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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be proud of myself

27 replies

Icklepickle101 · 15/04/2016 17:23

13 week old DS is still exclusively breastfed, an achivement I was incredibly proud of. He had a tt which wasn't diagnosed until 5 weeks and still hasn't been snipped and so at one point my nipples were so cracked DS would have blood round his mouth where they had bled so much, I cried through every feed for at least 2 weeks and he fed every 45 minutes. But I was so determined to keep going because I knew it should get easier and I wanted to give my baby the best immune system I could. No one seems to appreciate how difficult it was for me to keep going and I have constant battles with my mil and other family members who all are trying to push me down the formula route. DS has gone from 25th to 98th centile so is thriving and happy but mil insists if I wanted what was best for my baby I would give him formula. I just don't think she appreciates how bloody hard it has been for me to feed him exclusively for 13.

Sorry for ranty post she just text me saying "I've bought bottles and formula ready for you, for when you finally see sense and do what's right for your baby"

Aibu to be bloody proud of myself for breastfeeding this long and give mil a slap

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/04/2016 17:26

You should be proud :o is your oh supportive because the message from your mil is awful
Flowers

Fishface77 · 15/04/2016 17:28

Text her back saying "and I've bought you a gobstopper to put in your mouth."
Seriously well done.
Second mother in law and breast feeding thread today. Maybe you and other op could pass each other your Mils' numbers and they could become lifelong friends and slag of their dil's for evermore! The start of a beautiful friendship based on their evil breast feeding do gooding dil's!

Fluffyears · 15/04/2016 17:30

What's best for a baby is human milk so tell her where to stick her bottles. Be careful she doesn't try to sneakily feed the baby formula behind your back.

Want2bSupermum · 15/04/2016 17:37

I've stopped BF at 2.5 weeks and had my MIL slate me for it. Can we swap?!?

Well done for continuing. I threw in the towel after DD2 needed feeding in the middle of getting the kids off to school. Dd1 was an hour late for school and her teacher sent me to the office as I was late. The staff in the office were great and gave me some chocolates to make up for the teacher being a PITA once again. Dd2 will be 3 weeks on Monday and DH is away for the week. I just couldnt face BF while being on my own like that.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 15/04/2016 17:39

I've just seen the other thread, I don't understand the obsession with formula of babies are thriving on breastmilk Hmm

Luckily my partner is supportive but he is a mummies boy so won't confront her about it! mil keeps pestering be me for a day she can look after DS when I've repeatably told her I won't be leaving him with her u top she can be trusted!!

OP posts:
babyboyHarrison · 15/04/2016 17:40

Fantastic effort. Definitely should feel very proud of yourself. I had a boy with tongue tie and feeding was horrific. I only managed about 6 weeks.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 15/04/2016 17:40

Supermum well done for getting that far, I can't imagine breastfeeding for the first few weeks while having other dc's so Flowers & Wine for you

OP posts:
Mrskeats · 15/04/2016 17:43

She really sent that? So so rude
I would send something rude back but then I'm a grumpy cow and can't bear this type of thing.
I would no way let her look after baby
Probably be on a bottle by the time you get back
And well done you for persevering it's tough

booitsme · 15/04/2016 17:50

Sounds like she sees breast feeding as getting in the way of her having baby for the day. If you used formula she could have baby! I'd tell her that even if you did switch to formula you wouldn't leave baby with her all day so stop!

Want2bSupermum · 15/04/2016 17:51

I tried pumping but I just don't have the time. I hired a lady to help me during the first 6 weeks but she quit after the 2nd day leaving me high and dry. I'm 3000+ miles from family. I booked my dad on a flight so he comes out next week. The following week at least I have my dad as a second pair of hands. DH is off again for the week.

Trying my best to find my inner supermum. It's there somewhere! In the meantime chocolate and cake are my salvation.

Absofrigginlootly · 15/04/2016 17:52

Yes you should be proud!! Well done!

My DD was TT (anterior and posterior) as well as traumatic delivery that meant she couldn't open her jaw properly..... It was hell with 24/7 cluster feeding. I fully empathise.

We're still going strong with BF at 17 months so keep going as its all about to get sooooo much easier!!

And seriously, tell your MIL to fuck off. I can't actually imagine someone saying "do what's right for your baby" in that context.
Just shut her down every time. Say "DS is thriving and we're happy with our decision, there's nothing to discuss ". Then follow it up with "I'm not discussing it"
Ever. Time.

And tell your DH to grow a pair

Narp · 15/04/2016 17:53

I don't understand how it's good for a baby for its mum to sacrifice herself to the extent she is crying through every feed for the first two weeks.

I might get a bit frustrated with you for not looking after your own wellbeing if you were my daughter.

But I'd keep my mouthy shut and my opinions to myself.

I'm glad you've got through it and your baby is thriving.

Narp · 15/04/2016 17:54

mouth not mouthy

whois · 15/04/2016 17:55

Personally I don't think that being in so much pain that you're crying through every feed can help anyone. You don't get a medal for being a martyr and the health benefits aren't THAT much better.

Original poster
Icklepickle101 · 15/04/2016 18:00

I had post natal depression and everyone kept telling me "it shouldn't hurt" so I felt guilty for wanting to put my welfare first, which I now see as completely mad because although it shouldn't have hurt it bloody well did and DS would have been fine either way! If one of the 8 midwives I saw post nat ally had spotted his tt sooner we may have been much happier but we got there and we are both now happy.

OP posts:
Narp · 15/04/2016 18:01

That's good.

Wombat87 · 15/04/2016 18:02

Well done OP! YANBU! Grin

I saw a comment on another thread once, where MIL had accused DIL of breast feeding solely so she could hog the baby.

Perhaps MIL's are jealous they don't get a chance to get in on the bottle time?!?!

ALongTimeComing · 15/04/2016 18:08

Well done you and as for your MIL she can fuck off. Mines has been pretty anti me feeding and it's really damaged our relationship. It's so freaky that another woman would treat a new mother like this. I wouldn't be giving her unsupervised visits with the baby!

Knitella · 15/04/2016 18:21

Ickle - YADNBU!! Well done!

I agree with another poster who says your DH needs to be more supportive re your MIL issues.

Perhaps you could suggest that MIL donates the formula, bottles etc to a food bank so that someone who is choosing to bottle feed can get the use?

My suspicion is that she wants her hands on baby more than she thinks she can with you BFing.

In time perhaps you might like to train as a breastfeeding peer supporter Smile

Gatehouse77 · 15/04/2016 18:26

Good for you.

Text back your MIL sayling you're glad she's got so much disposable income for unwanted items - lucky her!

Want2bSupermum · 15/04/2016 18:30

Oh and I told my MIL she could help me with other aspects of care. Diaper changes and bathtime are much more fun IMO during the first 6 months.

SoupDragon · 15/04/2016 18:32

Why does she think bovine milk is better for your baby than milk designed specifically for him? Is she a bit thick?

Don't get me wrong - formula is a great alternative if breastfeeding doesn't work out or the mother doesn't want to do it. However, what it isn't is "the right thing for your baby" when that baby is happy and thriving.

And yes, you should feel proud of yourself. Breastfeeding isn't easy to get established. I'm rather proud of myself for succeeding at it too :)

SoupDragon · 15/04/2016 18:33

I meant to add a "well done!" on the end :)

Valentine2 · 15/04/2016 18:41

Your DP must give you a Medal of Honor for that. Mine gave me one for just good old feeding and I was facing nothing like you did.
Did you read my comment on the other thread? Send MIL an article a night via whatsapp when you know she is sleeping and you are feeding. For 100 nights in a row. 😹

TheSockGoblin · 15/04/2016 18:46

I think being proud is a good thing. You have clearly made a huge effort through a lot of pain to do what you think is right for you and your baby.

I would just say as gently as I possibly can...try to make sure you look after yourself as well! It is wonderful that you have put so much into breast-feeding and endured so much, however over the long term if this attitude translates to all baby and child-rearing things you could end up not caring for yourself at all and running yourself into the ground. Lots of Flowers for you Smile

And your MIL..meh..ignore.