Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

prizes at school driving me mad

81 replies

80schild · 15/04/2016 18:31

This is the first time I have posted about a matter as sensitive as this but here goes. In the past at DC school they have quite frequently asked for things like treasure maps, castles to be made and it is quite obvious that some of the kids get their parents to do it for them - usually it doesn't bother me. However, recently it was announced there was an egg decorating competition. DS, only having just turned 7, spent ages on his. It smudged a bit but I was really impressed by his effort. I took his entry in today and lo and behold there was a splendid array of entries that had clearly been done by parents.

I need to get perspective on this because it is winding me up. I am trying to teach my child the value of doing things for himself but all I know for sure is that the reward won't be his (at least for the next few years). I want to know what other people think about this sort of thing - I am losing all perspective over it.

OP posts:
Catmuffin · 16/04/2016 08:04

My favourite example of this was this Taj Mahal made by a 5 year old
cardsandschoolprojects.blogspot.co.uk/2011/02/taj-mahal-model.html?m=1

TheSolitaryWanderer · 16/04/2016 08:09

Even if you add a message to the activity, stating that it should be the child's own work, so many parents just can't help themselves. It's hysterical really.
Why do they do it? It's ridiculous and blatant
Definition: done openly and unashamedly.
synonyms:flagrant, glaring, obvious, undisguised, unconcealed, overt, open, transparent, patent, evident, manifest, palpable, unmistakable; More
completely lacking in subtlety; very obvious.

All that and yet adults still ponce around with their child's 'creation'

CallarMorvern · 16/04/2016 08:16

My DD is really, really good at this type of thing, I never help her. She never gets prizes as they never pick the good entries, I assume to discourage parents doing the childs for them. She gets upset about it and now thinks the less effort you put in, the more likely you will win...meh.
I really think part of the problem is schools setting projects that a 6yr ( for example) would struggle with, so patents feel obliged to help lots.

LyndaNotLinda · 16/04/2016 08:16

I always say 'hasn't Harry's* mummy done a good job?' to DS in a loud voice. I'm sure Harry's mummy hates me for it but I don't really care

*not the child's real name

Catmuffin · 16/04/2016 08:17

At my dd's school (secondary) for the DT project there is a space where the parent writes how much they helped. The school could introduce that. I like what someone posted higher up about the head saying if your parents try and help tell them no. The thing someone said about the child being allowed to put the spots on and the parent moving them into the right place was a bit Sad

ParanoidGynodroid · 16/04/2016 08:19

Our school gave a prize to the best easter bonnet and they were always obviously parent made. I made DS a fantastic one this year and was smugly awaiting my prize at the end, but they'd given up on awarding prizes Grin
Worse, they used to have a costume prize for the Charlie's Aunt race at sports day. Some VIP was invited to choose the winner out of the fabulous entries, and chose... a hired costume!

Catmuffin · 16/04/2016 08:24

What is a Charlie's Aunt race?

Higge · 16/04/2016 08:44

I feel sorry for the kids whose parents take over - they send their dcs the message that their work is not good enough....their parents don't think they can do it. Talk to your ds about how some other children have managed to create the exceptional pieces of work - mention no names but remind your ds the value of doing it himself. I also attempted to downplay the value of other people's opinion about your work - love what you create - other people's rubber stamping changes nothing.

loosechange · 16/04/2016 08:53

This annoys me too, mainly because my children get disappointed. This year I told them some parents help, but as the categories are by class I didn't agree with that so they needed to do their own, but they didn't have to enter if they didn't want to.

They chose to enter, smallest DC is in reception, took one look at the entries and sadly announced he wasn't going to win. We had Easter cakes as a treat for good effort and they enjoyed that.

One of the schools has a entry per class and a family entry, I thought that was a great idea.

Molecule · 16/04/2016 08:56

This has always gone on. I was good at art, pretty much the best in the class, the only thing I was any good at. There was a Christmas card competition at school so I made a real effort. Proudly put mine on the table only to see Seleena's wonderful effort. Black paper with a perfectly cut out stained glass window each pane backed by a different coloured piece of glassine paper. This from a child who could barely draw two lines. Seleena won. Can you tell it still rankles 48 years on?

I ended up in the same industry as Seleena's father. I was once asked by a factory owner what I thought of him, as he was having various problems and I was able to repeat this story. Factory owner thought it summed up the man perfectly.

I think it's the mark of a weak school when they do this. It must be glaringly obvious which are the children's efforts.

Aussieinsurrey2016 · 16/04/2016 09:04

My DD old school never let them do any project as the were so sick of seeing all the parents work!
Now she is seniors it is very obvious which children have never done their own work or projects. They really struggle. You are doing the right thing, continue letting DS do his own work, it is they way they learn. Maybe a email to the head teacher.... It annoying but at least you know in the long run, you child will be better off.

Mistigri · 16/04/2016 09:11

It must be glaringly obvious which are the children's efforts

I'm sure it usually is, but not always.

A FB friend just posted a photo of a manga-style drawing that her DD had done. Her DD must be Y3 or 4-ish, but if you'd told me an adult had drawn it I would have believed you. (Not sure I could do better and I went to art school!)

The best thing is to not make it competitive, or to have a few different categories carefully framed so there isn't much incentive for parents to cheat.

MrsHathaway · 16/04/2016 09:23

I'll be judging a similar competition in a few days and have done so previously (PTA hat).

It's actually really hard.

We don't tend to get obvious parent entries, so it's just choosing from lots of equally charming efforts made by children. Judging blind yields one result; having names visible so you can see that that wobbly one was done by a child in a plaster cast yields another.

We've never been nudged to favour a particular child.

mummymeister · 16/04/2016 09:27

throughout the whole of infant and junior none of mine ever won any prizes for anything because I insisted it was their own work and not mine.

those same kids who have the "mummy do" attitude at lower school are the ones in senior school who have struggled to be organised because our senior schools are pretty hot on making sure that its the students work not mummy or daddy's.

it might be a bit shit when they are young but it will pay dividends later on.

TheSolitaryWanderer · 16/04/2016 09:29

Some children are incredibly talented, but a teacher who can identify children's work by the handwriting and drawings by the style will have a pretty good idea of who did the work.

Original poster
80schild · 16/04/2016 09:31

I have told DC already he won't win. What I am finding particularly amusing now is all the photos on Facebook of parents "helping" DCs. If one of those kids wins I shall be taking photographic evidence to the teacher.

OP posts:
toobreathless · 16/04/2016 09:34

My 4yo DD won this year. School did a special thing about Tim Leake and she wanted to do 'a planet'

She painted an egg box blue and flicked silver paint at it & stuck stars on. Then I melt wax crayons into yoghurt pots and poured over egg to get Jupiter. I just made sure she didn't burn herself. Wax crayon idea was mine.

So a team effort really and looked brilliant bit she did actually make it.

toobreathless · 16/04/2016 09:35

Sorry SHE poured the wax over not me.

glasg0wmum · 16/04/2016 09:35

We don't have competitions like this but regularly are asked for "project work" such as make a Victorian room out of a shoebox, or make a collage of an Egyptian, and last year we had to make a Viking longhouse. My child was 6. I did help a lot with suggestions and the fiddly things he just couldn't manage, but he did the painting, the making the stupid bed out of boxes and covering it with fabric and trying to suspend the bloody cooking pot from the ceiling.

One child - whose parent is an architect - turned up with a longhouse with a roof with beams, trusses and perfect architecture made from lolly sticks, real grass covering the roof and electrical wiring so when you flicked a hidden switch the firepit flickered!! Cue much rolling of eyes from other parents but the teachers loved it as they display them all on the wall and it looks good in photos.

MidniteScribbler · 16/04/2016 09:37

This is why anything like this I get the children to make in class. I ask parents to send in certain materials (and usually supplement it with items that I buy or source) and gets the kids to do it as part of class time. No parent made items :)

SuburbanRhonda · 16/04/2016 09:44

Wax crayon idea was mine

So you were happy for your ideas to help her win the prize ? Hmm

TheWordOfBagheera · 16/04/2016 09:51

I would always spend a very long time and huge amounts of effort on art and craft work for school as I really loved that sort of thing. I was pretty good and the finished product would tend be one of the best.

But I never won anything at school, and remember feeling bemused time and time again when sometimes really quite rubbish looking things would take all the prizes. My mum would too.

Reading this, I can only assume all the teachers thought my mum had done it for me!

LindorBunny · 16/04/2016 09:52

That Taj Mahal model is ridiculous.

I do help a bit, but more by doing the hot glue etc. Dc has some fab ideas, but still needs a bit of help to do things. Prizes for projects clearly completed by adults are unacceptable.

kesstrel · 16/04/2016 09:52

I think one source of this problem is schools giving "projects" of various sorts that are simply too difficult for the age group involved. Certainly that has been my experience. If parents' experience is that they are required to be involved in some projects, then it's not surprising that they will also get involved in others where this is less appropriate.

Witchend · 16/04/2016 09:55

When I was at school they had an egg competition and divided the entries into parent made and child made by their guess.
Mine was put into the wrong category. I has had the idea (a daffodil) and did it all entirely myself.

Luckily for me when we were sent to look at the display the head was standing near, and I said to him that I couldn't see mine. He was a lovely chap and believed me so moved it into the correct category. I was 7yo.

I was also accused in a village competition of having had an adult make my entry to a soft toy competition when I was 12yo. Again it had all been my own work.

I'm not particularly artistic, but quite good at ideas that are within my level but look better iyswim. But my point is that you can't always tell- yes there will be some that are obvious both ways, but if you just discount any you decide are adult made then you may be wrong.