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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why you go to work

481 replies

IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 10/04/2016 22:10

Try to be brief but thorough....
Due back from 1 years maternity at the beginning of June. Hate job, don't want to go back. Have had offer of temporary ad hoc work between June and start of summer hols.
Wondered how much job seekers is whilst I apply and interview over summer hols. Did the online calculator tangy: If I work current hours and pay childcare I would earn £6 less than if I signed on job seekers.
So why should I go to work (no career, just a money earning job) and how does signing on work? Has anyone found it detrimental to confidence etc?
Hopefully I'll get another cash earning job in September or,something when ds will be 15 months

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 12/04/2016 16:24

Littlemiss the tories are subsidising childcare for earners up to £150k tax free childcare.
Being a sahm should not be defined as a lifestyle choice. Every child should have the right their mother at home looking after them until school age. It is a depressing situation that many mothers need to work mainly due to the high cost of housing.
I really don't understand the not feeling fulfilled, low self esteem , boredom etc argument from wohm.

NewLife4Me · 12/04/2016 16:26

Mini

The state schools our older dc attended didn't have any clubs, neither did any others near us, it was childminders.

SirChenjin

Of course the thread is wohp v sahp because posters are assuming they are right and that we should all work irrespective of personal situations.
Heaven forbid you should choose tax credit top ups because it's best for your family. No you should work because random women on Mnet say you should.
It is a bit daft.

FfionFlorist · 12/04/2016 16:30

I work for lots of reasons. To pay the bills and to earn enough money for dh to be a sahp. To show my dc that you can achieve a great deal in this world through work. Because I think parenting is relatively short term activity in your whole life span and I'm really glad I have something equally meaningful in mine. But most of all because whenever I tell people what my jjob is, most people say something like "what a brilliant job" and it is.

MiniMover · 12/04/2016 16:32

Andnow, I don't need to work but I choose to do so. If you want to sah until your children go to school, why not save every penny and have children later? I knew I wanted to sah for a few years when I have my older 2. I put off having them whilst saving every penny to let me do that. No holidays, no fun. All saved. Then babies. Then it was ok to do that. After no3, we didn't have that cushion so straight back to work. By no4, more of a cushion but I wanted to go back.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 12/04/2016 16:34

I really don't understand the not feeling fulfilled, low self esteem , boredom etc argument from wohm.

So you are judging WOHM then?

How about understanding that it is that way for some mothers.

I personally don't understand the standpoint of some SAHM, but I don't have a go at others for the choice nor do I use over emotive language like 'every child deserves to have their mother at home'

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 16:36

Of course the thread is wohp v sahp because posters are assuming they are right and that we should all work irrespective of personal situations

NO IT ISN'T. RTFT.

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 16:37

Nope New, the thread isn't a WOHM v SAHM. Some posters may have started veering from topic, but the OP is about choosing benefits over working for a living.

NewLife4Me · 12/04/2016 16:45

The OP, has never chosen benefits over working, she is job seeking which is the main criteria for jsa.
Nobody can debate this, can they?

I agree though that posters veered from topic and the wohp/ sahp debate reared it's ugly head again.

To those who don't believe education is a benefit, well in a way it is.
The whole principle of education was founded on childcare as children were no longer allowed nor expected to work.
The system has improved since then, although sometimes like at present isn't really good for the majority.
It benefits parents to send their children to school, it isn't compulsory and something most parents choose to do. Although saying that H.ed seems to be on the rise due to recent changes.
The premise has remained the same though, childcare foremost with education thrown in.
Teachers are expected to do far more than teach and pastoral/ social development is more prevalent than at any other time during the history of the education system.

NewLife4Me · 12/04/2016 16:47

Ha Ha Smarter

rtft above your own last one. Grin

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 16:48

One post does not make the thread. Again, try reading it. Then read it again if still confused.

SirChenjin · 12/04/2016 16:54

She wants to give up a job and go onto JSA - she is considering voluntarily giving up paid work to claim benefits. That is not their purpose.

Stop claiming that education is childcare. It isn't. Teachers roles may have extended, but in no way does that equal childcare, no matter how many times you say it. The 'education is a benefit' claim has alread been debunked. It isn't a benefit like JSA etc 'in a way' or any way.

LittleMisslovesspiders · 12/04/2016 16:56

rtft above your own last one.

Errrrr if you are directing that at me, it was in response to something another poster said.

whois · 12/04/2016 17:02

Education is a benefit, buts it's a benefit to the whole of society. Without free universal access to education we won't have a future working generation.

zeezeek · 12/04/2016 17:08

I went back to work after 3 months with both DDs. I hated being at home even that long. I find the company of small children extremely dull and baby/toddler groups even more dull. I also love my job and am very good at it.

Surprisingly both kids are pretty happy and content and also like the fact that the extra money we have from me working allows them treats and holidays.

bloodyteenagers · 12/04/2016 17:08

Unfortunately. Some parents do see childcare as a benefit/free childcare. We have parents send their children in when they should actually be at home - d&v, high temperature, post op.. To name but a few. Parents then turn off phone/ignore
Calls whilst sitting at home/shopping/whatever but not
Working.

Original poster
IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 12/04/2016 17:09

While we are rtfting

but the OP is about choosing benefits over working for a living.

No I'm fucking not and I'm getting a bit pissy reading all this and being accused of being a wannabe bum.
What a can of worms I've opened!

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 12/04/2016 17:11

I still don't see why putting the word "system" after education means that being provided with an education is not a benefit. That is just trying to put a negative moral slant on other benefits, trying to claim they are not also a societal good. And don't even pretend you really can separate providing a good education from any form of caring for young people - as I said before, and whether they like the responsibility or not, teachers of young children are in loco parentis when children are in school. Parents would not send their children to school in large numbers if they felt they could not trust school staff to keep their children safe, relatively happy and under control whilst being educated. In return, parents should ensure that their children have been cared for properly when at home, so as not to make the teachers' task impossible. In any event, I think it part of a parent's role and responsibility to educate their children, so even the education bit of school is, imo, part of the parent's role and responsibility, not something entirely separate from the concept of parenting.

jellybeans · 12/04/2016 17:13

If we are all happy with our choices then why would it make a difference to us if a small number of mums choose to stay home on benefits till DC are at school?

When I was a SAHM, we lived on DHs low middle income wage. I knew some people who annoyed others (wohms) because they felt they were 'taking the piss' having large families when neither parent ever worked or being topped up with TC to the same as middle earners who got no help. But it didn't bother me as I was getting to do what I desperately wanted which was SAH (was wohm with DD1 from a baby and am wohm again now).

Could it be the people that hate it are resentful that they don't have the choice to sah? I think more families should have the choice to have a sahp or both work pt and do equal sah whilst children are small and even when older kids. Just as mums who want to work should get help with CC. I have always thought why not increase CB so that people can use that to offset a second wage or to use towards childcare.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 17:14

So why should I go to work (no career, just a money earning job) and how does signing on work? Has anyone found it detrimental to confidence etc?

I'm loving being at home at the mo and struggling with leaving him even for a couple of hours, idea of work terrifies me, especially as I don't like job

Just trying to do a pros and cons list, esp with jsa meaning I actually gross more than going to work!

All your words, OP. It's not really surprising that people are commenting about choosing benefits over work, since that is what you want to do. It's a bit late to protest now that you didn't mean that.

SmarterThanTheAverageBear16 · 12/04/2016 17:16

If we are all happy with our choices then why would it make a difference to us if a small number of mums choose to stay home on benefits till DC are at school?

Who said everyone is happy in their choices? Lots of people don't really have choices, they either have to work when they'd rather not or can't work when they would like to. OF course they are going to mind when someone else gets to choose by using other peoples money to make that choice!

LittleMisslovesspiders · 12/04/2016 17:16

Could it be the people that hate it are resentful that they don't have the choice to sah

Well that statement works both ways though.

jellybeans · 12/04/2016 17:19

I agree that's why I say mothers who want to work should have help with childcare. If we all had more choice and flexibility maybe there would be less resentment both ways.

Original poster
IamthepermedowlofVeronica · 12/04/2016 17:19

Hopefully I'll get another cash earning job in September or,something when ds will be 15 Months.
Quote unquote. Or do you know me better than I know myself? Current job sucks, more money if I take temp job then sign on whilst looking for another job.
I wanted opinions on work and jsa not personal attack.

In other news I've just got an interview for a bank job on a Saturday! Not ideal but no childcare costs yey!

OP posts:
jellybeans · 12/04/2016 17:20

And fathers too! I know many good saHD or couples who both work pt

GetAHaircutCarl · 12/04/2016 17:20

I could be a SAHP.

In fact DH and I could both give up work tomorrow. We have enough income from other sources.

So no it's not jealousy from me. If people don't want to work then cool.

But don't ask others to pay for your choice, especially when so many don't have one.