To be fuming at DH's concern for the woman who is making my life a misery??

[SandDancerSkye]

Sorry, an extension on my last issue where I posted about a senior colleague at work bullying me, shouting and screaming at me in front of students and junior colleagues, really showing me up and then continuing to harass me all shift about various bits of shit that she later admitted were non issues - when I got upset she shit herself and started nattering at me about whether I was going to report her or not (she has 3 bullying marks against her name already). She even called me at home to harass me about this. Yesterday was not an isolated incident, this woman has been making my life very difficult with the same kind of humiliating behaviour for months.
Anyway, today (after she'd got off the phone nattering me about whether I was going to report her or not!!) she fell and sprained her ankle at work. She'll be off work for a few weeks. I sent DH a cheeky text telling him what had happened and a little comment about karma being a bitch. Well his response was to tell me I was being nasty, I was being insensitive and a bully(!!!!!!) and I'm out of order. I reminded him that I finished yesterday's shift at work crying, laid awake most of the night crying and seriously considering trying to get signed off on stress after yesterday's shift. His response was "oh it was only words what she said, no need to wish the poor woman harm" !!!

AIBU to think he's being an absolute dick?? If she's been run over by a truck and I was celebrating then yeah, I could see his point but she's sprained her ankle and will be off work for a bit (thus I'll have some peace at work!!). Can't believe he's more concerned about her than his very soon to be wife who genuinely thought she was on the edge of a breakdown last night!

I don't think you are being awful OP.

I was attacked at work once, don't want to go into great detail but it involved being cornered outside by two men who trapped me in a courtyard and shouted abuse at me before one of them turned violent. I escaped just badly shaken up rather than injured, but I was in a bad way for weeks afterwards.

I had to make sure a door was locked at work at all times and carried an alarm that links directly to the police, and I was frightened all the time, for weeks and weeks. Not just at work but in the street as both of the men lived near me.

I wanted to report it to the police but the CCTV didn't show the worst of the attack and the only witnesses were drunk and cheering him on because they thought it was funny. I felt like nothing would be done, so they got away with it.

When the man who turned violent towards me then became quite seriously ill I was glad. It meant he couldn't come anywhere near me, and it felt like karma to me too.

It's not a nice thing to think, I'm not proud of being glad that someone was ill, but I think it's understandable when someone has been so awful to you for no reason and seems to be getting away with it, and you are feeling stressed and unhappy because of them.

I think your husband is being really unsupportive. There's a difference between remaining professional at work when you make your complaint (which is itself a stressful thing to do when someone has knocked your confidence so badly) and releasing a bit of that stress by saying you think karma took a hand in what happened to her.

I'm inclined to agree with the other posters suggesting this sprained ankle is a convenient way of trying to avoid a complaint or going for sympathy if you do make one. Possibly even a way to say she's been unfairly treated because of her injury rather than because of her behaviour.

I've read your other thread

don't let your P distract you from dealing with this matter at work

do that first, then sort him later

(oh and btw yes, he is being a sanctimonious humourless twat. Is this a one off or is he usually a SHT? If the latter- RUUUUUUUUUN)

Soft course I meant an imam, auto correct, but I could just as easily used the metaphor of a Hindu priest. It came across as a lazy metaphor using religious stereotypes. Given the dignity, compassion and forgiving attitude displayed by the Archbishop of Canterbury last week, it wasn't a great metaphor to choose.
I dislike a lot of the aggressive language used on this thread. Wholly inappropriate for a thread which in concerned with bullying.

mrsmuddlepies you are not showing any of the compassion you so admire in your posts - you are coming across as exactly the sort of caricature of a sanctimonious holier-than-though Christian who gives fuel to the negative metaphors that you so dislike. Trying to appropriate the word bully and re-apply it to the person being bullied doesn't make you right. The OP has not bullied anyone, as far as we know from anything she has written. Writing your husband or partner a text suggesting it is karma that the person who has been systematically bullying you has sprained their ankle is not bullying!

It is very ironic that the DP said that the long term systematic verbal bullying in front of colleagues from the woman at work was "only words" but that the OP's one off text to him (also only words, not to the woman herself not to anyone who works with her) was bullying! Doesn't even make a grain of sense!

Actually the more I think about it the more I wonder if the text from the husband to be was more about him having cold feet about the looming lifetime commitment than about the OP's colleague! Perhaps he is trying to make the OP have second thoughts about marrying him

He's the one being insensitive. Bullying is much more than "just words". After what this woman has put you through you'd have to be a saint not to feel glad you won't have to see her at work for a while and it's normal to vent to your partner, you weren't actually wishing her harm. He was especially out of order to call you a bully. Is this how he normally reacts when you need support? He is sending out a clear message that he won't take your side or be there for you when you need him, which is something you need to address before getting married. Also, the situation with the workplace bullying won't improve on it's own so please consider using this time while the bully is off to report her. As a previous poster said potential witnesses might be more cooperative while she is out of the office

I'm on the bog my phone so might have missed a bit

but where the actual FUCK does the vicar come in??

Also

Found him

I dislike bullying and aggressive language. As I said further up the thread this is inappropriate in a thread about bullying. However, now I feel bullied by you and your description of me as a 'sanctimonious holier than thou Christian'. Insults and stereotyping are never acceptable in a reasoned argument. I am sure you will keep throwing insults around if I try to make a point about acceptable language .
Not a nice feeling to be bullied off a thread about bullying.

Ah! Thanks, I have never seen one of those before! I was told they exist, but didn't really believe... I am now convinced.

Mrsmuddles, that is probably the most perfect example of a PA attack/defence ever likely to be seen! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo impressed.

Sadly it does you no real credit as, as others have said, it shows little empathy or understanding for the OPs plight and is all about you! Not very Christian, not very pleasant and an absolute gem of an example of how to make people feel uncomfortable merely for disagreeing with you and how you phrase things.

Well done!

Lulu what was disgusting? The OP needs to report this bullying woman. Her other thread shows how hard a time the OP is having!

And yes I think her husband needs to have a word with himself and support his wife!

Was it really an accident and seriously sprained ankle or is she just trying to buy time because she knows you want to report her or wants you to give you time to cool off?
And your DH reacted like a twat.

Yeah the OP's DP was a bit of a twat to say what he said but I wouldn't be surprised if the OP's DP has had enough of her coming home telling him about all the bullying for the last 5 - 6 months yet she's doing nothing about reporting it and then when she made the karma comment to him yesterday it smacks of her being unprofessional while in a weird way enjoying the drama of it all and playing the victim. So many posters have advised her to report the bullying yet she's not done so.

She's not coming across as a professional when she's allowing herself to be bullied in public and enabling the bully's horrible behaviour. She's got a clear cut case of being bullied with witnesses that are prepared to support her especially with the weapon out of work for a few weeks.

A link to our talk guidelines
Thanks ever so.

'Allowing herself to be bullied'?

You can't allow yourself to be bullied!!!!!

He obviously has no idea of the reality. Make him read through the bullet point list you are sending to HR after you've sent it.

I agree it possibly might be frustrating for DH if she's not reported the bulling to HR yet. He needs to patient but help you in the right direction

It reminds me of all the threads on here where someone is clearly sounding off about someone. There's always that one person that wants to make up a sad little story about why the bully (or whoever) has behaved that way and say how 'mean' it is to be calling someone a bitch or whatever.

So what if the husband is feeling pissed off with being talked at about his wife being bullied and not acting on anything for so long? If he's able to feel sympathy for the woman that sprained her ankle then surely he can manage some for his wife?! And if he is truly unable to see the difference between a text between husband and wife and being bawled out in the corridor then he is clearly thick as a brick.

In my opinion, of course!

a lot of peeps on this thread look like they're jumping on OP's DP's high horse