To be so angry at 'DH''s timing

[Mytummyisnotatrampoline]

I don't think I am. In fact, I think the fact that I haven't exploded shows incredible restraint.

Essentially, I've been doing our house up to sell to buy somewhere bigger. This has been ongoing for about 8 months as I've had to fit repairs/fittings/painting etc. around work and DS who is just a toddler.

I'm sick of living in a top floor flat. We need more room and I feel extraordinarily guilty at the amount of noise we make. DS is loud and prone to stamping/running (what toddler isn't). We bought this home before he arrived and it would have been fine for just the two of us. Now DS is older, we 're bursting at the seams. I also want to move to be closer to my mum and to have access to a better catchment. I know we're a good few years away from school being an issue, but I want to get him settled with kids who he'll be going to school with.

I've taken the lead with everything as DH has never been the most proactive. Fixed/replaced things that needed done, done a shit load of painting myself. We had a mortgage appointment (which I organised) today and got an agreement in principle for a larger sum. It won't buy a dream house, but it'll get is something decent with a garden.

So he leAves it until 5 minutes AFTER the appointment to say he doesn't want to move. We can't afford the type of house "he" wants (no work needing done, big rooms, big garden etc.) and he can't manage the increase in monthly payments. We're not talking a lot more-150-200 a month-but he's usually skint at the end of the month.

Nevermind that he insisted on an expensive car, expensive gym membership and sodding sky (which we never watch). Never mind that we wouldn't pay so much in council tax and wouldn't have factors fees to contend with. I have enough in savings to cover cost of solicitors/agents. Yes, it would be tight for a year (when we'd get a raise and have help with nursery fees) but I feel the benefits far outweigh the sacrifices.

I'm just so angry and disappointed. The flat we live in is lovely and the area is nice but I'm sick to death of having to be out the house at ridiculous o'clock in the morning so as not to disturb the neighbours (they don't ask for this but he is so noisy). I am so angry that he's let me replace things that needed replaced with "ok" models-things I wouldn't have chosen had they been for us and not a new buyer. I'm angry that I've wasted weeks of my time on this when I could have been spending time with DS. I've also spent money we could have used for a really nice summer holiday.

I'm not belittling his money worries. I understand that it's tight but I would happily contribute more (I earn less but am much better at saving) but apparently that makes him feel bad and he doesn't want to do it.

We're on cometely different pages regarding our future and our priorities are so different. I don't think my anger is misplaced but apparently I'm totally overreacting,

I've name-changed because he knows I'm a regular poster.

There's lot of "I want" in the OP, and very little indication that you've both agreed about any move. Have you both agreed?

Also, an extra £150 - £200 a month on a mortgage at today's low interest rates could really come back to haunt you later on when interest rates start to go up, particularly If DH is skint every month end now.

Tyto, OP has said she will contribute more money so it's not just him finding that extra cash.

tbh the fact that he doesn't want to use OP's earnings to help out rings alarm bells as well.

OP, you say "its because he finds the move unnecessary that he's unwilling." Is he totally unable to take on board the reasons why you find it necessary? I can see why he thinks it's not needed, because he is not taking any of the brunt of living where you are.

Has it even occurred to him that living where you are with a child is not going to be sustainable for very much longer anyway? It's all very well to suggest that you shouldn't move till you can afford his dream house, but that day may never come, particularly if he is frittering away money on expensive gym membership.

Seriously, is there no way of telling he you are going to go away for a week, he has to take a week off, and he has to take full responsibility for your child including making absolutely sure that he doesn't disturb the neighbours? He needs to be shaken out of his complacency.

Moving house is a big deal and a joint decision.

I got cold feet and we held off. We ended up moving he following year as I came back around to the idea. And I was the one who wanted to move originally.

So talk to him and understand his point of view.

I disagree with most previous posters and don't think it's necessarily the case that the DH is being selfish. Many people would prefer a bigger home (and be OK with the additional costs of that) and some would prefer a smaller place and more financial security / "fun". Sky, gym, cars, trips and things can be cut back if necessary, eg redundancy, a bigger mortgage cannot.

It's your choice to take the DC out early etc so as not to annoy the neighbours. That's not your H's fault.

Are you both WoH and contributing to your home financially?

Also, the time for has NOT passed for him to disagree, since you haven't committed to a buyer or vendor and there is no deadline on you moving.

OP- you are amazing and have worked so hard to get towards where you want and need to be. As I read I already guessed your DH probably didn't spend much time with DS and not get how mind-numbingly crazy you and a young DC can get being coped up in a tiny house/flat all day with nowhere to break free.

I'd demand he puts gym on hold for a few months, and spends this time hat home, alone looking after DS so he sees what you're up against. I say this as someone who has recently moved house with a 2.5 year old- we lived in a small flat with no garden (but in a stunning area) and now live in a house twice the size with massive garden. DS races through the house in glee and is so excited by the garden. It also means I dont always have to be out for most of day to keep him occupied, but we can spend much more relaxed time at home, which is a joy. Your DH just doesn't get it, and only forcing him into having more time with DS - alone at home, will do this.

Its basically your DH's selfish "wants" versus your sons and families "needs"- clear which should win.