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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming at DH's concern for the woman who is making my life a misery??

70 replies

SandDancerSkye · 12/04/2016 20:45

Sorry, an extension on my last issue where I posted about a senior colleague at work bullying me, shouting and screaming at me in front of students and junior colleagues, really showing me up and then continuing to harass me all shift about various bits of shit that she later admitted were non issues - when I got upset she shit herself and started nattering at me about whether I was going to report her or not (she has 3 bullying marks against her name already). She even called me at home to harass me about this. Yesterday was not an isolated incident, this woman has been making my life very difficult with the same kind of humiliating behaviour for months.
Anyway, today (after she'd got off the phone nattering me about whether I was going to report her or not!!) she fell and sprained her ankle at work. She'll be off work for a few weeks. I sent DH a cheeky text telling him what had happened and a little comment about karma being a bitch. Well his response was to tell me I was being nasty, I was being insensitive and a bully(!!!!!!) and I'm out of order. I reminded him that I finished yesterday's shift at work crying, laid awake most of the night crying and seriously considering trying to get signed off on stress after yesterday's shift. His response was "oh it was only words what she said, no need to wish the poor woman harm" !!!

AIBU to think he's being an absolute dick?? If she's been run over by a truck and I was celebrating then yeah, I could see his point but she's sprained her ankle and will be off work for a bit (thus I'll have some peace at work!!). Can't believe he's more concerned about her than his very soon to be wife who genuinely thought she was on the edge of a breakdown last night!

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 13/04/2016 07:48

Yep, he's being a complete unsupportive dick - but you need to report her. She's a bully and a bitch.

MetalMidget · 13/04/2016 07:50

He is being a dick. So it good and charitable to take glee in someone else's misfortunes? No. Is it understandable (and a wee bit satisfying) when that someone has repeatedly been an arsehole, making people's lives a misery? Yes, yes it is.

Good luck with the reporting today.

shovetheholly · 13/04/2016 07:50

That's not just insensitive, it's downright sanctimonious. I suggest you buy him a vicar's costume immediately, and then turn him onto the front step for the entire night to preach to the street.

whatsmyusername · 13/04/2016 07:51

DinosaursRoar is correct.

You need to remain professional and not be childish about it - however difficult that may be. You will gain a lot more respect treating it seriously in a calm manor.

whatsmyusername · 13/04/2016 07:52

My post was not to suggest you are being childish btw.

leelu66 · 13/04/2016 07:53

Stop being sympathetic to him when it happens to him. He is an idiot.

Do you think he is using this as an excuse to make you feel worse? Have you argued about something else?

wonkylampshade · 13/04/2016 07:55

Your DP is being being a prat.

I can't understand why on earth you haven't reported her though, it's a no brainier.

What's stopping you?

DinosaursRoar · 13/04/2016 07:56

Also be careful you aren't redirecting your anger to him - it's a lot easier to be stroppy with your DP than to focus on dealing with the bullying colleague.

You've left it one day, you need to report it today. She will do it again (because you've shown her and all your colleagues it's ok with you by not reporting), and then you might not have helpful witnesses. (Who might actually be happier to get involved with HR this week when bully is off).

Getting angry at your DP is just a distaction.

lem73 · 13/04/2016 08:02

Haven't you reported her yet? I'd have thought that's more of a priority than complaining about your dp online.

shovetheholly · 13/04/2016 08:04

It's not an either/or. It's possible for poor ole japan to be BOTH upset by her boss AND upset by her partner's lack of support.

diddl · 13/04/2016 08:07

Is it today that you will be reporting her?

Although your husband sounds awful, could it be that you are always moaning about the work colleague but doing nothing?

diddl · 13/04/2016 08:09

Oops, sorry, scrub that, just reread & he is defending her FFS.

It would be one thing to say "no need to gloat", but "it's only words"

BigHairySpider · 13/04/2016 08:19

You need to focus on the main issue. You should be fuming about your bully not your dh or rather dp. You also said on your other thread that you are getting married in 3 weeks so have a lot on your plate at the moment.

Goingtobeawesome · 13/04/2016 08:20

Don't marry him. He can't support you in this so how can he support you with harder things - fertility issues, redundancies, housing issues etc

mix56 · 13/04/2016 08:26

primary issue, to report this. Also just wondering if sprained ankle is genuine.
secondary issue, your P has no empathy. its all about him. No understanding never mind support in this instance is a red flag.

wheresthebeach · 13/04/2016 08:30

First priority is to report her - otherwise this will just continue. You have support in the office and you need to deal with this issue now.

Second is to sit down with your DP and have a deep and meaningful talk about support and his reactions.

Right now is the time for calm assertiveness on all fronts.

diddl · 13/04/2016 08:32

He's not your husband yet?

I'd be really reconsidering marrying him tbh.

"I was being nasty, I was being insensitive and a bully"

"AIBU to think he's being an absolute dick?? "

mrsmuddlepies · 13/04/2016 08:39

So read your thread yesterday and felt very supportive to you. Having read your post today I think you are behaving in a bullying way yourself. You are resorting to the Internet (and this case may be identifiable) which might get you into trouble if you are outed.
I think the comments about your husband are wholly inappropriate. Groovee' he deserves a slap', amongst others. The language used is bullying in tone. Someone desribes him as a vicar, they probably would have avoided describing him as an Iran but Christians are fair bait according to the poster. Horrible attacks on someone who means well.
From the sound of your language and the attacks on your partner you are well able to stand up for yourself. A word of advice, don't sound off at work in this way, you will lose sympathy very quickly.

bakeoffcake · 13/04/2016 08:44

I agree with you MrsMuddles. The way the H is being spoken about is awful.

I'm not sure why the OP needs two threads either

BlueJug · 13/04/2016 08:49

Actually DP is right - and the better person. Not going to get into fight but he is more adult and might help you get things in perspective.

SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo · 13/04/2016 08:55

Unless she's an athlete, there's no reason to take more than an afternoon off for a sprain. She's milking it because she's scared of her come-uppance. And of course he's being a dick.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 13/04/2016 08:57

He is being an absolute dick YANBU

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 13/04/2016 09:03

The OP has not given us any reason to the think she is being unprofessional in a work context, she has made a comment about karma to her DH/P - her partner in her private life, outside work! You do not have to be "professional" when texting your DH/ DP (unless you work together and it is a work text...)! The one person you should be able to be "unprofessional" with and not constantly being careful not to say anything inappropriate in the workplace is your husband surely!

Although I agree you have to report the colleague not just moan about her.

shovetheholly · 13/04/2016 09:06

My point muddles was that he's acting as if he has the moral authority of a preacher speaking from a moral high ground, when actually he's kicking someone who is already down. I don't actually think he is a vicar. I think he's behaving as if he has the moral authority of a vicar, without actually having that position.

Even if you did disagree with the 'karma' comment, the kind and tolerant Christian thing to do - at least it seems to me - would not be to administer a sanctimonious reproach to someone who is already taking a kicking. A text that said 'At least you won't have to see her for a while now' would have been supportive and neutral.

shovetheholly · 13/04/2016 09:07

Oh, and congratulations for getting a bit of 'the persecuted dominant' in there too, with the comment that I wouldn't criticise an 'Iran' (did you mean 'Imam'?)

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