to throw an un-birthday party?

[tryhard]

You know, like in Alice in Wonderland?

The context here is poor DS2 is a Christmas Day baby, so far (he's 2), it's not mattered at all but as he gets older I'm sure it'll suck. I've realised that last year I already buying him fewer presents than his big brother (who has a summer birthday) because ofcourse all of his presents come at once so it seems like he gets loads. DS1 has all the anticipation of both events, birthday & Christmas, DS2 gets his birthday over-shadowed every year.

Anyway, I've heard of children with Christmas birthdays having a summer party as well, and I'm wondering if I would be being totally unreasonable to go the whole hog & do it as an un-birthday party with a cake, singing happy birthday & presents? Would that just be weird?

DD's birthday is late December. I have every intention of swapping her birthday party over to June one year and throwing an Alice in Wonderland themed garden party with oversized cakes and little teapots full of squash!!

Her December birthday would be just a meal out with us so not doubling up.

So, I think it sounds like a wonderful idea

Thanks for starting this thread, OP. We're in the same boat with our boys but they're a bit younger so the only Christmas birthday we've had so far is the one he was born on.

We've not decided what to do yet although I got some good suggestions from here a while ago.

I worry that with a summer party, as a PP said, you then end up with three things ie summer thing, early December thing and something on Christmas Day (I don't feel you can ignore their actual birthday even if you've already celebrated it) and so then the other sibling is losing out iyswim? Saying that, we've not had to deal with it yet so I don't speak from experience.

So sad hearing some of these accounts. I wonder if there is anyone out there who didn't hate their Christmas birthday?

My brother and I were both born very close to Christmas (which meant joint Christmas-birthday presents AND joint-sibling presents!) so we had a 'half birthday' day in the summer where we would get a present each or sometimes a big present to share like a paddling pool, trampoline or a big day out. Something we could only enjoy in the summer basically. It was just a family thing but it was brilliant! We'd have a party with just the four of us and a cake and everything.

We have a summer BBQ for DH's new year birthday every 5 years. He hated birthdays as a child as all but his parents forgot him. Once he was 18 everyone was skint and. hungover from New year on his birthday so it got ignored. We started with his 25th and will be having one for his 40th this year.

She's not a Xmas baby but we always acknowledge DD's half birthday too. Just a cupcake/brownie with a candle in it and a photo. Not presents or parties. It's just a nice thing to do.

My sister has a birthday on 23rd December. She has never had a party because no-one could ever come (including our other siblings and family - I was the only one who was there EVERY year even though I was also the only one who moved away from our home town), they always had other 'Christmas' things to do. It's heartbreaking. She turned 30 this year and we had a small family meal and my DParents insisted that EVERYONE attend and luckily they did.

So I think having a mid-year party would be great. As your DS gets older, a Summer barbecue without the focus on 'birthday' (although he and the family will know that's why) would be a fab idea .

I've got a Christmas Day baby. She's 4 now. She loves it, but doesn't know any different. Might be more difficult as she gets older I guess. We've always done a 'half birthday' - day out, fuss made etc so she still gets a day that's all about her. She doesn't get presents (except for maybe 1 from us - good opportunity to buy 'summer' things) as I didn't want to try and pretend her birthday is on a different day. We constantly tell her how special her birthday is - and it is, it attracts a lot of comments and everyone remembers when it is - so didn't want to detract from that.

I always said if I had an Xmas baby I'd do a summer party for them 😃 In fact I'm a November baby and have often toyed with throwing a summer party in my honour as I'd love to have a sunny birthday! I can just imagine the MN catbum faces now!!

My little girl is a Christmas Day baby and my little boy is a December 23rd baby (I don't know what it is with Christmas and me having babies they were both early!)

I always feel bad about birthdays because I know they don't get as much spent on them as they would if their birthdays were say June or something.

What's works for us at the moment is having a party for friends the first week of December while everyone is still in denial about how close Christmas is so happy to bring children to a party. I let them open any presents they get otherwise it would be a pretty crappy birthday if they then had to wait three weeks for presents.

Then we do a family party on the 24th December for them both and to be honest I only get them a couple of stocking filler type things as do my family because to be honest money is tight for everyone at Christmas. Then at Easter I tend to buy them both their birthday presents as do my family so they have a little stash of toys to wake up to Easter Day and I can tie it in with something rather than picking random day each year type thing.

It seems to work for us, my family are happy not to have to buy two sets of presents at Christmas and so far the children are happy with the set up so Easter could be an option for you? But you would become a mumsnet villain who buys presents at Easter

When he reaches school age, I'd do a party at the start of December for him & friends

I'd do it in January so there's something to look forward to after Christmas and then it would be entirely separate to Christmas as the festive stuff would be put away.

Provided your other DS is going to understand his brother isn't getting more than him then I see no problem with it being a family thing.

One of my friends has the same dilemma, her son just turned 6 on Xmas day. She's had a summer party for him every year where we all did presents and cake etc and then just a card on Xmas day.

But the last couple of years he got terribly confused about when his birthday was and how old he was and all his little friends are talking about birthdays and parties etc so she decided to throw another party around Xmas time. We were invited and I had expected a note about not buying presents as we'd already done that in the summer but no, it was as if the summer party never happened.

I don't particularly mind once but I won't be buying him a present for his summer birthday party again!!

I think it works fine when they're too little to understand and fine when they are old enough to choose for themselves. But the middle bit is just too confusing.

I have my bday the day after DD and the same day as DSD. I've not had a party since she was born and its crap. I'm reading with interest as I'd like a solution. Might start my own thread even!

I am a Christmas baby and I would have loved it if my parents had given me an 'unbirthday party'
It's not about presents is about having your own special day to be fussed over as all children should be on their birthdays.

I would also do the party in January. It's close enough to the actual birthday to feel like a birthday party, people have more time, Christmas stuff is packed away and children do often celebrate their birthday a short while after the actual day. Personally I'd play down the birthday on Christmas day, so that they get to enjoy Christmas too, and big up the birthday whenever you celebrate. Two of my dc have birthdays fairly close to Xmas (not on the day) and we celebrate in early January. I've often wondered about doing a summer party for them but they've never wanted to.

my DD (27) is a near Xmas baby, she hates it. When she was small I said we would do a thing on her Saints day (something they have here), which is in April. But infact it never came to be, But in the summer I tried to have a big outing somewhere. Usually now its for the summer sales, & my wallet & I take her SHOPPING :o)

Especially since presents aren't a given on birthdays and shouldn't be expected

What is it with the competitive puritanical parsimony on mumsnet?!

I know a few families with a child with a Christmas week birthday and different ways of dealing with it including not having a party until mid January, having a "half birthday' celebration at the end of June (day out and main present from parents) and in one family which has twins with a July birthday and younger cod with new years eve birthday - they have a joint summer birthday party/main birthday presents for all three at once. Spacing out the main present from parents is a great idea IMO as often patents can't afford two main presents at Christmas, often the child can't think of something else for a few weeks/months and some presents like bikes and trampolines are so much better suited for summer weather.

Also just remembered that my grandfather's birthday was in early January. His mother decided that was too soon after Christmas so they'd always celebrate it on the equivalent date in February. He had no idea until he saw his birth certificate when he went into the RAF!

It's helpful though cos it honestly never occurred to me that if we did something like a summer garden party thing then family or friends coming over would think they'd need to bring presents but ofcourse if I say it's like a birthday party then they might think that. He's really into dolls and prams at the moment, so I keep thinking oh he'd love a pram but his birthday isn't for ages so I don't get him anything, so that way I think he definitely ends up with less come Christmas time. But yes a birthday party 6 months in advance might be a it confusing...and I think when he's school age I'd definitely just do a party early December and just a small family thing on his actual birthday, that's what we've been doing with Reception-age brother, class party with presents from us and pub with family on the actual day 😀 I did think as well his brother might get jealous if DS2 has a summer birthday.

Helen what exactly is wrong with saying children shouldn't expect presents from people other than their parents?! I think there if a child is expecting presents from a lot of people than that's not right. Nowt wrong with me having that opinion, it's just the way I feel about the matter.

DD is a Christmas week baby so we used to have a joint party at the beginning of December with one of her friends. Luckily she's not that interested in having a party now so she gets a big day out with her best friend and a sleepover in January and a tea party on the actual date which is usually an open house where very partied out adults people come over with their kids. We did do an unbirthday last year to coincide with DS's 18th because one of her presents was an event for which tickets weren't available until Easter.

I would do it.

I was born 2 weeks before xmas. I hated the joint xmas/birthday present as a kid. It was obvious I wasn't getting the same as my siblings who all had mid year birthdays. It hurt. Especially as I never had a birthday party because 'can't afford it it's too close to xmas'.

As an adult the 2 weeks before xmas are usually when everyone is having their works xmas party so I'm ditched again.

about 10 years ago I gave up with it and the piss poor excuses (xmas and my birthday are on the same day every year and can be planned for ) that I started having my birthday night out in june. I don't expect presents I just want to go out an celebrate getting a year older.

I wish I had the mid year party too. I have no problem with that and I'd recommend it. Even having a birthday party for you DC in November instead of December means more people will turn up. DC's friend is on 6th December and his mum always has his birthday the month before. I don't think its weird.

oh and some things I really hated as a kid - birthday gifts wrapped in xmas paper. Birthday greetings inside a xmas card. I sound like an awful kids but really I just wanted people to know it was my birthday!

My son's class mate has a Christmas birthday. But she had always had her birthday party on her half birthday. Cake, singing happy birthday, presents are all done in June. They have always done this so it is just normal, and to be honest I hadn't ever thought twice about it.

Her mum has made it clear she can have her celebration on her birthday one year if she likes and they will swap Christmas instead - so have Christmas in June.

DS is an early Jan baby and my parents always buy him a Half Birthday present in the summer, usually something seasonal like garden toys.

I want to start having a picnic party for him in the summer, but won't frame it as a birthday party or expect presents, just lots of his friends play outside together in a way that they can't in January.