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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask why you go to work

481 replies

IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 10/04/2016 22:10

Try to be brief but thorough....
Due back from 1 years maternity at the beginning of June. Hate job, don't want to go back. Have had offer of temporary ad hoc work between June and start of summer hols.
Wondered how much job seekers is whilst I apply and interview over summer hols. Did the online calculator tangy: If I work current hours and pay childcare I would earn £6 less than if I signed on job seekers.
So why should I go to work (no career, just a money earning job) and how does signing on work? Has anyone found it detrimental to confidence etc?
Hopefully I'll get another cash earning job in September or,something when ds will be 15 months

OP posts:
Athrawes · 11/04/2016 02:34

Part of being a mother, or father, single or otherwise, is showing your children what it means to be a responsible member of society. This means showing them that you get out of bed and do a job that you may not love, to provide for yourself and them. That you suck it up sometimes.
Approximately 70% of society will have a child, mums and dads. If they all decided that they'd rather stay home and do child rearing society would break down.
I work because I can, I have the skills, my role in society is beyond that of baby breeder.

Wizzles · 11/04/2016 02:35

I'm in a similar situation as I'm currently on maternity leave and also hate my job & don't want to go back. However the way I see it I either have to find one I hate less, or just suck it up & go back or don't pay the mortgage

The idea of claiming JSA has never entered my head. The clue's in the name: "Job Seeker's Allowance". I.e. It is for those who are seeking a job, not those who have decided they don't want one, or just don't like the one they have.

MattDillonsPants · 11/04/2016 02:46

I work because I need the money. Over the years I've worked very hard to enable myself to work at home...so we don't need to pay childcare. If we DID need to, then I'd be buggered! DH isn't a big earner and that would be that for my wages. I work until 3.00 daily and then get the DC from school.

DriedBasil · 11/04/2016 02:48

I have been a sahm for 3years. Can't say it's been all smooth sailing and I did wonder if I should have gone back to work sooner but I honestly believe that I am doing the right thing for my DC. I got to see dc first steps/smile etc. I know DC is being caredone for properly. I'm lucky that we can afford for me not to go to work. We struggle at times but I think it's such a short space of time and I didn't have children to hand over to care for 5 days a week.

I find it funny that people we know are quite smug about their children and how they're perfect patents when they only see them for an hour a day.

I'd probably not work either op. Maybe go to uni or ups kill but missing out on your children just to make a point while being worse off financially is not really worth it.

DriedBasil · 11/04/2016 02:50

Amazing autocorrect.

TubbyTabby · 11/04/2016 03:24

I work because i need the money. i hate my job and have never had a job i like. i dont know what it means to enjoy my job.

Hamiltoes · 11/04/2016 03:44

Couldn't agree more Athrawes

I also Hmm when I see the SAHM posts who "don't judge".. But then go on to judge.

I'm a single mum who's always went back to work before they were 6 months. Yes I did miss their first smiles and their first steps. Couldn't give a shit to be honest. Now they can run and jump, and laugh til the cows come home, who cares that I missed the very first time they did it?

Maybe I'd be closer to my girls if I'd stayed at home, but the clear differences I've seen between mine and the two I know who have always been with their mum- they are more clingy, more whingey, and much less confident socially. Mines were both very early talkers, confident, better at sharing, independent etc. Coincidence? Who knows.

What I do know though is that I'd never see quitting and going onto benefits as a choice. The "little" time we do have together is precious and I put 100% into it. Theres no way I'd be able to do that for 12hrs straight. I take my hat off to anyone who can, but I bet for every "career mum", there will be another one who spends the majority of the day on mumsnet between doing housework and errands, and the kids get no where near the amount of engagement they would in a paid setting. We go on holiday three times a year and I'd take quality memories like that over boring mundane day-to-day life for sure.

NerrSnerr · 11/04/2016 04:31

I go to work to pay the bills. I wouldn't be a stay at home mum unless we could afford it as a family without relying on the state.

TheVillagePost · 11/04/2016 04:43

I'm quite shocked by some of the attitudes towards SAHMs on here to be honest. I'm nearing the end if maternity and we've just made the decision that I'm going to stay at home to raise our son. I could not be more blissfully happy about this. I realise we are very lucky to be able to manage. For me, there is no more important job than being the one who looks after my son. I don't find it mundane. I delight in it. I suppose some of us are suited to full time motherhood and some to careers. Maybe lets not judge each other because to be honest that's a bit twattish. OP you sound like a full-time Mum... Could you manage it without benefits? Also I'm sorry people seem to have been a bit mean to you on here x

OddSocksHighHeels · 11/04/2016 04:49

Not RTFT, sorry! You don't want to claimJSA if you don't have to. It's awful, you feel like a kid being told off every time you go for meetings with them. If you can afford to not claim and not work then do what suits you but having to deal with the JobCentre on a regular basis is just designed to make you feel even shittier about yourself than you did in the first place.

sashh · 11/04/2016 05:40

Work gives me money, a reason to get dressed on a morning and my health is better when I work (mentally and physically).

I'm also part of society, I think there should be schools and roads and an NHS and I want to contribute to that.

mothersdaughter · 11/04/2016 05:56

I don't feel that the role of a SAHM is inferior at all. I would have done anything to have had a few years at home with my children.

However, we couldn't cover all the bills with just DH's salary and so therefore I continued to work.

Meant that when they were both in nursery there was less than £100 left of my salary but the bills were covered.

I cannot fathom how anyone feels they have the right to make this choice if they cannot support themselves?

VioletTea · 11/04/2016 05:59

I work because we can't afford for me not to, and also because I am capable of working so morally it's the right thing to do.

Eminybob · 11/04/2016 06:00

I totally understand where you're coming from op, I loved every second of maternity leave and absolutely hated having to go back to work. I hate my job with a passion.

However, I'm the higher earner and we simply can't cope without my income. I definitely would not have gone back if we could have survived on DP's income. We couldn't even cope if I changed career as I'm not qualified to do anything else that pays as well.

Rather than JSA (as the name suggests you do need to be seeking work to qualify) have you looked into seeing if you would get any tax credits instead?

Mistigri · 11/04/2016 06:07

Isn't it clear in the OP's post that she would be applying for and interviewing for jobs? She's not planning to claim JSA long-term.

I work because I have to - would happily stop now but someone has to pay the bills. And I quite enjoy my job, which is interesting and well-paid.

OP - any chance of going back part-time while you look for another job?

Abed · 11/04/2016 06:17

I work because me and my wife don't want to starve.

wannabestressfree · 11/04/2016 06:26

Single mum three boys so I work to support them and have a decent standard of living.I lived on income support when DS1 was a baby and found it mind numbingly dull. I also had a year out when my illness was bad and was in tears a lot when I couldn't pay the bills.
I love going to work (teacher) and the holidays etc mean I get the best of both worlds.
I think keeping your hand in is wise with work whatever it is.

aliceinwanderland · 11/04/2016 06:29

I would happily have stayed at home if it was a viable option. Sadly it wasn't and after dd2 was born I had to start work quite soon. But I did manage to work part time - 3 -4 days. And that made a huge difference.

I wouldn't rely on Jsa though. Even if you can get it (you might be able to if you leave a part time job and you have two years of contributions) jumping through the hoops to get it is a nightmare.

Groovee · 11/04/2016 06:35

I didn't return to work when my 14 weeks maternity leave was up. I just couldn't do it. But dh had already done calculations and knew I could stay at home. I had 6 years at home the. Returned to work. It gave me a feeling of being me again. I liked going to work and appreciated my children more when we came home and chatted about our days.

Dh ended up on JSA 4 years ago. Worse time of our lives. It took 8 weeks before we got any money. Had to borrow from family to afford food shopping. Use credit cards for petrol etc. By then fortunately dh got a new job and had signed off before that letter arrived saying "you are entitled" it wasn't much for a family of 4 and didn't allow us to claim anything else unlike info,e support where school trips would have been half price and school dinners. It was a horrible time. The Tories don't make claiming easy.

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 11/04/2016 06:37

Being on JSA is horrible & humiliating.

pearlylum · 11/04/2016 06:41

There can be a middle ground, I gave up a good career to look after my kids- 18 years on and I still haven't returned.
I started working from home, a good steady income very flexible hours, no childcare costs.

twelly · 11/04/2016 07:09

If your family situation allows you not to work without benefits it your choice - both advantages and disadvantages. If you cannot give up work without benefits then I believe you do not gave a choice and should therefore work to some degree

cornishglos · 11/04/2016 07:14

I voluntarily left a job in the past. I was being bullied. I could have got a job in the same field but hated it and wanted a career change. I tried looking for work for 4 months and lived off savings. Despite having 2 degrees and speaking 3 languages I couldn't find a decent job and signed onto JSA. I was on it for 6 months. I never found a decent job despite hundreds of applications and tens of interviews. Eventually I took a job on minimum wage. I did that for a year, then ended up going back to my original career for the money.
My year of unemployment plus my year of minimum wage were not dreadful. I had the chance to prioritise my health and mental health. I got up late, did lots of exercise, had time for friends. It was like a breather from real life.
If you hate your job, leave it, make a change. I wouldn't plan to go on JSA, but it is a good buffer if needed. One of the reasons we pay tax.
Now I work for the job security, wage, pension. I still don't love my job.

blueskyinmarch · 11/04/2016 07:15

I don’t like my job either, so i am leaving very soon. However i won’t need to claim benefits. If we didn’t have enough money i would keep working.

ManneryTowers · 11/04/2016 07:19

Because I enjoy my job and it gives me the opportunity to grow skills and develop as an individual. To show DS that women can be independent earners and that working hard brings rewards. To be able to take DS to see things and do things I couldn't without money. To put money aside every month so DS can go through University if that's what he wants to do. To be able to pay for my clothes, haircuts, treats without spending money someone else has earned.