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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

prizes at school driving me mad

81 replies

80schild · 15/04/2016 18:31

This is the first time I have posted about a matter as sensitive as this but here goes. In the past at DC school they have quite frequently asked for things like treasure maps, castles to be made and it is quite obvious that some of the kids get their parents to do it for them - usually it doesn't bother me. However, recently it was announced there was an egg decorating competition. DS, only having just turned 7, spent ages on his. It smudged a bit but I was really impressed by his effort. I took his entry in today and lo and behold there was a splendid array of entries that had clearly been done by parents.

I need to get perspective on this because it is winding me up. I am trying to teach my child the value of doing things for himself but all I know for sure is that the reward won't be his (at least for the next few years). I want to know what other people think about this sort of thing - I am losing all perspective over it.

OP posts:

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 16/04/2016 10:08

My dd's preschool had them decorate a picture of an egg. My dd spent ages (over 4 hours in total) carefully painting, sticking, colouring and writing on it. I sat in the corner and made sure she didn't paint the wall or run with scissors. She was so proud when she took it in. Stuck up on the wall were intricate, sparkly princess eggs decorated with dresses cut out of fabric and sewed together and crowns made out of foil all perfectly shaped. There were eggs with marble effect paint and eggs with perfect artistic representations of chicks etc. Her little face fell. They had the headteacher from the attached primary come and judge and dd won. They told me after they could tell she'd done it all herself and that she was so proud when she had described exactly how she had done it.

I was very impressed that they'd obviously given prizes for the ones who had done their own work and it leaves me hopeful for when she starts school next year

Scooterloo · 16/04/2016 10:09

DP gets furious about this. I end up making the stuff with DD helping. It takes ages and often it is tedious, then he'll tell her what a wonderful job she did.

A couple of times we have won prizes. I know these things work and it was nice for DD.

However, another child (ie, her mum!) has won a few things. When it comes up in the newsletter, he gets all 'Oh ...... won again did she, all sarky, making derogatory comments about the mum making her stuff. I point out I made all the stuff when DD won, but he clings to this double standard. OK for his own, but not for anybody else.

I would be better if it was the child's work, but in our school, it isn't.

I think its worse when homework is make a space ship / art scene type thing, as the age they want it for 5/6, it has to be the parents who did it mostly and what about those who work all week? Its not homework for the parents is it!!!

IrregularCommentary · 16/04/2016 10:10

I feel your pain Molecule. I remember in yr6, I was winning the egg and spoon race. Crap at sports generally, but I have a steady hand so was really chuffed to finally be winning something!

Naughty class kid runs past me, blatantly holding his egg onto the spoon and wins. School gave him 1st place badge instead of me.

I'm 31 and this still stands out as one of life's great injustices!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/04/2016 10:14

Same with 'projects' - the pushy parents do most of them. I used to work in a library with primary schools close by, and we soon knew when a project was on the go, since the first eagle-eyed mothers would be in, trying to take every single book on whatever it was - we had a fantastic children's library - one took 8, all saying much the same things, to stop anyone else getting them. In the end we restricted them to 3.

Having said that, I was once guilty of staying up late to colour in a woodpecker for dd's 'birds' project. And I once finished dd's cookery apron - she loathed sewing - the exact same cookery apron I had made at school at 11. So having done my best - I am not bad at sewing - I wasn't overjoyed to get C + - 'neatness and accuracy are 2 skills which you must practice' (sic). I thought it big of me not to point out that she could do with a bit of practiss with her speling.

Woodhill · 16/04/2016 10:23

cookery apron - wasn't a gingham checked one was it? I remember making one of those.

Yes, it should be the children's work. I can't say I've ever rushed to the library to grab books for projects.

Pico2 · 16/04/2016 10:44

It's really sad that this is still a thing. When I was in junior school there was an art competition every year. I made my own entries for the first year and when my mum went along to the exhibition, she realised that the winning entries were all parent made. She took an attitude of 'if you can't beat them, join them' and I acted as the creative director in subsequent years with her turning my ideas into beautiful works of art (I also helped where I could). I won a few prizes every year after that. I really don't want to be doing the same for my DDs.

Higge · 16/04/2016 10:46

And one of my dcs recieved a breaktime detention for an arty homework not being good enough - that required a word in the NQT's ear about where the effort from the rest of the class was coming from and had that Teacher known my ds for longer than one day she'd have known that he had put in the effort - he just wasn't very good at art and pen control due to hypermobility issues in his fingers.

LindorBunny · 16/04/2016 12:23

God, I made a gingham apron as well. I say made, I don't believe I ever finished it.

LindorBunny · 16/04/2016 12:25

Actually I think I refused to finish it in protest that only the girls had to make aprons, the boys got to do woodwork. Clearly nails can only be hammered in with a penis.

GoEasyPudding · 16/04/2016 13:55

When i was 7 or so we were asked to make xmas decs for a school project. I did my best with very limited resources and no help. The teacher tore a strip off me in front of the class for not making enough effort and sent back my decorated loo roll candles for me to take home and try again.

Everyone else had had parental input and there were some extravagant wood work type creations made by dads. I was devasated.

My Mum went to woolworths and bought some decorations sent them in with me still in their wrappings and in the carrier bag. Hoping she sent a pissy note in with it too. It remains my main memory of that class, what a horrible teacher. It was the early 80's though and as they were still hitting us back then I guess it could have been a lot worse.

AugustaFinkNottle · 16/04/2016 14:42

I too made the awful gingham apron. In my case, my mother, who was really rather good at sewing, did large proportions of the work. She was deeply unimpressed when the teacher criticised her gathering stitches, and went to all the trouble to send in copies of pages from a couple of books showing what the recommended technique and length of stitch was. It did shut the teacher up quite satisfactorily, I must say.

Catmuffin · 16/04/2016 14:47

We made a royal blue gingham apron for home economics and I remember my best friend helping me finish mine at her house as she could work a sewing machine.

PirateSmile · 16/04/2016 14:54

At my DC's school they were asked to make a 'robot.' DS made one with an air freshener for a head. Another boy's had moving parts and flashing lights as eyes. They were eight.

MabelSideswipe · 16/04/2016 15:03

I learnt my lesson when I 'supervised' the project to make a 17th century house and I did a proper wooden one with lolly sticks and paint. It took hours. The teacher then used it as part of the recreation of the great fire of London and burnt it.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 16/04/2016 15:08

The school where I work has a strict (if unmentioned) policy of only 'child's own work' being eligible to win competitions. I vividly remember a foundation phase 'make a rocket' contest for fireworks night. A 5 year old brought in (well, his Dad did; he couldn't lift it himself) a beautiful and elaborate model three time his height with LEDs representing flames. Much hilarity in the staffroom from that one!!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 16/04/2016 15:10

Needless to say, it didn't win and the parents had faces like slapped arses

DanyellasDonkey · 16/04/2016 15:20

We used to have the same at our school. It was solved by having a craft afternoon especially for making the decorated eggs. Kids brought in all they needed to make their creations and had the whole afternoon to make them.

Easy solution and all entries were obviously made by the kids. A bit of moaning by some parents (the ones who made their little darlings' entries) but working well a few years down the line.

AnotherUsernameBitesTheDust · 16/04/2016 15:24

Unfortunately for my children I have absolutely no artistic talent. That means that even when I do help them with their projects it still looks like they've done it themselves. In fact my 11 yo is quite an artist so has been doing his own thing for years - wouldn't want me to ruin it!

Although I do remind them I have a GCSE in Art (I got an F!)

ABetaDad1 · 16/04/2016 15:29

This problem is easily resolved at our DSs school.

Prizes are just given to the children of teachers. There are a significant number of children with parents as teachers (private day school) and the correlation at the end of the year between those that get prizes and who have teacher parents is a standing joke.

Indeed our DSs say that children with a parent who is a teacher never get disciplined either. Our DSs say they have a 'force field' around them that means they never get detention or told off for really bad behaviour.

ComfortingKormaBalls · 16/04/2016 16:15

Arrhh yes. Primary school prizes and awards.

Always the same 5 or so children who win everything and are chosen for lead roles in any play.

1 will be the child of a Teacher
1 will be the child of a Governor
1 will be the child of a parent who plays football with the HT
1 will be a favourite.
1 will be 'popular'.

LyndaNotLinda · 16/04/2016 16:51

And you're paying for that ABetaDad?

PirateSmile · 16/04/2016 16:53

Bloody hell Mabel That's awful but hilarious

TheSolitaryWanderer · 16/04/2016 17:08

'And you're paying for that ABetaDad?'

Of course. His sons might as well learn the benefits of having power and misusing it before they join the Old Boys Network. It's a practical example of nepotism and favouritism in action.

PurpleAlerts · 16/04/2016 17:21

Thankfully my DDs school used to make a special point of choosing the entries which were very obviously done by a child. One year I remember the Easter bonnet competition entries for some children were out of this world- elaborate nests with faberge like decorated eggs in...

DDs was a basic crown type affair which she had decorated with cardboard cut out eggs and chicks, plaited pipe cleaners and lots of beads from a craft set she had. All her own work and she won!!!

I can remember the looks on some of the tiger mums' faces when she went up to receive her prize in the assembly after th parade!

bloodyteenagers · 16/04/2016 17:26

We had a temp head teacher whilst a permanent replacement could be found. So first comp he ran it was obvious parents were too involved.
Second comp and letters reminding that it's the children's work.
Third comp (all three big events but this one in particular is huge and links in with a massive event to raise the school a lot of cash).
So towards the end of this event, as usual they do awards for the kids work. so he did the prizes for each year. Lots of murmuring because it was obvious the kids who had done theirs was getting the prizes. He then announces and this year I have decided to introduce a special award. Seems to be a waste that parents have completed the work and not got an award. Shocked silence.
It was ridiculously obvious this child hadn't don't it. Year one had done a fully working to scale model of the tower bridge including ships moving. Yes it was awesome but not from a 5/6 year old.
So dad gets up, embarrassed saying it wasn't him. Eldest child stands up and says congratulations dad. About time you got recognition for all the years you did all the work

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