVF I told pp.
Our second cycle we told no one and this seemed to take the pressure off us. We announced our pregnancy and everyone was delighted and understood why we'd kept quiet.
For you Flowers

ceeveebee · 15/04/2016 22:33

We didn't tell anyone until a couple of years in, when we were starting IVF, and then it was only very close family (parents and sister). Best of luck Flowers

waitingimpatient · 15/04/2016 22:35

In my experience it is better to keep it quiet. Even if you have the most supportive family and friends there will still be an element of 'any news yet?' And it gets very awkward

I hope your appt goes well and come over to the infertility board if you need to talk. I've had amazing support there x

lborolass · 15/04/2016 22:43

I'm not sure why you need to ask this.

No one is under any obligation to tell any one else anything and especially medical information why do you think you should be telling people?

Good luck with the treatment

Coldtoeswarmheart · 15/04/2016 22:44

I am very private and would tell noone. It's your choice.

MadamDeathstare · 15/04/2016 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GarkandGookin · 15/04/2016 22:48

Unless you want waves of ' if you relax it will happen/have you tried eating this or that/we fell pregnant at the first attempt' etc, or the absolute worst 'oh well, you could always just adopt' then no, keep it private (been there, heard them all)