To wonder how many times a child has to hurt someone before mainstream school will bow out?

[MigraineMartie]

Slightly worried as daughter is at per school with a child ( male ) also going onto the same one intake school in September.
They both started this September just gone and it's a school nursery.
He has hit / pushed / bitten most of the children in the class causing black eyes and a knocked out tooth.
The school have spoken with the mother and have said they don't think there are any additional needs however they cannot begin to assess until the age of 6.
So what happens until then, all the children just get injured??

This sounds like my own son. He was dismissed as a naughty boy. I was told I MUST be abusive to him because we all know that 'violence breeds violence' right?
Age 6 he was permanently excluded from mainstream! For 2 years he was dumped in a unit for half days and treated like a criminal. Age 8 he was diagnosed as autistic/ODD/ADHD and now age 16 he's an amazing boy about to do GCSEs

I think the pre school are passing the buck, and not doing it's best for all the chikdren. On their part they coukd get outside intervention from the Specialist teaching team, they can also contact Sendias. No it is bull, the child can be referred to paed for assessment under 4, my dd was referred and ds at 3. It is also up to the parents to be proactive on that part if they are concerned. I think certainly once the boy starts school, SENCO will be involved, it coukd well be suggested to the mother, by SENCO that she needs to have her ds referred to community paed, if there are concerns with his behaviour. School will be looking to an EHCP.

My child was rough with the other children at nursery on occasion. He was later diagnosed with ASD. He was acting that way because he was confused and overwhelmed by the situations he was in. We didn't realise it at that time.

I think you need to focus on how the nursery can protect your child - whether the boy in question is getting an assessment is nothing whatsoever to do with you. That's his private medical information. I would hate to think about other parents knowing about my son's assessment unless I had chosen to tell them direct myself.

My child is now settled in well to school - and never hits. He matured and also got some intervention that helped.

My younger DS is in nursery and there is a boy in his class who hits - I have a huge amount of sympathy for his parents - knowing how difficult it is. I always tell my 4 year old son that some children take longer to learn the rules but they're not 'bad' children as he sometimes describes them.

The vast majority of parents want their children to behave well and make friends. I felt so bad being told my child had hit another - I felt bad for that child and bad for my own as I felt people might write him off.

Mummy time said
I have only known violence when either a child: has SN OR has been abused/witnessed abuse/violence.

This isn't my personal experience. My now 15yo completely NT dd went through a God awful phase at 3 where she hurt children at nursery. Hit, pulled, kicked. Never bit thank christ.

Struggled with sharing, had no limits to the methods used to get what she wanted. Children were properly hurt but didn't need A&E.

She hadn't seen any violence and it just stopped after about 18 mos.

If you told her teachers now, they'd not believe it. Completely laid back to the point of horizontal.

Mummy time said
"I have only known violence when either a child: has SN OR has been abused/witnessed abuse/violence."

Not true ime either. But it's the same mentality that made a paediatric consultant pronounce that my dd must have been sexually abused because that would be the only explanation for the fear and anxiety that caused her (as he thought) psychosomatic pains.

Fear and anxiety can arise out of all sorts of things. I have known children be violent because of:

a seriously ill parent

adoption trauma

undiagnosed health issues

non-violent divorce

reasons never clearly understood

and no doubt I could think of more